How many invites?

littlemsmagic138

We are looking at having between 125 and 150 guests (150 is the max. that our venue can accomidate), home for most invited guests is a little less than 4 hours away, right outside Richmond. How many people would you invite?

Or - how many people DID you invite/how many came?

It's a tricky situation since we're a destination wedding but we're not traveling super far and we're having a larger destination wedding than most people have. What to do, what to do??

Krhoy20

We def. cut a lot of people from our original guest list that we made before planning for the OBX. Once we decided on a destination wedding(about 7-8hrs for us) we knew a lot would not come and we were okay with that. We invited those who we felt we would miss if they were not there. Mostly family and a few close friends Otherwise, our list would have been close to 100+. We needed to "downgrade" the list for budget reasons.

sangriaMaria

Only invite as many people as you have room for.  You can't count on people saying No unless you know for sure that they wouldn't come.  In that case, would you have invited them anyways.  What would you do if everyone said Yes?

Phillyboy06

I agree with Maria.  I get "baffled" at huge guest lists for destination weddings.  Not that there is anything wrong with that if that's what you guys feel comfortable doing and inviting that amount of people.  Personally, we feel as though a destination wedding should be felt and experienced by a "select" few and be very intimate.  Our guest list is 40-45 people, with some possibly coming from as far away as Texas and Nebraska.  I was previously married and had the 175 person guest list with the country club reception inviting everyone all the way down to 3rd and 4th cousins, some that I saw only one time a year.  It was ALOT, but ok with that situation.  We think a destination wedding is so much different.  Those 3rd and 4th cousins I speak to once a year won't be there.  It will be our parents, siblings, my FI's Aunt's and Uncle's(her one uncle is walking her down the aisle as her dad passed away a few years ago) her 1st cousins that she grew up with, and my close friends and their wives.  About 40-45, like I said. 

Ultimately you are going to invite who you want to invite and do what your heart tells you to do.  But realistically, do you want to invite that big of a list?  It sounds like you have some people that could be left off of the list.  Also, will people be staying for a vacation or driving down for a few days?  Lots of things to think about!  Let us know what you decide on!  Good luck!

RussoWill

I would only invite the number of people you would want as your max, maybe a few more if you know some of your invitees will not be able to attend.  We had pretty much the same situation (from Richmond, wanting around 125 attending). We did, however,end up inviting about 200 people (although I wouldn't recommend this if most family is clos by). We knew a lot would not be able to come since my mom's family is from California and my dad family is in New York and Florida. I did break a sweat when we were at 94 guests on only 35 RSVPs.   
I'd go with what you are comfortable with. We didn't have a max based on venue, ours was more of a budget issue.  We are at 118 so far with 3.5 weeks to go, so we may have a few more RSVPs trickle in.  Hope this helps. 

jendem8

I agree with Russo.... invite as many as you want for your max.  We ended up inviting more than we originally intended, but I have A LOT of aunts/uncles/first cousins (with dates/kids our list of invitees is 165 - not sure how many will make it, but we've had pretty positive feedback so far).  We also did end up inviting quite a few friends from our respective jobs, but these are people who will probably be in our lives for years to come.  While you are doing a destination wedding, you're not going to Jamaica; you're going a few hours from home.  If you can/want to accomodate that many people, then go for it.  You're only planning to do this once I'd assume, so do it your way!  I considered a very small wedding at first, but I can't imagine cutting the list - I want to enjoy that day with the people who've meant so much to my fiance and I over the years.

littlemsmagic138

We're only have a destination wedding because we don't live at the beach!

If we lived at the beach, I would be having a traditional wedding, but I've always wanted a beach wedding. I know it's not a traditional destination wedding because intimate isn't the mood that we're going for (dare I say that we'll save that for the wedding night!?!)

I tend to refer to our wedding as "semi-destination" since we have very few people that would need to fly and it is possible to just make it a weekend trip. We purposely went with a venue that could accomidate a larger than traditional beach wedding because we would love to have a big(ish) wedding. Now, whether people will actually make the trip or not? -- that's up to them, but we're social people and are actually pretty close with extended family, so it's hard to pick and choose between them. We had the hardest time choosing the coworkers to invite, we are both teachers at the same school and we're a close staff. Ultimately, we realize that they will most likely throw us a shower (I'm not acting spoiled, I just know that everytime there's a baby about to be born, there's a shower thrown, so I will make that assumption!) and they threw us an engagement party, so we will have a chance to celebrate and had to choose those that we are the absolute closest to.

My brother got married at the OBX a few years ago and I loved that we got to spend more time with guests than you typically get to when a wedding is local and just the ceremony and reception. Guests came in the night before and we hung out on the beach the night before the wedding and then they stayed for brunch the day after before leaving.

Alright, that got wordy. Anyway, yes, we're sure that we want a big, beach-party BBQ wedding. Woohoo - I didn't include the word "destination" at all!!

Phillyboy06

@Em Please don't take offense to what I said.  It wasn't meant to discourage your or Joel from inviting who you want to.  You also have the factor going for you that your are halfway closer to the OBX than we are up here in PA.  Again, please take no offense to my thoughts. :-)

@Jen You remind me of myself sometimes. :-)  You get right to that edge of "digging" on someone, then at the last minute, back off.  I'm not saying that what you said was a direct reply to my post, but was almost a contradiction to what I said!!! :-)  I guess that happens when you are a Steelers fan though, so i'm used to it. LOL!!!

tcigal

I'd have a "B list" (as horrible as that sounds) and an "A list" of only 150 people.  As you start getting "no" RSVPs, you could extend the invite to the B List.  I woudl also recommend sending invites fairly early and having an earlier-than-necessary RSVP date, so you could extend the invite to others.

I strongly advise against over-inviting.  My friend told me the same thing after she did that and actually had to UN-INVITE her Uncle and a few people!  She said it was HORRIBLE!  I can't imagine

(I didn't read all the replies, so I"m sorry if I'm just repeating people!!!)

jendem8

@Philly - LOL... sorry.  I honestly didn't mean to do that (I don't even think I read your whole post).  I just feel strongly about inviting who you want to invite.  I totally agree with what you pointed out about having 3rd and 4th cousins though; that stuff is crazy!  I told Mike (FI) from the beginning that I didn't want to be meeting anyone at our wedding; I just happen to have a big family.  We came up with our guest list pretty easily - we chose people who we knew we be in our lives for a long time to come.  I even chose not to invite the majority of my dad's side (both of my parents have 4 brothers/sisters) because I haven't seen or talked to them in years.  I promise that my response had nothing to do with the fact that you support that team from the other side of my state.


@littlemsmagic - My view of our wedding is very similar to yours.  I feel that the beach is one of my "homes," and I feel more at peace there.  I also love the idea of having a week with everyone (everyone who can make it for the whole week).

@tcigal - That's actually a pretty good idea to have a "B" list.  I honestly cannot imagine uninviting anyone!  There are a few coworkers who I have "on hold" until I see how many people are able to come.