Can a Priest stop you from marrying?

afrenchprincess

I was previously married got a lack of form annulment which didn't require much investigation into my previous marriage. I was so glad to be done and left with no children other than painful memories.
The marriage was simply a mistake! Should have never gotten married and we simply didn't that not much in common and we irritated each other because honestly we loved the idea of being together  but really  didn't like each other. You can't make a marriage work based on those things.
Anyway my priest started asking questions about my previous marriage. I told him this and he said that he didn't  "like that" (regarding my thoughts on the previous marriage) and he feels a little uncomfortable with me marrying.
Can he stop us from marrying because he didn't like what I had to say about my previous marriage if I have already gotten an annulment?

Riss91

Yes he can refuse to marry you if he feels that you do not believe in marriage as the Church defines it. Or if he feels uncertain that you are prepared to make this commitment. I believe it is mentioned in Canon Law 1077. Remember that there are many requirements for a valid marriage, so if the priest does not feel you are able to enter into a valid marriage, he can refuse to marry you.

ETA: This is not common, so if the priest is uncomfortable I would take that seriously and reflect on why he feels that you shouldn't be married at this time. It might make sense to do some serious thinking.


Here are some of the requirements for a valid marriage:

Can.  1096 §1. For matrimonial consent to exist, the contracting parties must be at least not ignorant that marriage is a permanent partnership between a man and a woman ordered to the procreation of offspring by means of some sexual cooperation.

Can.  1101 §2. If, however, either or both of the parties by a positive act of the will exclude marriage itself, some essential element of marriage, or some essential property of marriage, the party contracts invalidly.

Can.  1102 §1. A marriage subject to a condition about the future cannot be contracted validly.

afrenchprincess

Hmm Ok I will speak with him about it. He never said that he wouldn't he said uncomfortable but he wanted to talk more. I was just seeing if that was a possibility so that I can get some insight before I meet with him next if he was considering denying us and possibly going to another church/priest.

lalaith50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_can-priest-stop-marrying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ce41f17-2967-4d16-b8b4-3e37e505831ePost:96bb70c0-7b25-4f0b-a466-5c0fc52da3f0">Re: Can a Priest stop you from marrying?</a>:
[QUOTE] so that I can get some insight before I meet with him next if he was considering denying us and possibly going to another church/priest.
Posted by afrenchprincess[/QUOTE]
well, I guess that's better than lying to him or giving him answers just cuz that's what you think he wants to hear...<div>
</div><div>But also, I'm surprised that you don't consider it a major red flag that the priest himself "feels uncomfortable with you marrying." You might think that the priest doesn't know you very well or something, but believe me, priests marry LOTS of people. And they have LOTS of life experience. And they hear LOTS of confessions. And they have probably watched or witnessed in some form LOTS of marriages disintegrate.</div><div>
</div><div>If a priest told me, even after one conversation, that he questioned my thoughts about a previous relationship, and my ability to make another supposedly life-long commitment, I would believe him! I would put some screeching brakes on my relationship and continue to seek counseling/advice, both from him, and possibly a professional Christian counselor. To do anything less would be nothing short of immature and prideful (by assuming that you are wiser than him!) -- both traits which will quickly send you on the path to divorce if you do go through with the marriage without addressing your own personal character flaws.</div>

pretzelgrrl

     He can't stop you from marrying but he can refuse to be the one to marry you. 

    I wouldn't worry yet...if he said he was uncomfotable but didn't say he wouldn't marry you so it means he heard some things that worry him but he wants to talk to you some more before he makes a final decision.
     What I am assuming is he is worried that you entered that marriage to quickly and wants to make sure you are not doing the same here.  If you are honest with him and discuss the difference between the last marriage and this future marriage.  You maybe able to show him that you are taking entering this marriage very seriously.
     And then, he may feel good about it and choose to marry you.

professorscience

I don't really have anything to add, but I hope that you put some careful consideration into this revelation, AFP, and I really hope this works out for you.

afrenchprincess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_can-priest-stop-marrying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ce41f17-2967-4d16-b8b4-3e37e505831ePost:da3d2be6-398b-42a7-916d-c0b30b6a9070">Re: Can a Priest stop you from marrying?</a>:
[QUOTE]     He can't stop you from marrying but he can refuse to be the one to marry you.      I wouldn't worry yet...if he said he was uncomfotable but didn't say he wouldn't marry you so it means he heard some things that worry him but he wants to talk to you some more before he makes a final decision.     <strong> What I am assuming is he is worried that you entered that marriage to quickly and wants to make sure you are not doing the same here</strong>.  If you are honest with him and discuss the difference between the last marriage and this future marriage.  You maybe able to show him that you are taking entering this marriage very seriously.      And then, he may feel good about it and choose to marry you.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]
Yes I am thinking that is what he is feeling. I think he had a real problem with the word "mistake" when I said it. But yes that is what I think. I will talk to him.

afrenchprincess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_can-priest-stop-marrying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ce41f17-2967-4d16-b8b4-3e37e505831ePost:da3d2be6-398b-42a7-916d-c0b30b6a9070">Re: Can a Priest stop you from marrying?</a>:
[QUOTE]     He can't stop you from marrying but he can refuse to be the one to marry you.      I wouldn't worry yet...if he said he was uncomfotable but didn't say he wouldn't marry you so it means he heard some things that worry him but he wants to talk to you some more before he makes a final decision.     <strong> What I am assuming is he is worried that you entered that marriage to quickly and wants to make sure you are not doing the same here</strong>.  If you are honest with him and discuss the difference between the last marriage and this future marriage.  You maybe able to show him that you are taking entering this marriage very seriously.      And then, he may feel good about it and choose to marry you.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]
Yes I am thinking that is what he is feeling. I think he had a real problem with the word "mistake" when I said it. But yes that is what I think. I will talk to him.

afrenchprincess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_can-priest-stop-marrying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ce41f17-2967-4d16-b8b4-3e37e505831ePost:8e17da15-d919-466a-9ea6-f6d65605ac21">Re: Can a Priest stop you from marrying?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes he can refuse to marry you if he feels that you do not believe in marriage as the Church defines it. <strong>Or if he feels uncertain that you are prepared to make this commitment.</strong> I believe it is mentioned in Canon Law 1077. Remember that there are many requirements for a valid marriage, so if the priest does not feel you are able to enter into a valid marriage, he can refuse to marry you. ETA: This is not common, so if the priest is uncomfortable I would take that seriously and reflect on why he feels that you shouldn't be married at this time. It might make sense to do some serious thinking. Here are some of the requirements for a valid marriage: Can.  1096 § 1 . For matrimonial consent to exist , the contracting parties must be at least not ignorant that marriage is a permanent partnership between a man and a woman ordered to the procreation of offspring by means of some sexual cooperation . Can.  1101 § 2 . If, however, either or both of the parties by a positive act of the will exclude marriage itself, some essential element of marriage , or some essential property of marriage , the party contracts invalidly . Can.  1102 § 1 . A marriage subject to a condition about the future cannot be contracted validly .
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE
I understand this however wouldn't I be getting ready and prepared to make this commitment during my marriage prep that I am going through now? I don't see how he can make that decision when we haven't completedd the marriage prep as of yet? Assuming that is what he is feeling/thinking. Thanks.

professorscience

You would be surprised at the number of people who seek to be married who are not prepared to be married.  Clearly it happens, because people do realize they never should have been married in the first place.

The marriage preparation is not just a ritual for you to go through to get down the aisle.  It's also supposed to help you decide if this is, in fact, the right choice for you and your FI.  It's a time for everyone to make sure that you are entering into this committment validly.  The priest might not have even meant that he wouldn't marry you, he might have just meant that he'd like to further explore your opinions on marriage before going forward.

afrenchprincess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_can-priest-stop-marrying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ce41f17-2967-4d16-b8b4-3e37e505831ePost:091697cb-135b-4e6c-97d9-be445cfae5bc">Re: Can a Priest stop you from marrying?</a>:
[QUOTE]You would be surprised at the number of people who seek to be married who are not prepared to be married.  Clearly it happens, because<strong> people do realize they never should have been married in the first place. </strong>The marriage preparation is not just a ritual for you to go through to get down the aisle.  It's also supposed to help you decide if this is, in fact, the right choice for you and your FI.  It's a time for everyone to make sure that you are entering into this committment validly.  The priest might not have even meant that he wouldn't marry you, he might have just meant that he'd like to further explore your opinions on marriage before going forward.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]
That is very true because it happened in my first marriage. We just shouldn't have gotten married. So I made sure that we didn't repeat those same mistales in this marriage., But I am now smarter and have learned from those mistakes. But his is all what I will tell my priest.

lalaith50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_can-priest-stop-marrying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ce41f17-2967-4d16-b8b4-3e37e505831ePost:7694fc39-33ff-458b-ba90-9f529d06f1b9">Re: Can a Priest stop you from marrying?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can a Priest stop you from marrying? : That is very true because it happened in my first marriage. We just shouldn't have gotten married. So I made sure that we didn't repeat those same mistales in this marriage., But I am now smarter and have learned from those mistakes. But his is all what I will tell my priest.
Posted by afrenchprincess[/QUOTE]
But you were probably "sure" before your last marriage that you were "ready," right?<div>So, do you think that there is <em>any chance</em> that you actually "aren't ready," and yet you think you are, and that maybe someone like a priest might see something you don't, and maybe you should be honest with him and <em>listen</em> to his concerns?</div>

afrenchprincess

LALAITH I will listen to what he has to say. But if he is bringing up the past as major reasons to have concerns or not marry us then I may have to find another church if I seriously disagree with him. But we'll see what happens and what he says I will be open to his opinions and thoughts and hoping for the best!