Anyone done an Engaged Encounter weekend?

Mapper71

My fiance and I just met with the priest today for the first time to go over what needs to be done before our wedding. We can't do the one night a week for 6 weeks of the pre marriage classes due to his work schedule so we need to sign up for the one weekend retreat. Has anyone done one of these? What did you think of it and what was involved? From what I've read on other sites, you and your fiance are not allowed to sleep in the same room. Are you given a random roommate of the same sex or do you get a room to yourself?

blackfire5th

I really enjoyed our weekend! I would highly recommend it. There are a couple of married couples that lead the group. They discuss certain aspects of a healthy relationship and use their personal experiences to help explain things. Then you are split apart and are given about 10 min to write about a subject, then you meet privately with your FI and discuss what you wrote. DH and I had already discussed a lot of things, and we got really tired of writing, but the majority of couples still had a lot of things to discuss, so you never know what you don't know until you go. We were also given some free time and it was a pretty relaxing weekend to just focus on us and to be an engaged couple. We were seperated for sleeping, but everyone had their own room. It might be different depending on where the encounter is and how the building is set up.

dogluver315

We did the weekend and had the most wonderful time. As PP said, there are 2-3 married couples leading the retreat (and for us, a priest also, which happened to be the priest marrying us). Our married couples and priest were very open and honest about their relationships. After each section, you have private time to write your thoughts and then you meet back up as a couple to discuss things. Our weekend was over Valentine's Day and the married couples had this great prayer ceremony with candles, wine and cheese. It was truly an enjoyable weekend. We were placed in same sex rooms and I did have a roommate, but I am an early riser, so I was always in the shower and gone before my roommate even woke up. It was only for 2 nights, so no big deal. I would highly recommend it.

Jasmine&Rajah

Our Engaged Encounter weekend was fantastic.  The couples leading the retreat were awesome, as was the priest in attendance.  I did have a roommate (I was blessed, as she was a doll) but really, the only time you'll be in the room is to sleep!DH and I had already talked over a good amount of things that were covered, but it was still useful to answer specific questions and discuss them together.  (You really get out as much as you put into it in this regard.)  There was also some "down time" to relax, receive Reconciliation, walk around the trails at the retreat center . . . it was terrific and peaceful.  Individuals also had the opportunity to speak privately with the teaching couples at the start and end of each day.  This was very helpful because both couples had, of course, years of experience with NFP.  So in short, DH and I highly recommend it (and in the interest of full disclosure, we still donate regularly to EE as well as CCLI because of our great experiences with both.)

Leah&Christian09

We did this also and I highly recommend it. We really enjoyed it, and it was the only time we've had a whole weekend where we did nothing but focus on our relationship. I'll keep things we wrote to each other that weekend forever. We had the option to have roommates or pay extra for private rooms. We took the roommate option since it was only one night.

Sydney.O.Rutledge

I think it was worthwhile.  We really enjoyed ourselves even though FI was still severely jet-lagged.  There were one or two things I didn't really agree with, but it was still good for our relationship overall.Having a roommate was weird, but luckily mine was nice.  I think everyone is kind of on their best behavior for the situation and such a short timeframe.

tafaye

We did it as well... and all I can say is wow...We got so much more out of it then we thought we would.  We liked it because it took you away from your real life for a few days and allows you to focus on each other and all the reasons why you are getting married.We would bicker back and forth a few times a week, and because of that weekend, where we were able to listen to each other, and get on the same page, we have not bickered once, and that was at the end of june.So, it was way worth it and you should do it!

dmgarza21

Mapper71 I am so glad you asked this question. I just barely sent off the form for our weekend, I am glad to see that you all enjoyed your weeken and I am getting excited to go. I am the type of person that can express my feelings better in writing so hopefully it'll work out great.

dogluver315

I'm not sure about anyone else's weekend, but one of my favorite parts was the letter writing. Our priest and married couples gave us time (about an hour) to write a letter to two people (any two people). These people could be to someone who was wanted to thank or make amends to. The letter could also be to someone who had passed away. If you had an address, the letters would be mailed and if it was someone who had passed away, the letters would be burned with the intent that the person you wrote it to would know you wrote it. I wrote one to my sister (also MOH) thanking her for everything and telling her how much I love her even though I didn't show it growing up. I wrote the other letter to my FI's dad (he passed away when FI was 18) but also thanking him for raising such a wonderful son and that I would do everything I could to make sure he was happy for all his remaining years. When FI and I got back together and revealed who we wrote, FI cried when I said I wrote to his dad. It touched me so deeply as I had never seen him cry like that. Have a great time at your weekends.

[Deleted User]

Thank you for posting this! FI & I just concluded our pre-cana day on Saturday & I've already looked into attending this. My parents are involved in Marraige Encounter at my parish (and attended the weekend several years ago) and loved it.I do have two questions though - do you have to share any stories or experiences out loud, or is it moreso between you & FI? And is the fee high?

dmgarza21

To previous poster, our fee was $210 and I am not sure about your other question because we haven't been yet.

dogluver315

Our fee was $235 (this included our lodging, all meals, and the program). Also, our diocese offered assistance to those who wanted to attend the weekend but could not afford it. No, you don't have to answer to anything personal.

MissKitty0220

We only paid $80.00 but ours was not overnight. We had to be there on Friday at 7:00pm and we stayed until 10:00pm. Then we came back at 7:00am on Saturday and stayed until 10:00pm. Sunday was 7:00am - 4:00pm and we finished with mass.It was pretty much what everyone said here. A newlywedded married couple and an older couple lead discussions on different topics: children, finance, prayer, sex, etc. Then you split up and write about it. Then you come together and write a new response together and talk.You don't have to share anything. FI and I didn't really enjoy it that much but we didn't get to have a real retreat. It was in the gym of the local Catholic high school haha.

kmm2150

We did this, and I'm really glad - I think doing it all in one weekend rather than an hour or two a week makes you focus, and pay more attention to it.  Parts of it seemed more aimed toward very young couples who maybe haven't been together that long, encouraging you to talk about things like raising kids, managing money, relationship with each other's families, etc., that having been together almost 7 years we'd already talked about, but we still got a lot out of it.  Ours was close to home, so we were not required to stay the night and just drove to it each day.  I was also very pleased that they were not pushy at all about what you should believe or do or anything - talked about NFP but didn't overwhelm, no pressure on the many non-Catholics in attendance, and at no time did we have to discuss our experiences or share anything personal with rest of the couples or the priest, only with each other.  For us, this wasn't so much about "here's the rules you have to follow," but "here's how to communicate with other and some things to think about so your marriage is more successful." I think ours cost $150 or so (outside Boston).

cmkuno

We did this and even though we went into it rather skeptical, we both ended up loving it!  We got so much out of it, I was really impressed.  At ours they had us spend the night at the diocese building which as hotel-style rooms set up for retreats.  They had one wing for guys, one wing for girls, and yes, you got a randomly assigned roommate.  But it was fun, like being in college again!  The format is probably a little different everywhere you go, but at ours we had class-style meetings where two couples and priest gave us some advice on different topics.  Then we went our separate ways and answered some questions individually in a journal.  Then we got back together as a couple and talked about what we had written.