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December 2010 Weddings

Friend's shower

So...I got the invite for my friend Katie's shower. The thing is...I didn't get her wedding invite yet, lol. We talk about our weddings together and she's coming to mine. Maybe I assumed I was invited to hers, but doesn't the fact that I got the shower invite kind of indicate that I'm invited to the wedding? I have seen on her FB people writing, "Your invites are so pretty!" so I know she sent them out...

Should I ask? How long should I wait? Should I not bother? How does one bring this up?

I can't go to the shower, and we may not be able to go to the wedding, depending on when we move to Kansas City.

Re: Friend's shower

  • Well, it depends... if you can't go to the shower anyway, and might not be able to go to the wedding, then what's the point?

    I would feel awkward if I DID go to the shower but wasn't perfectly sure about being invited to the wedding or not. 

    If it were me, I'd wait until she called to ask about your missing RSVP and then explain that you didn't get an invite. I say this because if you do ask her, and somehow you actually aren't invited to the wedding, that's going to be an even more awkward situation.
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  • My MOH asked me if I wanted to invite some of the women I work with to the shower. I told her no, they aren't invited to the wedding and she looked stunned. She said lots of people invite their co-workers to showers and not to their weddings. I would never do that, but you never know.
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  • I had people at my hens party not invited to the wedding.  It's different to a shower I think though - no gifts are given.  It's quite acceptable here.

    If you're not sure, ask your friend.  I think it's best to clear the air.
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  • I wouldn't assume that you are invited to the wedding just because you got an invite to the shower. Some people probably don't know that you shouldn't invite people to the shower if they're not invited to the wedding. 

    If you can't make the shower, then decline that. But I think you have to wait and see if she contacts you about a missing RSVP. However, if you are really close friends (i.e. grew up together, know everything about each other, hang out all the time, aka best buds or like sisters) then you could probably ask her about the invite. 
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  • I think you should ask or have a friend ask.  If you were invited to the shower and not the wedding, that is extremely rude of your friend.  If I were invited to a shower I would assume I was also invited to the wedding, so it's not unreasonable of you to clarify.

    Sometimes shower invites go out before wedding invites, but since you know other people have gotten invites that doesn't seem to be the case.  It sounds likely to me that your invitation got lost.  I think you should follow up and not just wait to see if she calls to track down your RSVP. 
  • I would just declined the shower and wait and see.  Some time ppl have family invite the shower guest and not always consult the bride.  My dad invited a  co-worker  to my shower that ins't invited to my wedding.  He did this with out mine or my mom's knowledge.    I thinks it's very rude to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding but maybe she had a tight list or maybe your a b list invite? 
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  • Thanks girls. I think I will just decline the shower invite and wait to see if she asks me about an RSVP. I wish I could go to the shower, I've never been to one before. But I work in theater and the weekend before the show opens are two ten hour days, and of course, her shower falls right in the middle of that. And as the manager, there's no way to get out of that.

    Thanks for the advice girls.
  • I got invited to my friend (coincidentally also named "Katie)'s showers (yes plural), but NOT the wedding.  I know it was a semi-large wedding that was at probably the most elite venue in town.  I also know that the girl that threw her shower tends to invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding, even when the bride gives her a list of invitees.  Perhaps it is the girl who is throwing the shower's fault and not your Katie's?  I think RSVP to the shower and see if she says anything about the wedding down the road. 
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