Must I Become Catholic?

sharenalw

I was raised Baptist. FI was raised Catholic. We decided to get married at his church bcuz of the family tradition. His parents, sister, aunt and a few uncles were all married there. We met with the priest a fee weeks ago. I told him that I was Baptist. Big mistake. We sat with the priest for four hrs while he tried to convince me that the catholic religion is the best religion in the world and I should become catholic. I don't want to become catholic.After all was said and done, the priest decided he would marry us but under one condition. Either I have to become catholic or sign a document stating that all children we have MUST be raised catholic. Has anyone ever heard of this happening? I couldn't believe it.It means a lot to me to get married in a church and it means a lot to FI to get married in his family's church.I'm very strong in my faith and religion and so is FI. He wants our children to be raised as catholic and I would prefer them to be raised Baptist. I would be open, however, to the idea of raising them with aspects of both religions but FI says that's not the way it goes. The priest says that since the man is the head of the household then everyone in the household should share his religion. I think that's crazy. Now, FI and I are going back and forth about this. IDK what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

ffmaid

You two need to discuss this before getting married. Yes it is typically a condition regardless of which is Catholic that in order to get married Catholic the children must be raised Catholic.  

kelmcgee

You seriously believe that?  What would you have done if there was a woman president?I guess we are lucky then our priest's theory is that even if he doesn't marry a couple, they are just going to find someone that will.     I agree with people do you think you could switch priests and use the same one your sister is using??  After all it's the same church.

amberoye

sargesgirl, I'm not saying that domestic violence and hurting women is okay, but I am saying that women who are willing to serve their husband and family are worthy of praise. Also, I think that when a man is put in a position of being the breadwinner and the protector it is good for their morale! Slavery was wrong, but it wasn't really considered wrong until the new covenant. It took Christians in the U.S. to start the abolitionist movement, but sadly, we partook in it also. And for FI and I, the dominance will be mutual, household and finances are for me (what I am good at) and his focus should be his career. These are our plans for now anyway, and we just find it to be the best way to serve God. Sorry if I took this thread in the wrong direction, I know it was on interfaith marriage and congrats sharenawl on finding a priest willing to work with ya!

sarges05girl

Amberoye--I get where you're coming from, but you can "serve" your husband without equating it to female submission. Submission has a very negative connotation. IMHO a man and his wife (or a wife and her husband) should equally be head of household and be serving to each other. I think it comes from the "two shall become one" passage. To me, that indicated that one is no longer greater than the other. They become one flesh, should make decisions together, and love/treat each other with respect. Not be submissive in any form of the word.And a man doesn't have to be the breadwinner for morale to be good. For a shor time, my father was unemployed (construction worker) and my mother provided for my family. It just showed me what a great team they were. My mom left being a SAHM to provide for her family. I don't see either of them as "head of the household." They both are the authority and they both share in decision making.But to each his own and I can agree to disagree. I may not agree with your beliefs, but I certainly won't degrade you for them. So, if it's working for you and your FI, good luck to you guys.

Jay&Marissa

And I have never heard of "the man is the head of the family" in a Catholic household. Never. We never even heard this in CCD before Vatican II. I hear it all the time, especially in Catholic weddings, but not in the obey/submissive context most people equate it with--it's about sacrifice and respect. A lot of it is explained in the analogy of Christ the Bridegroom and the Church, his Bride, but I wont get into that here.However, using it as an argument to say that is why your children should be raised Catholic is stupid, since it is a requirement of the church regardless of which spouse is Catholic. My grandparents were Methodist and Catholic, but both were half-practicing and that was the hardest thing on my dad growing up. It was confusing, and neither took a very big interest in their faith, so that didn't help either. He eventually converted to Catholicism on his own, but he had a rocky childhood faith.I think interfaith marriages can work (I've seen a very happy one between a Muslim man and a Catholic woman), but it is going to take work, and the fact that Baptists and Catholics view things very differently is going to make it hard.Have a long, hard talk about your faith now. Agree not to attack each other's religion, especially in front of kids. Explain the differences, and do research on your own--you will probably appreciate your own faith more anyway. Don't ignore it, though. It will cause major problems later on if you don't address it now.

agapecarrie

Please allow me to explain the true Catholic Church teaching of Eph 5- submission.Submissive, in this context, is saying to wives to be "under the mission of..."See, this is not sexist at all, in fact, this is showing that women are the pinnacle of God's creation.  Here's why...It says "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church" The Catholic definition of love is actually to will the best for a person. The best for every soul is to get to heaven. Emotions and romance are beautiful aspects of that love, but the decision to love every day is one of not only joy, but also suffering, just like Christ.So, this passage is telling us that the mission of Husbands is to love their wives even unto death...get their wives to heaven, even if it kills them. They are accountable for their families souls.So, wives, being under the mission of their husband, should allow her husband to love her.THAT is what this submission means. If you have a husband that loves like that, there is no problem with trusting your life and soul with him. Husbands actually have the harder job here.This is not chauvinistic, but an honoring of women. I recommend reading stuff on theology of the body, Christopher West does an excellent job explaining these things.

bel138

carrie - I'm pretty sure everyone who has attended pre-cana has heard the explanation of the historical and biblical meaning of submission. While you did a wonderful job explaining it, the actual word is not what everyone is taking issue with. While claiming to be upholding the traditions of the church, amber and butterfly are actually equating submission with servitude, which is exactly the opposite of the point you're trying to make. But they're using the same argument. Go figure.

Calypso1977

i do find it somewhat humorous that folks (myself included) always challenge the fact that the man is the head, but never that the woman is the heart.  anywho.

katien27

you absolutely do not have to be catholic in order to get married to your catholic fiance in the catholic church. i was raised catholic but my dad is not catholic. my mom is catholic and they got married in a catholic church. my dad never converted to catholicism. same thing with my sister, she and her husband got married in a catholic church, but he is not catholic. i have heard of signing a document that promises to raise your children catholic. i think this depends on the church/archdiocese in the area. my parents did not have to sign anything, but my sister's husband did.

sarges05girl

Calypso-- Interesting point.... I've never heard either (man=head; woman=heart), which is why I challenged the man=head bit. But I'd challenge the woman=heart bit too, b/c it's all based on gender stereotypes (why CAN'T the man be the heart of the family??), but this isn't the time or place for that discussion... :PPlus, sometimes, I like to stir the pot.

Calypso1977

sarges, my thoughts exactly.  but, at pre-cana, it was all about me wanting to be the boss, so we talked about the head part only.  haha.  

sarges05girl

Yeah, what's really funny though, is that FI came from a family where the husband IS head and his mom IS submissive (in the negative context). She fixes his dinner (out of fear of being yelled at, not cuz she wants to), cleans the house every.dam.day and basically bends over backwards for him. She never gets a say and when she tries, she's undermined.FI absolutely hates how life was growing up and thought his mom should have her due. So, we're (luckily) on the same page regarding equally being the head & heart.

Calypso1977

sarges, i hear ya.  my IL's are extremely traditional as far as gender roles go.  we butt heads alot.  luckily, my H is not as traditional.  he loves that i work and we have a joint say in finances, jobs, etc.  he's also not afraid to vacuum, do dishes or cook, although i will admit i do not touch the lawnmower or the grill.  haha.

juliereeser

Consult "Catechism of the Catholic Church"-very easy to use and it will tell you what you need to know. Also, many Catholic stores have several books on the topic of marriage. Maybe even check to see if your FI church has a library, or if you're close to the Diocese it should have a very helpful and extensive library. But I do agree with other posts that religion needs to be figured out before the"I do".

sarges05girl

Calypso--the lawnmower isn't my friend, either! :)But FI and I do split up (well, will split up) chores pretty evenly. And I told him right up front that I wasn't going to be his mother. If he gets home from work first, he better darn well have dinner at least in the oven!

Calypso1977

i think its the blades.  i'm afraid of the blades, even though they are hidden under the deck of the mower.  i dont touch teh snowblower either.  i guess its more of a fear thing than a "man's job" thing.  silly, i know!

sweetbutterfly509

I think people are confused at what some of us are saying. When i saw i trust my fiance to make important life decisions I'm NOT at all saying i don't get a say in those decisions. When we have a disagreement over a decision that does NOT mean what he wants always goes. Not even close. I'll go off of the examlpe already given so if i got a job offer and i wanted to take it i would ask him about it. Tell him i think we should look more into it that i think it would be a great opportunity for our family financially. I know he would look into where it was at what city what schools were near by what church etc. He would then come back and tell me what he found and if he had any problems with it. Like if there was not a conservite catholic church near by or a good catholic church for our children to go to. also we both want to live in a smaller town and about 10-20 miles outside of town. If I still thought it was worth it due to the money and he thought it would hurt our children's education and our faithlife we would argue and fight about it. If after we tried to come up with a compromise (which in this particular examlpe there is not really one) i would leave the final decision up to him. I do this because i trust that he will pray about it and make the best decision according to what God's will is for our family. This does not mean I will make dinner everynight or that I have no say in our lives. I do have a big say and even now when we disagree i let him make the final decision and a lot of the times he will make the one i would have made. He will admit he was wrong and that he just needed to pray about it. I think women take this being submissive to your husbands to an extrem of meaning being in an abusive relationship which is not at all what it is. When you think of it its actually a beautiful thing. And trust me i did not always feel this way. When i would read the verse I would roll my eyes and say as if! But when i was in RCIA I asked my priest about it and even argued with him for a while. After i prayed about it i came to realise. The priest was right. Obviuosly I don't expect everyone here to agree but I hope that people understand where I'm coming from. As always God Bless

sarges05girl

Calypso--see, I'm not afraid of the blades & I actually like cutting the grass at home (I still live w/ parents), but our yard is flat and the yard I'll be sharing with FI is sloped...so it's more of a lazy thing! ;Psweetbutterfly--I do see where you are coming from and if it works for you & your FI then good luck. But personally (I just have a very strong, stubborn personality I guess), if my FI & I disagree on something, there is no way I would let him have the final say. It's either compromise or nothing. I also think that if he can have this prayerful decision process, why can't I? Why does he have to do the praying and the decision making? I'm just as capable of having a relationship with God as he is, so I just don't get it. And I do get that (w/ the example given) there is a small window to nil for a compromise, but there's always something. Travel to church...or stay in a smaller town outside of the job and commute to work. That way you could have your cake and eat it to. But again, not arguing or bashing your beliefs, just trying to understand.Good luck with your marriage! (not snarky, I promise!)

Tiffayqp12

I am also Baptist and am marrying a Catholic, but I will be going through the classes and taking my first communion in the catholic church before the wedding.  We are having a full catholic mass with communion, but I will not be confirmed before the wedding.  The church is accepting my baptism from the baptist church... I think that you can get married without being Catholic in the Catholic Church, but you might not be able to have communion.  More importantly, I think you two should figure out the children thing beforehand because that is going to be an issue of contention!  Trust me, FI and I have had very long talks about this and ultimately I am converting, but I do not feel like I am losing my faith.

MidnightRae

I would suggest talking to your FI about the issue of how you will raise your kids first.I would suggest, teaching the kids about both religions and letting them decide for themselves what they want to be when they are older.