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Ohio-Cincinnati

Maid of Honor problems :(

I'm not sure what I should do. I debated between 2 different girls for my MOH, and ended up picking the one that I've been friends with longer. I am now starting to regret my decision. My MOH has a very "strong" personality, and I am the opposite. I have never been good at standing up for myself because honestly, girls with such strong personalities intimidate me sometimes! I just don't like starting fights, so I feel like it's better to just take it rather than arguing about things, but I can't deny that the things she has been saying are hurting my feelings. Please let me know if I'm overreacting, or if you have any advice on what I should do.

First, she asked me how much my parents were giving me for the wedding. I was caught off guard with this question, but I told her anyway. The amount is definitely not small, but my MOH replied... "Is that even going to be enough?!!" She went on to ask me my budget for other specifics such as flowers, invitations... and when I said around $300 for invitations she said I won't ever be able to do that. This made me second guess everything that I had budgeted so far.

Second, I found b-maids dresses that everyone loved. I sent my MOH an email with a link to the dress and she also loved it, but her first question was, how much do these cost? (which is a reasonable question) I told her $200, and she wrote back with a long email saying that between the dress, bachelorette party and wedding gift that she might be paying around $400. She said... "is that not too much to be spending?"  We are fresh out of college but she already has a very nice job. It just put me in a weird position because I don't want to force anyone to spend their money. Also, I don't understand how she can make a big deal about my parents not giving me enough money but complain about spending $400 on her best friend's wedding.

Finally, I think she tried to make me feel bad about the place I picked for our reception. We are having it at the Madison. She said that a co-worker that she recently met got married at the Madison last year, and she "picked her brain" about it. Then she said... "well, I probably shouldn't tell you what the girl told me about the Madison...." Of course she ended up telling me because I think that was her plan all along. She said "The girl told me that the food was just 'ehhh', the alcohol was 'ehhh... not strong enough', and even though the staff was great, she definitely would have picked a different reception hall if she had more money. But you probably don't care that much if people like the food".  I told her that's the first I heard about anyone not liking the Madison, and that was all I could come up with to say at that time. But I'm still upset about it! At first, I honestly thought she was joking because the way she said it sounded so mean... but apparently she was being serious. 

Sorry that this is so long... I really feel like I should talk to her, but I don't know if I should because I don't want to start anything. Any advice would be great!

Re: Maid of Honor problems :(

  • edited December 2011
    1--don't share your money/budget with anyone. and really, keep her out of the planning all together. it's your wedding. the only opinions that matter is yours, your fiance's and your parents (if they are paying). be vague, say you're not sure about X, or you haven't really decided yet, and switch the subject to something non-wedding.

    2--ask everyone individually what their budget is for the dress. can you offer to pay for half of her dres?? you don't have to, but if it's such an issue and you don't want to make changes you should offer to help out.
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  • edited December 2011
    wait a minute--is your wedding really in 2012? you're picking dresses a bit early. (though you can't do anything about it now, you really shouldn't have picked your maids so early. it helps avoids problems like this)
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  • futuremrs323futuremrs323 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oops, no the wedding is 7/23/2011... I must have picked the wrong date when I registered, I'll have to change that.
  • JMWiesMomJMWiesMom member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Your MOH doesn't seem very supportive or mature.  From what your saying she sounds immature about the whole situation and critical about your decisions.  I would agree that leaving her out of a lot of the planning would be important.  You don't need someone questioning your choices.  Is there someone else in your wedding party that you can lean on?  Just because she is your MOH doesn't mean she has to be involved in that much.  I would find someone in your wedding party who will support your decisions but be honest with you when you need it.  Hopefully someone will be able to fill that role.

    My MOH, my sister, is out of town so one of my BM and a best friend is really helping to fill that role. My sister is a great MOH but younger and not around as much. My BM is taking a lot of the pressure off my sister and me and I'm really thankful to have her support.   
  • edited December 2011
    Sounds like you might have to speak up for yourself- in a nice way, of course.  I agree about not talking about $$$ with her, especially when it has nothing to do with her.  Pick the dresses YOU like!  This is a time for her to be supportive of you, not stress you out.  Take a deep breath, speak your mind then hug it out.  :)
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_maid-of-honor-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:b9ba3c01-07b7-4d4d-a2ab-3fa64acf9926Post:63ce10f5-915a-4c73-9182-331348c554fc">Re: Maid of Honor problems :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oops, no the wedding is 7/23/2011... I must have picked the wrong date when I registered, I'll have to change that.
    Posted by futuremrs323[/QUOTE]
    ok, nevermind your timing is good <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />
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  • cyndoncyndon member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Bottom line this is your wedding and you do what you want and anyone who has anything negative to say about it needs to be put in their place.  Your MOH should be your strongest support and not constantly questioning you.  My MOH is currently out of work and has two young children and not once has she complained about money she would need to spend on my wedding or do said anything negative, she has only supported me.  That is what your bridal party is for, period!  Also, speaking as a Madison bride (ceremony and reception 6/25/11)  I have been to many receptions there and the food, service, drinks everything were wonderful.  Don't let that negative Ninny sway you or tell you what you can or cannot do.  This is your day!
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  • edited December 2011
    It is your day, so don't let a pushy friend take away all the magic (and sometimes hair pulling) planning moments. $200 is NOT bad for a bridesmaid dress and who cares the amount if she is your best friend. I would be a hooker for a day if I didnt have the money for a dress for my best friends wedding...its that important!! (ok maybe not hooker...blood donation or something...lol)

    Food at a reception venue changes soooo much and maybe they had an off night. Madison is a great place, and who knows what the other girls menu was. Maybe she picked BLAH so it tasted BLAH :-)

    I would tell her that you appreciate her imput and that you have worked very hard to plan your day your way and would like it very much if she as your best friend and MOH would support your decisions...just as you would if you were hers. Hopefully that will help her evaluate how she has been talking to you about your day.


    Good luck!
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