**katiejl121**

Calypso1977

hey, saw in another thread that your FI is a police officer.  my husband is as well.

the schedule is trying and difficult, but it does get better!  after 5.5 years on the job, my husband finally had enough seniority that he got his pick of shifts. he still had to work holidays and weekends, but no more overnights except on order ins.  shortly after that, he went into a specialized position which now has him on a 5-2 schedule (verus 4-2) so he the holidays off and every sunday. 

you do get used to doing stuff alone alot, but its not so bad. 

KatieJL121

Hey there!  I'm so glad you wrote this!  It's really nice to know someone else who is in the same situation (or who has been through it already) as myself.  We've gotten used to having busy (and sometimes opposite) schedules with work, school, etc. since we dated throughout college.  I also worked at a 24-hour mental health facility for a few years and was stuck on 3rd shift for awhile.  However, it seems more difficult to think about having conflicting schedules while we're married for some reason.  I guess it's because everyone hopes for that blissful "newlywed" stage and spending the first holidays together   But in reality, I know that won't always happen for us, so we are going to make the most of it and celebrate the holidays a day before or after (or whenever he is off work).  Is this what you and your husband did?  Fortunately, we both have supportive families that may be able to adjust the days we celebrate holidays so we can both attend.  

I'm also anxiously awaiting the day when they tell FI which shift he'll be starting out on full-time.  These past few weeks in training they've been having him work all 3 and get a feel for each.  I'm praying he doesn't get 3rd shift, but I know and accept that it's a high possibility.  When I worked 3rd shift for a year at my job it really took a toll on me.  When your husband first started his job, how often did they have him switch shifts?  Did he have a set schedule and was he on one particular shift for a certain length of time?  

Thanks for the reassurance and sorry this is so long!  Haha.  We are new to this, as he's fresh out of the Academy, and his Department is not the best at answering questions so we don't know what to expect just yet.  I suppose it's because they don't want to promise anything, which I understand.  I'm sure I'll be coming to you with LOTS of questions!!                 

Calypso1977

my H's department shift bids once per year, on July 1.  my cousin's deparment switches every 3 or 4 months.  depending upon the city/town, which shift is vacant will depend upon the action.  in most places, the night or second shifts have the most action so guys usually like those.  in H's town, the 4pm-mid is the best shift.  mid-8am is dead, and the day shift is painfully boring.  they also have splits which are brutal.

when H first got on, he was straight mid-8am.  when we met and started dating, he was on a split - 2days at 4pm-mid and then 2 days mid-8am.  he could never establish any type of sleep schedule.

my cousin has been a cop for 20 years.  we always worked the holidays around his schedule so he could be with us, even if it meant having a holiday brunch rather than a dinner.  the first year H and i were together, i just did holidays on my own, since we started dating in october so by nov/dec we werent at that point yet.  by teh second year, i think his day off happened to fall on thanksgiving (totally lucked out there!) and then christmas i went on my own.  by the following year, he was on his detective schedule.

if he ever went back to patrol, i woudl have a meal for him on the holiday, even if it was just the two of us.  we live in the town he works in, so i also am lucky that he can come home on lunch/dinner breaks.

having the family support is important.  while my cousin always had it, my H didnt.  he had many holidays without his family - they just dont get his work schedule, and dont understand that he cant take the days off.  worse, many of his extended family has simply stopped inviting him to stuff as they always assume he's working.  that does kinda hurt, but we dont dwell on it.  while not in the contract, its an unwritten rule that you dont take time off at the holidays and you dont bang out sick since it basically screws someone over as they get ordered in for your shift.

you will have times where you may have plans to go somewhere or you may be hosting a party and your H will get ordered in unexpectedly.  it sucks, but be sure to maintain some independence, so that you feel confident having to attend a function on your own or going to family gatherings on your own.  the worst thing you can ever do is make him feel bad that you had to go to somethign on your own.   we've been lucky, H hasnt missed anything super important yet - just dinner at my boss' house and the baptism of a friends baby.  the other stuff has been pretty minor (BBQs, etc.). 

PM me anytime if you have any questions or concerns that you dont want on the boards.  i'm happy to listen.  also, if you are on Facebook, there is a great group called Christian Police Wives. 

KatieJL121

Thanks for all of the information and advice!  I agree that it's important to maintain some independence.  I also feel blessed that I get along with my future in-laws so well and I'm comfortable around them, as they often invite me over for family functions even if FI can't make it.  Also, both of my sisters live within an hour away from the town FI and I are moving to, which is really nice because it's much closer to them than where we were before.  Anyway, I will check out that group on Facebook, and I'm sure I'll be talking to you again sometime soon!