Reader for Prayers of the Faithful, is it considered a lesser role in the ceremony?

kikibird

I want to include my stepfather in the ceremony, and was thinking of asking him to read the Prayers of the Faithful, since I like the idea of him leading us all in the prayers, especially the one that blesses our marriage.  The other reason is because not all of the readers are Catholic and since he's a practicing Catholic I thought he might be able to do them better, if that makes any sense, since he's familiar with the format.  

But when I asked my mom what she thought of the idea, she instantly seemed to feel it was a less important role than doing a "reading".  So I'm torn whether he should do a reading.  My stepdad said he'd read whatever I wanted him to, but I guess I feel like my mother would think he was being slighted.  

We are also thinking of having FI's father do the Responsorial Psalm, because while he's not Catholic, he goes to Catholic church with FI's stepmother who is, and again, I was thinking it would be best to have someone familiar with the mass to read these parts.  

The other two possibilities as readers are my favorite cousin and FI's sister, and I thought they could do the scripture readings.  Neither are practicing Catholics, though my cousin was raised as one, and is psyched to be a part of it.

Am I thinking this through backwards?  Should the two fathers do the readings and the others do the psalm and prayers?  Is it not so important that Catholics do these segments?  My dad will be walking me down the aisle, so the point was to include all three fathers somehow.

Sorry to have gone on so long... took a bit to explain!

What did you do?  Did you/do you think there's a hierarchy of participation in the ceremony?

TIA!

(Edited for clarification)

ring_pop

Although some roles are clearly bigger than others (MOH, for example), I'd advise you to forget your hangups about the "hierarchy" of wedding roles. Don't use your wedding as a way to tell people exactly where they stand with you; and your family would be petty to interpret it as such. It's a family event, and everyone should be excited to attend, participate, and support you and your fiance.

That being said, I personally felt more comfortable asking Catholics to read the Scripture. I asked my cousins, who are non-Catholics to the Prayers of the Faithful.

kikibird

Thanks ring_pop.  I definitely DON'T want people to think that if we ask them to do the Prayers of the Faithful it means less to us than if we asked them to do a Scripture reading.  I was just afraid some might see it that way, and would think there was some sort of ranking, mostly based on my mother's reaction when I told her I wanted my stepdad to do the Prayers.  I finally was able to get across to her that I thought having my stepfather say the Prayers would be particularly meaningful because as part of his reading he would be leading all our guests in a prayer over our marriage, which my mother understood.  But then again, the entire ceremony is a prayer, so yeah, in that sense, it won't matter what participants do, they will all be a part of the sacrament.  

I guess it's that my mother's reaction (which I was surprised by) made me doubt my choice, so I wasn't sure if her reaction was something worth taking into account.  

Thanks again!

GulfCoaster

Be sure to double-check your reader choices with the priest...  Our priest told us that the readers needed to be Catholic.  I have no idea whether this is a universal rule or just the parish's rule, but I just thought I'd give you a heads-up on our experience.  I have heard of other couples using non-Catholic lectors at weddings, so I suspect it isn't a universal rule...  but I think you'd want to check with your priest if you haven't talked to him about it already. 

(FWIW, that rule was fine for us because my husband wanted his grandfather, who is a lector at his home parish, to do one of the readings, and I wanted the close friend who introduced us to do the other reading, and MOH to do the prayers of the faithful.  All are Catholic, so there were no issues there.)

Anyway, I don't think the prayers of the faithful are a "lesser" role than the Scripture readings.  The prayers can be very meaningful, so I guess I'm not sure why your mother sees them as lesser.  Perhaps she just is sensitive to making it appear as if your stepfather's role is not somehow less than your father or FI's father.  But if your stepfather doesn't think the prayers of the faithful is a lesser role, go for it.  It's still a meaningful part of the ceremony (particularly if you compose some of your own intercessions -- or maybe your stepfather could even compose a couple), and a nice way of including your stepfather.

kikibird

Thanks for the heads up about Catholic readers!  I never would have thought of that.  Our priest has been pretty laid back about everything, but always good to check.  And I do think that any of the people we're asking to be a part of the ceremony will be happy to do whichever part.

That's also a great idea to ask my stepfather to help compose the prayers.  Either that or we will tweak them to be more personal to us.  

It was a weird phone conversation with my mom.  When it came down to it, she said she didn't realize that the readings were going to be Scripture readings, but more like the poems that I and my uncle read at her and stepdad's wedding a few years ago.  She got remarried by a JP, so I guess she forgot what a Catholic ceremony entails.  By the end of the conversation she understood better where I was coming from, but it was the awkward moments during it that tripped me up.  

Thanks again for your helpful advice!