Church donation

lynnyloo

Hello ladies.  I would like your opinions on the church where we will be married  suggested donation for our ceremony. 

First, a little background.  My fiance is baptized and confirmed Catholic and used to attend a Vietnamese Catholic Church in our local area.  The last two months we have started going to a Catholic Church in our area that has services in English (so I can understand the service) since I have decided to convert for our upcoming marriage (and for the sake of raising our future children in one religion, I am baptized and confirmed Lutheran).  We will be getting married in my hometown state of Montana (very far from where we now live).  So we have contacted a very nice cathedral there to discuss holding our ceremony there.  However, they would like a $1,000 donation for non-parishoners.  We are in the process of discussing with them the possiblity of slightly reducing the donation (as we're hoping to hold the wedding for $5K or less).  We will also be paying for pre-wedding preparation in the area we live as well as our weekly donations to our parish.  The costs are adding up fast.  I realize that we are not regular parishoners or contributers to the church were we would like to hold our ceremony, but it does seem a little excessive to me.

elise987

I'm sorry it's so much, that certainly takes a big bite out of your budget.  However, I think most churches have similar policies.  For example, my church has three levels of donation depending on where you stand.  For parishioners that regularly attend mass and donate, it is $350.  For parishioners that do not, it is around $700.  For nonparishioners, I'm pretty sure it's over $1000.  I would try and talk to them about your budget constraints, but my assumption would be that they would only give a break to regular parishioners anyway.  Good luck!

ring_pop

The cathedral is probably asking for such a large donation because it's in high demand, and also because the costs of running a larger church are obviously higher than those of a smaller church.

Not really sure what advice you're asking for... if you can't get the donation down to an amount that works for you, find another church?

MissAngel

How long do you have until your wedding?  Will they let you register and contribute via e-giving or mailing in some type of donation before you are married?  I am doing it this way because I too, live very far away from the city where we will be married.  Parishioners pay $200-$600 depending on their participation and $1000-$1500 for non-parishioners.  Do any of your parents live there?  Can they register and contribute (or may already have been?).  If you have quite a bit of time before the wedding and depending on the church rules, you might be able to get around this.  The church I am getting married at is also a very popular location and thus have a very high rate for non-parishioners.  They prefer to reserve it for parishioners...  And it is a larger church so the operating expenses are very high and if you aren't a regular contributing parishioner (where funds are ultimate distributed to a portion of the expenses) they would likely charge more...

berrytr

Wow, I don't think I've ever heard of a parish charging so much money.  I agree with the pp; if your parents attend this particlaur parish, maybe you should get them involved.  Just a thought.

MissAngel

It depends on the church.... I called several churches in my area and some were charging $500-$600 for parishioners, I couldn't imagine what the fee is for non-parishioners... and they aren't nearly as large as the one I chose...

ring_pop

I assume her parents are Lutheran seeing as how she was baptized and confirmed Lutheran...

MissAngel

His parents?  My parents are registered at 2 parishes... one Vietnamese and one English since my sister goes to the Catholic School...

Even grandparents, aunts, uncles... someone that is contributing...

Theresa626

Yep, it's totally excessive and also completely normal. Sucks, doesn't it?  Maybe if you talk to them and tell them your total budget they will drop the fee for you but I doubt it.  YOu might have to get married in a smaller less pretty church because popular churches like to charge a lot.  Around here, many churches charge a thousand dollars to PARISHIONERS.  One church by Disney charges 3,000 dollars plus the donations every month and the pre-cana costs.  None of the churches here are flexible in the slightest about money.  You don't pay then you don't get married.  In general, the nicer the church is, the more they charge. I'm paying 750 dollars for a parishioner fee. 

[Deleted User]

Ouch, that is a lot. My FI used to be a parishoner at the church we are getting married at before we moved out of state, and the fees are expensive but nothing like that. I think we are paying $650 b/c of being non-members and members pay $450 if I remember correctly without having the stuff in front of me. I have heard some steep ones, and it does suck, but all churches need their money to operate.

GulfCoaster

Well, it's normal for churches to charge more for non-parishioners to use their facilities.  (The rationale is that parishioners are already contributing financially to the upkeep of the church building.)  And cathedrals frequently charge more than smaller churches... After all, the cost of running a larger church building is higher than running a smaller church building.

My first suggestion would be to talk to other Catholic parishes near the cathedral in Montana, and see what rates they charge non-parishioners.

pjseabee

I'm floored.  I know the church expects a "donation" for performing the wedding ceremony, but I didn't know it was so excessive.  After reading this I started wondering if we can really afford to get married in the church!  I called my mom to find out since she attends the church we have booked.  My brother was married in that same church ... and knowing my cheapskate brother as I do, if it was an amount like previous posts have stated he certainly wouldn't have gotten married there.  My mom thinks it was around $100 for his wedding.  What the heck kind of churches are you ladies getting married in?!?

agapecarrie

Cathedrals, and other "wedding" churches usually charge more because so many people come to the church just to have pretty pictures. The churches tend to be older and taller, in which climate control is extremely expernsive.

OP excluded, but can we put this into perspective... Many people think nothing of dropping over 30K on their wedding. $1000 isn't even 3 % of that...and this is the place where the actual marriage takes place! This is the important part.

The $ is not payment for a sacrament. What would it cost to  bring 200 of your closest friends and rent out any other building for a few hours? You have the cleaning staff (not during regular working hours), climate control (this is a big one because many churches don't run the heat/a/c during the day unless it is in use, in addition many times some kind of house wedding coordinator who have to do a LOT. If you wanted, you could come to a daily mass, say your vows during that mass with a few witnesses, not all the extra hoopla, and it could be free.

MissAngel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_church-donation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:8b64da23-c371-458e-9725-df164c03e9a9Post:14191665-e610-443d-b14a-101593f1b8c7">Re: Church donation</a>:
[QUOTE]If you wanted, you could come to a daily mass, say your vows during that mass with a few witnesses, not all the extra hoopla, and it could be free.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

This is true.  You could have it on a weekday and just say your vows during a normal working time and they probably wouldn't charge you...

vanessahurd

This is a pretty normal request, and unfortunately, because you or your familiy members are not parishoners, the priests don't get the chance to know you on a personal level and are unlikely to reduce the fee

And Theresa, when I first read your repsonse, I thought you were saying there was  a Church by Disney...as in a Disney Corporation sponsered Church, and was like WTF? HA! It took me a second to realize you were talking about geographic location...

...I'm a little slow sometimes

Riss91

Our chapel charged us $750 as non-parishoners and it was a small chapel that wasn't very well known.

I think you would be better suited to a smaller, intimate location. Just keep calling churches in the area and explain your situation. And good luck with your planning - I'm sure it's a lot of effort trying to work with a small budget.

Clare13

Unfortunately this is very normal for Cathedrals.  They are large buildings with major upkeep.  I have been a member of a Cathedral my entire life and am getting married in one. Had I wanted to get married in a park, I would have needed to hire a JOP, rent chairs, linens, hire musicians and get flowers for the ceremony just to name a few of the expenses.  Having it at the church, I did not have to do a single one of these expenses.  That alone would offset the cost had I been comparing.  If you want a location that is less expensive, I suggest looking at smaller churches or doing it during the week immediately after a mass.  For me, the church and marriage ceremony was the most important part.  I figured out the budget starting with the cost of the church.