What I learned from my wedding...

telatovich

So, i know it's been almost two months since I've been married, but there were a LOT of things that nobody told me about during the wedding plannig process that I wish I would've been told.  Maybe someone can use this advice:-  When you go to your vendors, it's not enough to tell them what you want.  Tell them what you DON'T want and be firm.  Vendors will try to push you into their vision and what they do so it is easier for them.  You will be disappointed if you let this happen.- Your family and friends (at least some of them) will more than likely disappoint you in some way.  For me - my uncle interrupted our first dance and my cousin tried to "tough guy" DH with the "you better be good to her" lecture - and that's really just the tip of the iceburg.  Most of our BP just didn't sit at the head table during dinner and some of our friends just stood outside, smoked and drank our free beer all night.  As much as you think it's your wedding - everyone else will think about themselves and not you.- Your day leading up to your wedding will go too fast, no matter how much time you give yourself.  You will freak out and cry.  The moment you step foot to walk down the aisle - you'll feel amazing and beautiful - no matter how bad your hair is or how many things went wrong up until that point.- Assume people are stupid.  Give them driving directions for everything and explicit instructions.  Sometimes it's just time to stop being nice.- Be prepared that 99% of the world out there doesn't understand wedding ettiquette.  They don't understand what is decent and expected of them as guests.  Guests will be pushy, rude, late and expectant.  Be prepared for it.- While it is a complete waste of money, get a hotel room or a room at a B&B for the night of your wedding.  This is something i am SO SO SO glad we did.  Totally worth it.- Go on a honeymoon. Even if it's cheap.  It's worth it to just take that time and relax with your new husband and get back to what matters.-  Wedding-related stress will affect your relationship at some point. Know when to compromise, back off and what battles to choose.- Get a video camera and have someone tape your ceremony. I will always regret we don't have a video of what was seriously the best 45 minutes of my life to-date.- Your life changes when you're married.  Some people may disagree with this - once you're married and you and your DH become your priority and you are a family - your dynamics and feelings toward and with the rest of your family change.  It's weird and you can't prepare for it.  - While one of the most important days of your life - it doesn't matter how good your wedding day is or how bad it is.  There will be days that are better and there will be days that are worse.  And when you step back and realize how blessed you are to have someone who wants to spend their life with you, the wedding is really just a formality.PHEW!  Now I think I'm ready to let go of everything that went wrong.... Anyone else learn anything from their wedding?

steeser03

i agree completely with everything you said, and i couldnt have said it better myself. the two other things i didnt prepare myself well for were: - i expected it to be our day...all about us, and for people to be happy for us and not be selfish. i was very very wrong. but as DH reminded me, as much as it is YOUR day, the ceremony is yours and the reception is really a party that you and your family are throwing for your guests to celebrate your love and marriage. try to remember, it is about the guests too. as hard as that is. - we had people who came to the ceremony, said they were staying for dinner, but just stayed for cocktail hour to drink then didnt stay to eat. i was a little offended. apparently, this isn't a rare occurence, i just never realized it because i wouldnt ever do that. also, i cant ditto enough the family thing. my uncles also did the tough guy lecture (in the receiving line) and my one uncle (who is 50 years old) flat out REFUSED to eat the expensive meal we paid for and insisted on being served a child's chicken fingers. so then my 20 year old cousin also refused. i could not believe it.

shellbell026

Thank you for post this

K-hart

Tele, I could agree with you more! I actually touched on a few of these things myself when writting my blog (available on my Nest page). -I really did get very lucky with my vendors, but regret not telling my photographer to take photos of all of my DIY stuff (we're talking table numbers, centerpieces, my slideshow, etc) I really wanted to be able to submit photos to "real weddings" and I couldn because I didn't have the detailed photos that it requires. -People WILL disspoint you. Also, NEVER plan on getting a set amount of money or gifts. Most likely 5-10% of people won't even show up (even thoguht you talked to them the day before). Also, another 5-10% won't even come with a card to give you. And then another 10% will come with no gift!Ok, and let's be real here, if you are paying over $100 a person, you do expect a little bit of a gift in return (even a $15 gift card). Honestly, If I had to do it again, I would have had a destination wedding and used the thousands of dollars I spent in wedding stuff to help pay for plane tickets or room reservations fo rmy close friends and family. I'll be honest, I spent around $18,000-$19,000 on my wedding day and got about $2,500 in return. So, just be aware that this will most likely happen to you as well (as I've heard from so many brides this is extremely common). -Also, yes, expect a lot of your friends to be there ONLY for the free food and booze and also that at least one person will wear a white dress to your wedding, possibly with their boobs on display. Many of our guests also spent the entire time outside smoking/drinking, missing our 1st dance, cake cutting, speaches, etc. They simply could care less about all of that stuff and will show it! -And yes, your life does change when you are married. I used to take this the wrong way when I was wedding planning and when people said this to me I took it as "Our relationship is better than your because we're married and your not". This isn't what I mean at all. You just feel connected more as a family and you may even often find yourself making the extra effort in your relationship. I guess it can't really be explained until you have done it yourself. It in no way means that your relationship now isn't extremely special and committed, because it is! But, it's just a little different when you finally make the plunge. Each of you are going to have your day and it's going to be the best day of your lives no matter what happens. People are going to make you uncomfortable. Every guest is going to want their photo with you, so be prepared to smile. Everything may not turn out as planned and the day goes so fast, but even with all of this, It wil still be the best day of your life. So, make sure you have fun! Be silly, laugh, smile and look into your husbands eyes and remember why you said yes. Enjoy!

telatovich

"So, make sure you have fun! Be silly, laugh, smile and look into your husbands eyes and remember why you said yes. Enjoy!"Beautiful! 

tba0313

Thanks girls for posting this. I, too, need to remind myself that not everyone is going to sit and stare at us during our dance, cake etc. It's hard, because you spend so much time planning the day (and I think because I'm usually the guest that does sit and watch and take pictures). Hopefully that day I can just take a breath and let it slide. But it's nice to hear that whatever happens isn't just an isolated event in my wedding!And I have to admit, I'm shaking my head thinking you all are looney saying life is going to change. I'm sure it's what you all thought before taking the plunge as well. I guess I think that we are committed, and are a family, but I'm sure in the days after I say "i do" I'll get the "new" feeling too!

steeser03

i agree that things change. your relationship takes on a whole new meaning, your perspective of things changes, and you now make almost every decision jointly. you think about someone other than yourself with every decision you make. the family aspect of it really changes too. one piece of advice i can give you...things WILL change and it WILL feel different but dont pull the "i'm your wife now so you should...." card all the time. my friend does this every time her DH does something she doesnt like or doesnt think he should do. it is SO annoying to me, i can only imagine how sick her husband is of hearing that. if DH said to me every time i did something he didnt like, "i'm your husband now so you should..insert something i should do" i would say..."yes i know, i was there that day too!" even when it feels like its different, dont remind him of it constantly.

tba0313

Good advice Steeser. I can agree that I would get sick of hearing that. I figure if I don't pull the "i'm your fiance now" card that I probably won't pull the wife card either. Give me 10 months and I will come back and write the "you girls were right, it's different" post. Right now, I'm going to keep my head in the clouds on it. Yes, I'm stubborn.

telatovich

It is definitely different - and for me, it's like I all of a sudden felt like an adult.  It's weird, but in a very good way!

SoonAKuhn

Thanks so much for the advice!  It's always great hearing from others who have already been married so the ones who haven't know what to expect. The most I've learned from your posts is that guests can be a-holes.  That's really upsetting especially because these people aren't strangers...they are friends and family.  I'm not going to let anyone ruin my day though. I agree with the life changes after being married.  Once my FI proposed, I think our relationship went to a whole new level and it's only going to change again once we're married.  I'm looking forward to it though.  Thanks for the advice ladies!

yellow_grace

Great advice.I think there are so many moments.. little things, yes, but meaningful, that help you form this new idea of family and unity. For me, wearing my e-ring in public for the first time was great. Even better- even more uniting- was hearing my girls call John "daddy" for the first time.I know from my previous marriage that introducing someone as "my husband" is another of those moments... hearing him say "my wife" when referring to me made me feel so cherished.I look forward to sharing more of these moments with John... in 38 days!

coralorchid10

This is GREAT advice. Thank you! I too was surprised to read about guests being such d-bags! It actually had me going back to look at my list, given that we're very early in the planning process and haven't invited anyone yet, and trying to figure out who the most likely to be stupid would be. And that made me feel bad, because like someone else pointed out, these are your friends and family! I want this day to be about all of us having a good time and enjoying each others company. They don't all have to pay attention, but I hope they are at least respectful.

But no matter what, it will still be amazing

[Deleted User]

Great advise ladies!  I opted not to have a video of my wedding, but you made me change my mind.

My family can be caddy, but my cousin  told me the other night that he will be the "boring buster" (like the ghost busters) and soup up the reception if/when needed which made me feel good cuz he's one of the outgoing people in our family!  I say you will really find out the real truths about your guests at your wedding and it will be what it will be!  My FI and I have the motto "Who gives a crap about anything cuz it really is OUR DAY!!!"! 

mandasue82

I love everything that everyone has posted! But my favorite by far is the part about that feeling when you step up to walk down the aisle.
With all the chaos and stress leading up to the wedding, and no matter how you feel that day... Everything disappears in that one moment. From the second I walked through that door, til the ceremony was over, I was completely oblivious to the fact that anyone else was even there.
As much as you'll stress about everything getting done and everything being perfect... once you walk through that door, everything will be perfect & the little stuff won't even phase you. Even with those wacky guests that do stupid stuff at the reception