Part #2 of my post from yesterday...

jeremy.teresa

I posted yesterday (to recap) about my MOH and bm not understanding that they couldn't bring their kids to the rehearsal and rd.  Long story short, I ended up getting an email from my sis (MOH) about an hour after I takled to her and she told me that I was rude about how I tried to explain it to her.  Fine, I'm sorry if I came across that way.  I went back and read what I wrote her, and I don't see it, but whatever.A few hours later I get an email from SIL who is my bm saying that she doesn't want to get her hair done anymore.  From the beginning, I have told everyone that I didn't mind one bit if they didn't want to do that stuff.  But she said she did, and now she doesn't.  I tried telling myself it has nothing to do w/ what happened a few hours earlier.  I'm sorry, but I have no other way to look at it but that way.  I feel like she is being a little bit of a child.  And as I expected, my mom called me last night about this whole thing.  Why?  Because I have two tattle tales that run to my mom to try and get her to sway my decision (this isn't the first time they've done this).  My mom called me none other than to tell me that I'm not thinking about their side of the situation.  Yes I am I explain.  She says she doesn't want bad blood between anyone and things being said that are hurtful.  I told her that was why I didn't respond back to the original email about the kids going.  I needed some time to cool off, I told her, and I didn't want to say something that would be taken the wrong way or make the situation worse.  I didn't even have a chance to reply when I checked my email this morning and lo and behold SIL is asking about something else, then brings up the fact that she didn't get an answer from me.  I, as politely as possible, told her that the rehearsal and rd are for adults only and that I would absolutely love it if my nephews came with us earlier that day when we get our nails done.  Later today I check my email and she tells me that she isn't going to the rehearsal dinner anymore.Uh, seriously?  I'm so hurt.  This is my SIL, my brother's wife.  Like I told my mom yesterday, there wasn't anything else that I could have said by the point this all happened that was going to make this any better between my sis and sil and I.  I really do understand their situation and at the same time b/c I don't have my own children, I don't understand apparently.  I have been watching kids (and even helped raise my bro and sis) since I was 7.  That's almost 23 years.  So I'm done with it.  I'm just really hurt b/c she is like my sister and now she is slowly backing out of things wedding related.  At this rate, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she doesn't end up being in the wedding at all.  I'm def having a few drinks tonight and maybe comforting myself w/ some dessert.  This sucks.  Off to go cry now...

rschuckman

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  I really feel for you.  I do think your Sister and SIL are acting like children.  They accepted once you asked them to be in the wedding (knowing all the terms - no kids).  They shouldn't go back on their word now.  Showing up at the rehearsal + dinner is all part of bridesdmaid duties.  What is 2 night of their lives to be without their kids (unless one is breastfeeding, I think we talked about that yesterday lol).  Ask your sisters and your mom why they agreed in the beginning to be in the wedding and now they are backing out of their duties.  The day is about you and your fiance, not about them and their kids!  (BTW, I love kids and do want them at my wedding but I'm also in the legal field and when you asked your sis and SIL, they accepted the terms!)

mandi1184

I know I will probably get skinned alive for this, but I don't get it either. I guess b/c I don't have kids.   What is the big deal about hiring a babysitter for 2 days in a row?  I think they are being ridiculous, I feel really bad for you.  They knew from the beginning (from what you've said) that this was going to be an adults only event.  Its called hire a babysitter and go have fun for one night w/o the children!!! 

Future.Mrs.Shawty

Boo on them. That's all you can say. BUT - you and I both know that you signed up for the potential drama of "no kids allowed" I'm sure we'll be dealing with it soon, too, since FI's aunt has 5 kids...... It could have gone one way or the other....unfortunately, it went the wrong way. Hugs! Eat some cheesecake!!! WITH LOTS OF WHIPPED CREAM!!!

IG.muse

I'm so sorry. I'm trying to have an adults only reception too. Kids under a certain age won't really enjoy it anyway. I wish I had some advice for you, I don't know what I'll do if a similar situation happens to me. People can be so unreasonable. I hate to tell you to bend your rules because someone threw a tantrum, but would it be very bad if you let her bring her baby/kids to the rehearsal dinner only? Are there others with kids who'd get upset that you bent the rules for her and not them?

caseyandaxle

First off I am so sorry. I do agree I am someone who feels that children who aren't in the wedding have no place at the events, children, I feel are to young, however I have the same problem you do.. Some ppl on my FI's side don't understand the concept of no kids and it has been brought up that I am being rude about it. Oh well.. my wedding my day... they had their day... On another note... the running to your Mom thing I have an Aunt that's the same age as me, I am not the kind of person that does things like run to my Mom when someone ticks me off, but my Aunt is and my Mom always says I wish you would've told me first so that I could have had your side.. ultimately it's what makes you happy, but I feel for ya! Don't stress and it will fall into place.. and if she doesn't show up she's missing out!

jarmstrong23

So, this is your SISTER and your Brother's wife? (Sister in law?)  Of all the people who should be supporting you during this stressful time, you would think it would be your FAMILY!! I'm going to go out on a limb here-- have you always been the one to "bend" when it comes to keeping the peace?  Perhaps they accepted the "terms" of the agreement originally thinking that they could get you to cave and cater to their specific needs? That would explain why it seems that they are suddenly surprised/irritated with not being able to bring their kids.   If so, that's lame and I'm sorry that you're being placed in the position of having to stick to your guns.  Call them out if you think this is the case.  Seriously, I get so aggravated b/c I'm always the one to give into others' wishes, and it's not right that you should have to do that on a day where clear expectations have already been communicated.  I'll drink another margarita for ya, girl.  Be strong-- this too, shall pass.

SusanK76

Please don't take this the wrong way. I see both sides here and I'm not sure there is a right or a wrong (other than that they didn't listen - which stinks) You have your wants and needs and they have theirs and somebody or everybody in this situation is going to get hurt. You have to make the choice - if you are set on no kids, be prepared for the possibility of them backing out of things. Honestly, is this really worth all the hurt and agrivation, and broken relationships, is the rehursal and RD really going to make or break your entire wedding? It's just one moment in time and you only get to do it once - just make sure this is what you want and that you're prepared for the fallout. I've been in this situation and it's very difficult. It's too bad when those who are closest to us can't seen to meet our expectations, but it happens. I really hope you're able to work everything out with them.

tia0314

Teresa- this really sucks! I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this and I just think it's incredibly rude of them to be bringing this up now when knowing all along that you wanted it to be adults only. I mean, havn't you been engaged forever?! lol But it's really childish of them to bring it up so close to your wedding and I don't know what to say to make it better cuz it's a tough situation. Just keep thinking that this is your and Jeremey's day and stick to your guns. They'll get over it. : : Hugs : : We'll get together for drinks soon!

jeremy.teresa

Jen - yeah, its my younger sister and my brother's wife, my sil.  From the time we have gotten engaged, my family has been, how to put it, less than thrilled about our plans/choices.  Its been something every single time we turned around.  They didn't like the places were thinking about, they don't think is right, we're not thinking about our guests, blah, blah, blah.  I am so tired of reminding everyone that this isn't their wedding; its OURS.  Since 2005, my mom, my sister, AND my brother have all gotten married.  I was in all three of their weddings.  And never once did I say anything to any of them about their decisions, etc.  It wasn't my place to.  If they asked for my opinion, which trust me never happened, I would give it to them nicely. I honestly never thought that I would be one of those brides that had to deal with this kind of stuff.  I mean, this is my MOH (sis) and BM (SIL).  Maybe I should have seen it coming, but I'm still in shock.  I keep going back and forth between being angry, hurt, upset, shocked, crying, not crying, depressed, you name it.I also have to see my SIL tomorrow, which is going to be really weird for me since I don't know what to say her now.  I can't explain how broken my heart is.  Like I said, at the rate SIL is going w/ backing out of things, I expect to not have her as a bm for much longer.  My mom, SIL, and sis are all upset w/ me b/c we are NOT changing our minds about our decisions AT ALL.Oh well.  I just needed to get it off my chest so I can deal with it a little more.  Thanks for all your guys advice and suggestions, too.  It really is a wonderful thing that I know I can come here and get the support and honesty I want when I need it.

stosha1

T: you know I luv you and I'm totally on your side. The best advice I can give you is : just let it go. You can sit and worry and make yourself sick. You can worry that you're not pleasing everyone. The reality is that no matter how much you worry and how much you ALWAYS try and bend to accomodate everyone (which I know for a fact you always do) and no matter how much you want your mom to be something or someone she isn't, You will never ever ever ever change them. You will make yourself a crazy, hot mess while you try. The best I can tell you is to let things fall. You have said your piece, now let it be. Let your mom be mean. Let your sister in law have horrible hair. In the big scheme of things, who freaking cares? Let the chips fall where they may and move on with planning this wedding. Chin-up kiddo, it's probably not going to get easier. Just try to remember this is about the beginning of your life together, it's supposed to be a happy time!

mjc468

I'm really sorry this is happening to you while your trying to plan for your big day and hope everyone around you is excited and sharing in everything. I had a similar situation but with my cousin. She rsvp'd 4 when we only invited her an her husband. There was a fall out btw our families about the whole ordeal and she didn't come to the wedding at all. And surprisingly I didn't even really care. I mean I was hurt because I was one of her BM in her wedding, years ago and she couldn't even respect my wishes and come to my wedding. It's just plain rude! It's such a double standard of my cousin and her integrity. Needless to say my cousin and her husband had to deal with my dad and they will never be invited to anything of ours ever again. Some may say it wasn't worth it. But you should know You are worth it! It's your wedding day, and like the post above it's the start of your and fi's live together and if people what to define you're wishes, so be it. Good luck and enjoy your wedding!