Guest list

flyersgirl436

 Okay, so I have kind of a strange question. I have always thought (along with my mom, dad and MOH) that if you are going to invite more people to either your ceromony or reciption you would invite more to the cermony. But my FI and his mom think it's the other way around, more to the reciption. Is there a right or wrong way to this or can it be whatever? Also, if you only invite some people to the reciption how do you send them an invite?

caraellen23

I'm not sure I understand your question.  Its very uncommon (at least in this area) to have a tiered wedding....meaning some people are invited to ceremony and reception and some are just invited to the reception. Is that what you mean? Is there a reason you can't have people to both?  Is your ceremony in a place where anyone could come and see it (like a church)?

LaRositaMonita

NCV can talk to the fact that I think things are done differnt overseas, but generally when you invite someone to a wedding up here in PA, they are invited to both the eremony and reception.  If you are having a church wedding, other people and the larger community can be invited ot just the ceremony, but this is a bit taboo except for certain special situations (for example, I am a teacher - many teachers I know have extended invitations for students and their families to see their wedding ceremony if it's in a public space like a church). 

Think of yourself as a wedding guest.  Would you seriously be OK watching a close friend or family member get married and then not being able to celebrate with them afterwards?  Or partying it up without even having withnessed the ceremony?  Ick.

flyersgirl436

That is so what I was thinking!!!! The whole come to my reciption but not the ceromony was really confussing me also.
  There are a few co-works of my FI that he's just not sure about inviting and such. But to only invite them to the reciption is just weird! But then his mom thinks it's ok, I really don't. Thank you so much!

flyersgirl436

 Some other people just told me that it's rude to invite some people to the ceromony and not reciption. I am just so confused right now!

Bride_to_be_2011

Yea you have to do all or nothing really. If someone said to me, oh you can come to my ceremony but not reception I would find that rude.

caraellen23

Unless the ceremony is private for family only, there is really no reason to invite someone to the reception, but not the ceremony.  The ceremony IS the wedding, the reception is just the party.  So....you'd be asking them to miss the most important part.  If its a cost-saving measure, then its just backwards thinking because you are paying for people to come to the reception, eat and drink.  You don't usually pay a per person cost for the ceremony, especially if its in a public place like a church.

When I was younger, I went to a co-worker's wedding ceremony, even though I wasn't invited to the wedding/reception. We had spoken about it and I wanted to be there to see her get married, with the understanding that I wasn't going to the reception.  The same happened for a good friend's sister's wedding.  But that was because their ceremonies were in public places and I had spoken to both of them about it prior.  Never send an invitation to someone inviting them to the ceremony, but not the reception.

Ms.BriarRose

Technically, ceremonies are public events, and can be attended by anyone. 

That being said, in this area, if you are invited to the wedding, you are invited to both the ceremony and reception.

Now, back in the 60/70s, it was common to invite some people to both, and some to just the reception, and some to just the ceremony.  That is where a "reception card" came into play; you would include the reception card for those invited to both, and leave it out for those invited to just the ceremony.

But, times and society have changed, and the only time it is considered acceptable to extend any type on invitation to just the ceremony is in special circumstances, like LRM mentioned- co-workers who decided to attend on thier own, teachers, fellow church members.

For example, DH and I are very, very active in our church (DH just got elected to church council).  Being that we were having a religious ceremony, where our faith played a huge role, the pastor suggested that we extend an invitation to the ceremony to the congregation and fellow church members; many of them had prayed for us, brought us meals, etc during our engagement, knowing what we were going through and dealing with- they truly cared about our future together.  There was no way that we could have afforded, nor had the room, to invite all of the congregation, so the church placed a notice in the Sunday bulletins for a few weeks prior to the wedding for us.  Being that they are church members, most of them were concerned about the ceremony anyway; they wanted to make sure that the marriage had gotten off to a good start, and were not quite as concerned about partying and celebrating.  You will find that is quite common when the couple is very active in a congregation (especially a Protestant one, and smaller ones at that), the church is invited, and an announcement is often placed by the church itself.  We had 20+ church member come to the ceremony.  But that is really the only time I would suggest extending a ceremony only invitation.

LadyJ10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:f6fcd44b-7e57-4742-86aa-2de51510cfa2Post:8c7ca571-1e02-4c4c-bc90-89ac2c4ea9e8">Re: Guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Technically, ceremonies are public events, and can be attended by anyone. 
Posted by Ms.BriarRose[/QUOTE]

Not all ceremonies are public events! 

Original poster - I think you've gotten some sound advice about "tiered" receptions/weddings. If your FI wants to invite some of his coworkers, it should be for the whole shebang!

[Deleted User]

FI and I were invited to an evening do in London.  We were not invited to the dinner, but were invited to the dancing later on that night. 

We will NEVER attended another evening event again.   

They are accepted here, but I think they are rude none the less.  I'm going to come out, get dresses, get you a gift, and you only give me a piece of freaking cake.  NO WAY. 

I have attended ceremonies at churches when I knew the bride, old school friend etc, but was not invited to the wedding, big family etc.  This was on my own though, I would not be too keen on being invited to the cheap part of the day.  

nicole8586

They should be invited to both!


This may come as a shock but there were actually people not invited to my wedding (some of my parents friends) but they still came to church which was fine by me. But they did not get an invitation saying "you are invited to the mass" It was just a word of mouth thing.

flyersgirl436

  Thank you all so much for all the input! I really feel the same way most of you do. I am planning on inviting just a few people to only the ceromony, but it's more of a I'm a teacher type thing there. I am really with you all on the whole not just the reciption. I think that's just weird and rude all at the sametime. Really have no idea where my FI and his mom are coming from with that one! But again thank you!