Catholic Weddings
Options

walking down the aisle

I went to pre cana today and was DEVASTED to find out my father can not walk me down the aisle. Instead the church would like me and my fiancee to walk down together
I am going to specifically ask the priest about this, again like I said this is a very important issue to me. Anyone else being told this?

Re: walking down the aisle

  • Options
    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Tell the priest how you feel if it's a very important issue to you!

    That's one priest's (or church) rule, it's not a rule of the Catholic Church itself.

    I would find another church if he won't accomodate your wishes
  • Options
    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Actually, it is written that way in the marriage rite. It is indeed the Catholic Church's rule. However, it also allows for cultural adaptations. You said this was told to you at pre-cana...was it by your priest? or was this a diocesan leader or something? They may be just teaching what the rite calls for, and are not referring to your specific parish.

    Talk to the priest about your concerns, but I suggest approaching it from the idea that there is something more to the whole thing to learn, there is more symbolism in the liturgical procession than what tv and movies show. He will hopefully explain the reasons why the rite is written as such, and if he requires it.

  • Options
    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I've probably attended over 25 Catholic weddings, in the US and overseas and I have never seen the bride not escorted by her father or male relative.

    Sorry, I didn't go back to the Dark Ages to check
  • Options
    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_walking-down-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a529387d-7273-4b8f-b00c-f0bca422ccd9Post:eb45425e-68f7-451b-8ef9-c6217e8c97c6">Re: walking down the aisle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've probably attended over 25 Catholic weddings, in the US and overseas and I have never seen the bride not escorted by her father or male relative. Sorry, I didn't go back to the Dark Ages to check
    Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

    It's not the dark ages, its the actual way the rite is written.  Post vatican 2.

    It doesn't happen often, but that doesn't change the fact that that is the rubric.
  • Options
    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011


    Go talk to the priest.  If he won't accomodate your wishes, look for a different church. 

    I know it's only 5 or so months to your wedding but there are at least a dozen churches in Philly.  You may also ask on your local.

    Good luck!
  • Options
    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was told the same thing by my music director.  I asked the priest about it, and he told me to process however H and I pleased.  So my father walked me down the aisle.
  • Options
    Riss91Riss91 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    agape is right (and I fail to see how post Vatican 2 is the dark ages, or why it was necessary to make that comment) that there is a basic standard stating that the bride and groom should walk down the aisle together. However, I've only heard of one bride ever do it that way. This is definitely something that your specific priest will determine. Our pre-cana instructors never said anything like that. I'm sure you'll be able to work it out.
  • Options
    bel138bel138 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There are at least two women on this board that walked with their H. I think the symbolism is beautiful and makes much more sense when you think about it. However, your priest has the final say. You should ask him.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    oot, if you had been at my wedding, you would have seen me escorted by my H.

    the book we were provided, stated that the couple should walk together.  that is the traditional method.  however, my priest actually assumed at the rehearsal that my groom would stand at the front.  he was pleasantly surprised when i told him we wanted to walk together.  i will admit tho, that we wanted to walk together before we ever read the book we were provided.  it made sense to us.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Our priest let us choose. But I have heard of more and more priests encouraging ladies to walk down the aisle with their husbands to be.

    Just talk to the priest. If he doesn't budge on the issue, at least you will still be married at the end of the day. Some priests have their own way of doing things within their parish. I know there were several things that our priest did not allow, but I have seen at other Catholic weddings.
  • Options
    clearheavensclearheavens member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_walking-down-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:a529387d-7273-4b8f-b00c-f0bca422ccd9Post:fad65a7e-d085-442e-9317-371dd5f24e22">Re: walking down the aisle</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>There are at least two women on this board that walked with their H. </strong>I think the symbolism is beautiful and makes much more sense when you think about it. However, your priest has the final say. You should ask him.
    Posted by bel138[/QUOTE]

    <div>In addition to Calypso, the other is probably me.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm going to walk with FI down the aisle.  It's the cultural norm in the Catholic Church in most of Europe and Asia.  It is in the USA that we're adapting to the father walking the bride down the aisle.  And that's the beauty of our church, that no matter where we are in the world, we're a universal Church.  My theory (and not an official statement of the Church) is that our country is mostly Protestant, and just like the Unity Candle Ceremony or the "you may kiss the bride", it may be a Protestant influence.</div><div>
    </div><div>I don't mean that those who choose to be walked down by their dads have less Catholic ceremonies or less holy weddings.  There are some good meaning behind Protestant traditions.  Or at least being walked down by dad is very sweet and romantic.  I only mean that it is not the norm in the Catholic Church around the world.</div><div>
    </div><div>Our two reasons why we're walking each other down:</div><div>
    </div><div>1. symbolizes the "free will" requirement of all Catholic marriages; that we enter it freely, without cohersion, and on our own</div><div>2. symbolizes that we, as man and woman, are equal</div><div>
    </div><div>The USCCB (US Conference of Catholic Bishops) wrote an article in May 2009 stating their suggestion for B&Gs in the USA to walk down with their parents.  <strong>The key here is that it's a suggestion.  You don't need a dispensation from your bishop either way.  Your priest does have final say.</strong>  Good news is, most are pretty open to doing it either way.</div><div>
    </div><div>Here's the article and the most important quote in it that summarizes what agape was saying:</div><div>
    </div><div><a style="font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;text-decoration:none;" href="http://www.usccb.org/comm/archives/2009/09-097.shtml">http://www.usccb.org/comm/archives/2009/09-097.shtml</a></div><div>
    </div><div><span style="font-size:12px;color:#000000;line-height:normal;font-family:arial, helvetica, 'sans serif', verdana;" class="Apple-style-span"><em>Having both bride and groom escorted down the aisle by their parents expresses equality of the man and woman. That’s also the suggestion of the Catholic Rite of Marriage, said Father Rick Hilgartner, associate director of the U.S. Bishop’ Secretariat for Divine Worship. 
                
    “The bride and the groom enter freely and equally into marriage, and the entrance procession should reflect that,” he said.</em></span></div>
    Follow Me on Pinterest

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    bel138bel138 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I only knew of calypso and me. So...three.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    katetwkatetw member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We were definitely told by our parish priest that the church prefers the husband and wife to enter together -- Together for Life actually emphasizes that the rite states that. That said, our parish priest explained that as long as we understood the reasons why the church preferred it, and as long as we understood that the father walking the bride down the aisle originally signified transferance of ownership (he literally asked us this question, but not in a mean or snarky or disapproving way), he was fine with whatever we decided. It's very important to my dad to walk me down the aisle, and not really important to either of us, and heaven knows neither of us think of it as an ownership thing, so I'm walking down the aisle with my dad.
  • Options
    newlyseliskinewlyseliski member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto PP's... that is what the rite states and the symbolism of walking down the aisle with your soon-to-be husband is not from the "dark ages."  However, it is perfectly acceptable to opt to be escorted by your father.  I would have opted for the former, but know that my dad would be crushed if he didn't get to escort me down the aisle!  The rite has room for local cultural tradition, which the father escorting the bride is.  katetw is right that it used to reference "transferance of property" to some extent.... but nowadays it isn't seen as that and has a more sentimental value to it.  As my parents didn't always absolutely love my fiance, it will definitely have more significance to them openly accepting him as a member of my family and entrusting him with our future together.

    In the age of everyone wanting to make their weddings different and non-traditional... I think the Church is pretty unique in encouraging the bride and groom to walk up the aisle together.  

    For clarification, did your priest "force" this part of the rite on you or was it strongly suggested at a more general and separate pre-cana retreat?  I think when he understands your reasoning for wanting to opt for being escorted by your father, he will probably be fine with it.  I don't think it's necessary for you to switch churches.
  • Options
    _Dagney__Dagney_ member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am hoping to walk down the aisle by myself because I'm not being "given away" by anyone.  I'm entering of my own free will walking in as a single woman and out as a part of a couple.

    But I totally understand that it is normal for most brides to be escorted down the aisle.  And there is certainly nothing wrong with it.

    Mostly I just want to be centered on the aisle for my entrance. :)
  • Options
    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    dagney, that was my primary reason for walking with H.  i hate the symbolism of being given away.  walking alone was my second choice, but since we didnt care abotu seeing each other before hand, it just made sense to walk together. 
  • Options
    kolina93kolina93 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The Church I'm getting married at only allows three processions:

    1) Couple walk each other (toward their Sacrament to each other)
    2) Both parents escort each couple the groom walking before the bride, but again walking altogether not meeting one another at the alter.
    3) The whole wedding party is already placed at the front of the Church before the guest arrive.

    My FI's parents are unable to attend the ceremony (one is deceased and the other lives on Guam and can't afford to fly out here). So our only options were #1 and #3, we choose walking together and both appreciate what it means to do this. I think my mom is bummed about it, but she also understands the meaning behind it.
  • Options
    lalaith50lalaith50 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    that's actually a pretty cool idea that I've never even thought of before. I don't like how almost all weddings are about *the bride.* I mean like, yeah, we like everything to be beautiful and people to look at us and stuff, but so often it's just totally over-the-top. Rather than the "tah-dah" moment when everyone turns and looks ath *the bride* before she walks, that would really change the focus if everyone turned and saw *the couple.* It's about *us* and God.
    Anniversary
  • Options
    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    lalaith, i agree.  too often the processional is more of a theatrical/dramatic production or even a fashion show vs a solemn (yet joyous) one. 
  • Options
    MuddyInsigniaMuddyInsignia member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow, thank you all for that information and research. I did not know that and I am leaning towards the traditional Catholic way of both walking down together now...
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Yup, pretty much what everyone has already stated. The church teachs that this is a sacrament that we enter freely and as equals, so we are supposed to walk down together.

    However, like others of also said, this is variable by church, and most will allow you to process however you choose. I actually like the idea of FI and I walking in together, but I know my parents would be heartbroken, and I don't think FI minds either way.  I would talk to your priest before you call your father and let him down. You'll probably be allowed to process the traditional American way of Father "giving away" the daughter.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I'd never heard of this or seen it done at the catholic weddings i've been to. my dad isn't alive to walk me down the aisle- i'm so glad the church actually has a different preferred alterative!
  • Options
    MopsieBMopsieB member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Never heard of this in my life. But I'm walking down the aisle with BOTH of my parents. Why should my dad be the one to "give" me away when it's my mother who did the bulk of the work to have me??? (p.s.- my priest is fine with that and complimented me for giving my parents equal respect).
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards