Invitation?

mrs.smith-rindler

So, I ordered my invitations already (a little early) but I am wanting to get a head start on things. I have a few questions about other items going into the envelope with the invitation.So far,  I am putting a sheet in there for directions to the hotel and venue and the rsvp card. The last two things I am a little confused on how I should incorporate it. I didn't want to put this directly on our invitation but we are having an adult only wedding. Should I just put ANOTHER little card in there that states that, or put it on the direction sheet. I am also wondering about registry information, do I just put a card in there with that as well or could I just put a piece of paper with our website on it where I plan to have our registries listed as well?? I'm torn.
TIA!!

Audge.Podge

It's not proper to put registry information in with your invitations.  Registry information should only be provided with your shower invitations (since the purpose of a shower is to shower you with gifts).  I would put your wedding website information on the sheet with hotel info and leave it at that.

As for your wedding being adults only, again, it is not proper to explicity exclude anyone on your invitation.  So address your invitations with the specific individuals who are invited (rather than inviting "The Smith Family").  Most people understand that only the individuals listed on the invitation are invited, but it never fails that some people do not understand this.  So if someone RSVPs with their children, you will have to call them and let them know that you're sorry, but you can't accomodate their children at the wedding.

prokadima

This may not be proper etiquette but here is what I did: 

1.  When I sent out my save-the-dates, I included a note that said "check out our wedding website and sign our guestbook" and I included the link to our wedding website with The Knot.  Of course, one of the tabs on our website did have registry info.
2.  I sent out my invitations a bit last minute and I did not yet have all the hotel blocks set up, so, on the bottom of the reception card I had printed "Accomodation info and directions are available on our website".  Then I proceeded to list the links for our 2 websites. 

The registry info was on both websites for people to look at if they wanted, but I did not specifically mention it with the invitation.

Carrie

abby.eling

I know it's not proper, but the last few weddings I have received invitations too did have a little registry card like you were saying.  The one I still have says "The happy couple is registered at: (and then listed below the 3 places)"  And under that it says "Let's help them start out there life together!"

As for the Adult Only part.  It should be clear when you address them.  If you don't want kids it could be along the lines of Mr. & Mrs. Smith or Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Smith.  I have also seen it on the RSVP card where it says "We have __ seats reserved for you"  and you can fill in the number for the corresponding # you are anticipating.
Hope that helps!

IG.muse

We didn't put registry info in the invite but we did put it on our website and from tracking page views we know that the registries page is by far the most visited page on our site, followed by our pictures. We don't know how many of our guests are going to buy from our registry, of course, or how many of the invitees have visited our site (we just know total visits, the unique visits stats don't seem very reliable) but the amount of clicking on our registries is encouraging. I didn't feel right about including registry info in the invite and I debated a long time about whether to put it on the website, feeling awkward about asking for gifts. But I think our guests appreciate the info being available on the site.

I had a pocket fold for our invite and I made a trifold with map, directions, and hotel info to put into the pocket. I put our website address on that sheet.

hrparker

(a) Never, ever, ever put registry info on a wedding invitation.  You're free to put registry info on your website, however, so if you have one of those, just place a small slip of paper with your website address on it in your invitation envelope if you don't have it on another card already.  Like IG, my invitation was a pocketfold, and I had four inserts - I placed the website info at the bottom of our accommodations insert.

(b) Writing "adults only" anywhere is also a big no-no.  This is why the way you word your addresses on your evenlopes matters.  The ONLY people who are invited to your wedding are the people who's names are listed on your envelopes.  If you're worried that some of your guests might not understand this long-standing rule, then you can take a PP's advice on have the "X seats have been reserved in your honor" language at the bottom of your RSVP.  If they don't take the hint (most people do, but occasionally you'll find some stubborn ones), be prepared to call and explain to them that little Johnny and Katie aren't invited, but that you'll still love to see mom and dad.

gl

amanda6033

 I addressed my invites to the people only that I wanted to come. And since im doing my RSVP's online, on the map section I put " Here are some directions to help you find your way to our Adults Only reception"  hope that helps

Zim345

I have to say that I think you have to know your audience. For example, I am one of 54 grandchildren on my dad's side so we have weddings like 3 or 4 times a year. Most of my guests on that sideof the family are older and many have no internet access. I have heard so many complaints about them getting wedding invites without registry information b/c they are OLD and that is what they EXPECT. For me it was more about the convenience of the guests then the etiquette rules. What I did was have business cards done on Vista Print. They have a cute wedding clip art pic and then they say "Michael and Tara are registered at Target, Kohls, and Bed, Bath and Beyond." I am having another set of business cards printed with the wedding website info on it. I am putting the registry cards in the people's invities I know will want this information (aka my aunts) and the other website card in the rest of the invites.

mrs.smith-rindler

Thanks everyone for all of the advice! I will have to probably go along with the convenience of my audience because a lot of them are old too.

hrparker

Just jumping back in to say that this isn't really generationally based.  If anything, older individuals are MORE likely to adhere to etiquette, and etiquette states that you do not put registry information inside of an invitation - putting that info in your invitation indicates that you're asking for gifts, which is a big no-no.

Using personal websites to spread registry info is a relatively new phenomenon, so it's by no means necessary.  If your guests don't have access to the internet, they'll do what they've done for the last hundred years - they'll ask your family (or your FI's family) where you're registered, or they'll check the major registry stores in your are (generally Macy's, Bed Bath & Beyond, Crate and Barrel, William Sonoma, and in some circles Target and/or Wal-mart) to see if you're listed.  That's the etiquettely-accepted way for informing guests where you are registered - word of mouth.

And to add my own anectdote, almost all of the guests from H's side were retirement-age, and had we put registry info anywhere in our invites, we would have been the talk of their circles - and NOT in a good way.

mschneid02

Also, the other way to "share" registry information is through the moms/bridal party.  People generally call or ask the mother of the bride or the maid of honor where the couple is registered.  We will put the info on our website (um, when we actually start registering!) but I'm sure that my older aunts and uncles will just call my mom to ask.

sparkleas1

Oops...I put registry info on my accommodation/direction cards.. I had seen it on several invitations I received, so didn't know otherwise. We don't have a wedding Web site and are having non-traditional showers, so I don't know how else I would have communicated it. Regardless, I've received rave responses about the invites, so it doesn't seem like it was a huge deal...no regrets! 

HyperChicaPR

This debate is so silly. If you want to put the registry information on there, do it! Most families aren't going to be so stuck on etiquette that they put you down for including it. If your family is extremely formal, consider leaving it off. But every invitation I have received has included registry and we plan to put it on there. I think it depends on the people you are sending the invites to. It sounds like hrparker's family is very formal and wouldn't accept this, but most people are fine with it these days.

hrparker

Hurray for being singled out, I guess?

To clarify:

No, my family isn't formal in the least, and probably wouldn't have minded.  In fact, I'm sure they wouldn't have minded, because my mother seemed a bit shocked when I told her that we weren't doing it.  I didn't want to put them in because it's etiquettely incorrect, and I didn't want to seem gift grabby.  Most of H's friends and family probably would have sniggered if we'd put the info in because they pay more attention to etiquette than my family does.  Registry info in invites for events other than showers, i.e. events where the sole purpose of the event is to give gifts, just leave a bad taste in my mouth.  For me, it's almost like it says, "Yay!  I'm getting married, and you're invited!  Oh, and btw, since you have to buy me a gift b/c I'm getting married, here's the list of pre-approved stores from which to buy me stuff." 

All that being said, if you're going to put the info in, you're going to put the info in and I doubt anything a stranger on the interwebz tells you is going to sway your mind.  If you want to follow etiquette, don't put it in.  If you don't mind ignoring etiquette on this particular issue and want to put it in, put it in.

::shrug::

I'm not telling people what they HAVE to do - just what etiquette says they SHOULD do.