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February 2011 Weddings

Wedding Shower

I'm having a very small ceremony on February 5th. A few weeks later though, we're having a big party to celebrate with all of the people we couldn't afford to invite to the wedding (parents friends, friends outside of the bridal party, extended family). My maid of honor wants to throw me a wedding shower the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Is it appropriate to have a wedding shower? Is it ok for her to invite people who are just invited to the big celebration and not the actual wedding itself since there will only be 4 people at the wedding who are not participating? She thinks just before Thanksgiving would be a good time to do it because we only have a couple weekends before the wedding to do a bunch of stuff after the holidays. Let me know what you think!

Re: Wedding Shower

  • are you having a destination wedding? I'm confused why you're having the big party after (where you'll have to pay for the people) but you couldn't afford to invite them to the wedding...that would help clarify if I'd be offended or not if I was only invited to the shower.
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  • the wedding was originally 4 and a hald hours away from our hometown and now it has been cut to an hour and a half away. there are only going to be 2 "guests" at the wedding who are not our parents or in the bridal party and then we're having dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards. we wanted a nice sit down dinner, but with our budget we can only do it with a few people. but then we're going to have a large party for everyone else and lots of people have chipped in on it including several bands that wanted to play. i hope that answers ur question
  • bottom line, its not ok to invite people to a bridal shower that arent invited to the wedding. you cut people off of your guest list because it wasnt in your budget, which is totally fine. i think the party afterwards is a good idea but i think if your wedding is a small affair than your bridal shower should be one too. if your MOH wants to throw you a bridal shower than she should but you should tell her that you really only want your bridal party, her and your mom (or whoever else is at the wedding) to be invited. otherwise it just looks like you are fishing for bridal shower gifts. if people want to give you a gift even if they werent invited to the wedding than they will give it to you during your big party. i for one would feel really offended if i was invited to a bridal shower and not to the wedding. that would make me think "wow, so im important enough to share in this special moment and buy her a registry gift but apparently not important enough to witness the actual wedding!"
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  • Someone posted a similiar question on this same thread ... I think it depends on you and your family! Our wedding will only consist of the two of us, but my family and friends are elated to come to a shower to celebrate with us!!! People tend to focus on "if I buy a gift, I should be invited to the wedding" but there are several people who just want to celebrate with you. My cousin offered to throw the shower and I have told pp that I am looking for gifts; I have actually asked that they not buy anything. BUT our friends have still offered to buy gifts and celebrate in any way they can. Bottom line, do what fits your family and friend style. Some people may be offended, but
    based on my experience there are several who inderstand your situation/desire and wil not be. Good luck and congratulations!!!! BTW, another family member has even offered to throw the post wedding party ...
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  • We are getting married in Feb and doing it at city hall as neither one of us is religious. but we are having a reception afterwards. That being said my mom and sisters are throwing me a small shower just to have ppl celebrate. While gifts are nice they are not necessary and we are doing this in leu of a bacheroltte party also. I am looking at it as a time for both family and friends to just get together and mingle before all the craziness starts.

    Best piece of advise I have received: Dont worry about the haters bc they complain no matter what. Just worry about what makes you and your future hubby happy..

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