Florida-West Coast
Options

BM Issues

Hello, I'm looking for oppinions on my BM situation. Here's the story in a nutshell. My FI & I live in Massachusetts & are getting married in FL. We are having a very small wedding party. MOH (my sis) lives in FL. BM (best friend since 3rd grade) lives in MA. Best Man (lives in MA). FG (niece) lives in FL. That's it. Originally, we were supposed to get married this past March in MA but we postponed the wedding & decided to get married in FL instead. Without even asking my BM assured me that she still wanted to be in the wedding. Before deciding on a date, I told her I was trying to pick a date during school vacation (she's a teacher & so is FMIL & Best Man) so it would be convenient for as many people as possible. We decided on the last Saturday of Feb. vacation. The problem is she's constantly complaining about money (flight, hotel, etc). I've been suggesting many cost cutting options to her (staying an extra day for cheaper flight, sharing a room w/ someone, etc) I even got her a hotel room for $35/night! Nothing makes her stop complaining & I don't even want to talk to her about the wedding anymore. My MOH tried to make bacholorette party plans w/ her & she said to do it w/o her... she has no money. I called her yesterday to tell her that they had cute flip flops on sale at Old Navy for $7 that she could wear for the beach ceremony if she wanted. I also gave her the option to go barefoot. Her response... that's nice, but I have no money. But she just bought a brand new Jeep. She has money. Every weekend she spends tons of money on herself. I don't know what to do. Suggestions?
PitaPata Dog tickers PitaPata Dog tickers BabyName Ticker

Re: BM Issues

  • Options
    Mrs.KristenMrs.Kristen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like she doesn't want to be a BM, which if that's the case she needs to just come out and say it. Actions speak louder then words. Not saying she may or may not have money issues, but if she doesn't have the money now for $7 flip flops do you think she is going to have the money closer to your wedding or is she last min going to tell you she is pulling out. It is a rough situation It comes down to are you willing to hear her complain about money then go on shopping sprees and then not have any cash for your wedding. I'd talk to her though and explain your concerns and let her know that when you changed your wedding she expressed she still wanted to be a part of it but you are starting to feel that because of her actions you aren't so sure she really wants to play a role in it.
  • Options
    suedoesuedoe member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I would talk to her about her plans because if she does pull out at the last minute what would you do? Do you have a back up plan? If it were me, I'd have a back up and tell that person that they are the back up and explain why. They may be hurt that they were not first pick but a good friend or reletive would understand. I may have to pick another MOH myself because my sister may not be able to make it to my wedding.
  • Options
    jen812jen812 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you're all right, she doesn't really want to be in the wedding anymore, but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. My feelings would be hurt, especially since we've been friends for so long but I can't take the complaining.
    PitaPata Dog tickers PitaPata Dog tickers BabyName Ticker
  • Options
    Mrs.KristenMrs.Kristen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    it sucks but you don't want to deal with the drama the day of or a few weeks before. I had a BM go out of her way to be sneaky about things when it came to my wedding and I ended up not removing her and I think in the end i regretted not removing the problem because of what I had to deal with the day before etc...it's your wedding day and you shouldn't have to be worried about her and everything else there is to worry about. You want people there who want to be there. Good luck!
  • Options
    sara76sara76 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel your pain!  I am having a BM issue too, somewhat similar.  It is a bit too personal to explain details on a public place but I just wanted to empathise and say I know how much it stinks.  This is literally the only dark shadow on an otherwise all happy positive thing in our lives and it really hurts my feelings alot (it is family).  I am however going to be ready for her with her bouquet for if she shows up, and I won't be dissappointed if she doesn't at this point.  And I have to say I agree with pp who said actions speak louder than words.  We would have to be pretty self absorbed to not be able to take the hints of  complaining, ignoring, etc...  I just wish to get over it and on with it. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Sara - you have a great attitude about it.  No doubt it is hard, but you are obviously focusing on the positive people in your life.
  • Options
    jen812jen812 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sara, you are right... good attitude... thanks.
    PitaPata Dog tickers PitaPata Dog tickers BabyName Ticker
  • Options
    sara76sara76 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow!  Going back and reading that made me tear up a little.  This wedding stuff really makes us crazy huh?  Thanks for the kind words!  Good things happen to people who see the good in things, I love that saying!  So the good in this... had my make up trial today, teared up just now, and make up still looks fabulous :-D
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards