Catholic Weddings

wedding in less than a yr?

Hi everyone,Both families are Catholic.  I had heard from family church might not marry you in less than a yr after speaking with the priest.  However, my cousin got married in 10 or 11 months and was told as long as they did all the classes in time they were fine.  We were hoping to get married in April/May which is 8/9 months away, and were planning to be very flexible with getting things done to make that happen.  I just spoke with the priest at my church and he said its not possible, he can't marry us then bc its too soon.  The earliest he can do is July... which I'm upset about. We really want a spring wedding and don't want to wait 1 1/2 yrs..  I really thought I heard somewhere that completing the classes is most important regardless of the time it takes...Has anyone been in a similar situation or knows someone who has?  -Cilla

Re: wedding in less than a yr?

  • edited December 2011
    My fiance's family has been very involved in the parish we are getting married at since he was born.  I'm not sure if they made a special exception for us or not... however we got engaged in April and we're getting married November this year.  We were able to get through all of the classes, meetings etc without any problems at all. We lucked into November though, because the church had a cancellation the same week we started looking at dates... so really it was just a few days past 6 moths.  That's their cut off at their parish--- at least 6 months in advance. Good luck!  
  • edited December 2011
    churches in my area require six months notification, may be different elsewhere, but that's the standard I've heard in VA and NC.
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
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    edited December 2011
    we were engaged July 2008, married February, 2009.the only time i've heard of it taking longer than 6 months is where there are issues with divorces that need to be annulled, or other impediments.
  • tnspighttnspight
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    We belong to a small parish in MI.  The Church requests six months notice.  One thing that Fr said was that our FOCCUS test results would dictate how often we'd need to meet.  Since we had a high % of agreement we didn't need to meet for long (5-6 one hour sessions).  He also mentioned that after looking at some couple's results, he had to tell them that he couldn't marry them quickly (people w/2-3 months notice).  Ask FI's priest; see what he says. 
  • edited December 2011
    Some churches require that you be a member for six months before applying for marriage.  The marriage counseling process usually is required to be six months, so that might be where they get their required year.Mine let me apply for membership and marriage the same day, so it was only six months for me.  I'm also in VA.
  • edited December 2011
    thanks! this has been very helpful and informative.  I'm in NJ so now I'm trying to do some research to see if its a NJ law or just the specific area.  But that's what I originally heard- definitely no less than 6 months so I thought we were ok for april or may..i hope to figure something out soon
  • edited December 2011
    there is no "law" or is this a catholic "rule".  it varies from priest to priest and parish to parish.  if you must get married next spring, i suggest you start looking at other churches. 
  • ootmother2ootmother2
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    edited December 2011
    This varies church to church, year to year.I was married in 10 days, church was available, pastor saw not problem as he had know me and my family for years.Church rules on this?  Go back 25 years and the Church said it was a serious sin to be engaged more than 6 months.  It presented a "near occasion of sin" to be engaged longer.Talk to your priest about scheduling your pre cana in another area more convenient to you.  It is not a matter carved in stone.
  • edited December 2011
    This is your church's policy.  Can you start checking with other churches? Our church required 6 months notice, but you had to have been a member for 12 months first. 
  • edited December 2011
    Church policy can be vary GREATLY. At the parish FI and I attend (not the one we are marrying at), they wanted us to live in separate households for 6 months until they would even discuss marriage with us, then have 6 month marriage prep, then wait another 6 months because I am under the age of 21. What I don't understand is why priests want to make the engagement period longer...doesn't this just result in a longer period of being in the near occasions of sin? FI and I strive to be chaste as it is...I can't imagine having to wait a year and a half..
  • edited December 2011
    OOT that is very interesting!  and yet now it's near impossible to get married in that short of an engagement time...
  • edited December 2011
    I could be wrong, but I believe that churches often prescribe long engagements to try to minimize the risk of celebrating a marriage that will end in divorce.  My priest keeps emphasizing how important our sessions are with him so he can be sure that my FI and I really know each other before it's too late to do anything about it.I don't think six months is outlandish at all, and I even can understand one year, but much more than that is overkill, IMO.  Still, that's not my decision to make; the Church takes *all* of its sacraments seriously and wants to be sure that both parties in a couple are completely comfortable with their decisions.FWIW, I'm 22 and my FI is 23, and my priest is kind of giving us a hard time about our ages.  He's not being mean at all, and he's not making us take extra time, but he has said many times that we're rather young.  I know we are, and even I can feel that there's still a small part of me that hasn't become what it will be in five years, so I completely understand his caution.  Honestly, I really want my church's confident seal of approval on this match that I am already certain is a good one, so I don't mind going through the longish process.Then again, my FI and I have been engaged since May 2008, so January cannot come soon enough for us.  If someone told me that I had to wait an EXTRA year, I might be a little bit peeved.
  • edited December 2011
    I believe our cutoff is also 6 months, and as long as you can get the pre-Cana or required classes in on time...but I guess each church can be different. Have you asked the priest at his church to see what he says?
    Crosswalk
  • jobiannjobiann
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Our church requires at least 6 month notice, however if you want to be picky about your date, you might want to do it earlier...we did it the week after we got engaged, 11 months out.  The church is also our home parish, so our Priest knows us well. 
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  • ootmother2ootmother2
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
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    edited December 2011
    alliecarrie,just saw your reply. Perhaps it is different now.We just went home one night, Wednesday, and announced to my dad that we were getting married a week from Saturday.  He said "no, you're not."  I said "yes we are".  He sighed.  I was barely 21."You calll your grandmothers, I'll call Fr. XX (pastor and family friend), call Mrs. V to play the harp, Mrs. G will sing and get Shepard's about the flowers. Take my Amex and buy yourself something pretty, whatever you ladies need to get married."and that was that.Of course, ootdaughter's wedding took about 14 months of planning, finding a church, then pre cana, gown searching, reception venue, etc. but it all worked out in the end.  Things were simpler in the old days ;)
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977
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    edited December 2011
    oot, interesting story about you!  i never would have thought you'd have a short engagement like that, without the elaborate planning and such.  i now clearly see why you were so passionate about your daughter's wedding and plans.
  • ootmother2ootmother2
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    edited December 2011
    Calypso, not that odd. We are just very different people who wanted different things. She wanted a wedding on Cape Cod and I wanted it at home.  One takes a lot of arranging, the other not much at all.She wanted 200+ guests, I had about 150 as I remember.  I had two attendants, she had 7. Pretty similar receptions though.  As I said, things were easier to get done back then.  Bands weren't booked over a year out then either.
  • tafayetafaye
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I now live in NC, and getting married there, but I used to live in NJ and have had many catholic family weddings there.  Most were planed 9 or so months.  Short engagements.  So it is not a NJ Law, at least not if you are part of the Camden Dioses.  There are so many catholic churches there I am sure you can find one where it is not an issue.  Each church does the pre cana different too.  So that may be part of it at your church, or spring does get booked quick.
  • scoffindafferscoffindaffer
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Our church in Kansas City required nine months (sigh) We are both very ready, but we've needed to go through a lot of classes and although we are impatient, the classes have been very spiritual.
  • Tiffany&AdamLTiffany&AdamL
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    It totally depends on the priest. He's the one that's got to petition the bishop, after all. My fiance and I are living in Spain and moving to the UK, and prior to that spent 2 years in South Korea. I haven't seen my parish priest more than 5 times in the last 3 years. However, it's my family's parish, I've been going there since I was quite small, and participated in all of the church programs. Aaanyway... point. Priest has never met my fiance, we got engaged in June and planned for a Dec 2010 wedding. Then in the middle of August we changed our minds and wanted Dec 2009. Hadn't done any planning prior, so called my parents and told them the desire to change, and we started planning. They called the priest and explained we'd been engaged since June and together for nearly two years. Could we do a Dec wedding? He said sure. As far as pre-marriage classes, check around and see if anywhere does Engagement Encounter weekends. You get the certificate after an intensive weekend away with your honey to discuss all those important issues.So we're doing just over 4 months, and that's with a mixed religion marriage and all the special dispensation necessary (Pittsburgh diocese requires 3-6 months, they're rushing ours), as well as the fact that we're in Europe and the wedding will be in Pennsylvania. We're having Skype meetings with the priest a few times, and I'm flying home in Nov to stay and finish planning while my fiance is flying home for a weekend in Nov to sign papers with me.Ask around, and good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    Is that because your church is booked up for marriage ceremonies until July? Spring is a popular choice for weddings.
  • edited December 2011
    We just talked to our church this past August, and we are planning on getting married in October 2010. Our deacon laughed at us and said we were sure ahead of the game by coming in 14 months early. SO, that being said, if YOU are too late and I'M too early, when the heck do they expect all us married couples to come in? I think your priest is being extreme. Maybe you should switch parishes or something.
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