Help! Pre-Marital Counseling Anxiety

sdelgaicco

I am Catholic, but my FI is agnostic. We are both very open-minded, and our relationship works well. He goes to mass with me often. We got engaged in October, and our date is 12/15/12. When I started talking to him about the pre-marital counseling, he started to get very anxious. He is nervous that the priest or whoever handles the sessions will be confrontational with him about his beliefs or the fact that we live together. Have any of you had experiences like this? I'm not sure how it's going to go, so I thought some of you could give me some reassurance with your own good experiences, or prepare me for what could happen. Thanks!

bibliophile2010

His not being Catholic should not be a problem at all. Some priests may have an issue with you living together, others won't have a problem with it, still others may ask you to separate or live as brother and sister (no sex, separate bedrooms), etc. All you can do is listen to what he says with an open mind and heart.

I know that lots of ladies here have successful mixed marriages or have attended marriage prep classes with several mixed faith couples. Many have reported that the non-Catholic party's fears were calmed when they realized the classes were not so much about forcing faith on you, but more about univeral relationship factors like communication.

sdelgaicco

Thanks for your input; I definitely feel better about it now.

OliveOilsMom

Ditto everything Biblio just said.  The priest will ask you about raising your children as Catholics, since your FI is agnostic.  That will be in your vows.  That is the only religious based question your FI will probably be asked. 

You first meeting with the priest, he will get a basic background for you and FI.  He will ask you to provide your Baptism certificate.  The next few meetings you will take the FOCCUS test, to make sure you are on the same page with certain issues, like finances, communication, etc.  He will go over those results with you.  You will have your pre cana, however it is done in your diocese.  And then lastly you will go over readings for the ceremony.

There really shouldn't be any anxiety!

Hilraythebride

I am not Catholic and my FI is, I was pretty nervous about meeting the priest and everything you had mentioned.

After meeting him my mind was totally at ease, we currently live together and did not put us down for doing so, he did not say anything negative about my faith or the fact that I am not Catholic.  He was very accepting and did not make either of us feel uncomfortable at any point.

Basically they want you to feel comfortable so that you (in this case he) converts to Catholisism, raises your children Catholic, and become and active member in the church.

sdelgaicco

Yay! I really feel a lot better, and I am going to let my FI read these posts, so hopefully he will feel better, too. Thank y'all!

sigmaurse

Your priest shouldn't have any issue's with your fiance not being Catholic. My concern for you is have you talked about how you are going to raise your kids in regards to religion? I can't imagine marrying someone who didn't have the same faith as me, especially someone who doesn't believe in God or Religion. I'm not putting you or your fiance down by any means, I just wanted to make sure you have discussed these things and have a plan for your marriage. You will probably talk about that in your marriage counseling classes. It's very important to discuss these things prior to marriage in my opinion. I don't mean any disrespect, I'm just trying to be helpful. God bless and good luck with your planning and classes!