Honeymoon Discussions

Is this wrong?

Our wedding is on Nov. 21st of this year. We had a very generous friend of the family give us his mountain cabin for our honeymoon week, free of charge. We are super excited to go, because we love it there. We would be leaving Sunday morning, and returning either Wednesday night or Thursday morning, because FI wants to be home for Thanksgiving dinner, and his mom has kind of made a big deal about it. I am secretly hoping we get snowed in and can't make it home. I just feel like, 1. we just got married and this is the only honeymoon we will get, and 2. what is so important about one dinner? Missing it one time? We spend alot of time with them already, and I really love them and couldn't ask for better inlaws, but geez. Can't we have this once in a lifetime thing, and miss Thanksgiving? I think it's because me and FI are the only reason FMIL cooks, because FSIL and her family travel to visit her husband's family for the holiday every year. It's not like they don't have other family to celebrate the holiday with, FFIL is one of 7, and FMIL is one of 5. If I am being selfish, please feel free to say so, but I really don't want to rush home from my honeymoon. I kind of feel like this one-time event out weighs a turkey

Re: Is this wrong?

  • If you're close to them & see them often I dont think youre being selfish at all. You're right to want to spend that time with your new husband. Could they postpone the meal until after the honeymoon? That way everyone would be happy.
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  • Def don't think you are wrong or being selfish. IMO, FMIL is being selfish by wanting you to cut your honeymoon short. It is a once in a lifetime thing.
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  • FWIW, I don't fall into the camp of people that thinks the honeymoon is a big deal. But that's probably because my husband and I travelled tons together before we got married and have tons of trips planned together now too. Merely a mindset. I think it's hard for parents to be without their kids (even if they are grown up) - especially on the holidays. I would perhaps ask if you could come to a compromise - perhaps they could arrange to have the dinner on the weekend instead of on the Thursday, then you guys could leave Friday instead.
  • did he make this decision without you, or did you talk about it first?If you talked about it first  you could have said NO!!!If he decided on his own, you have bigger issues!
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  • 1. Talk to you FI about what he wants to do. If he really wants to be there then you need to take that into account. If he it ok with asking his mom to have the meal later that weekend fine - but have him ask, not you. 2. Not to be mean, but you did pick your wedding date right before a holiday, did you not discuss this and your HM before now?3. You marry to create a family, and become part of a larger family, in the interest of this... you may need to have a shorter HM. You unhappy for a short period of time vs. IL's upset for a long time, and you would hear about it next yr, or next holiday that you have a conflict with.
  • because FI wants to be home for Thanksgiving dinner, and his mom has kind of made a big deal about it.I guess the question is does FI really want to be home for Thanksgiving because he actually likes Thanksgiving?  Or does he want to be home for his mom?If it is ONLY for mom's sake.  You have bigger issues.  To some people Thanksgiving is not just dinner.  It's all about everything that goes along with the day.  Football, turkey dinner, seeing family, playing games, laughing, etc.  If your FI truly likes Thanksgiving then you might have to find a compromise.






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  • Thanks girls for the input. He does want to be there, but not as much as he wants to have that week away, just us. He is torn between the two, because he doesn't want to upset her. She cooks the full meal for 4 people. It isn't a huge gathering. There are family members in town that they are welcome to celebrate with, and they have in the past. When we chose the date, we had either the 21st, or the 28th available for our reception hall. It was HER idea to go with the 21st, because we both have alot of OOT guests, who may or may not still be away for their own Thanksgiving celebrations if we had done it on the 28th. So it isn't a new thing. To know her is to understand that she is a bit of a drama queen, and this is her way of creating an issue where there isn't one, to revert the attention to her, with her "whoa is me, my boy isn't here, I guess I'll skip Thanksgiving". I understand that it might be hard for her, since FI is her youngest (of 2). But I also think, yes her "little boy is an adult now" and it may be hard, but she is an adult also, and knows that this is an important milestone in his life that doesn't have anything to do with her, and she might just have to deal with it in a a mature way. I am having a hard time with why it is all of a sudden an issue, when it wasn't before. I like the idea of waiting until Saturday, I'll talk to FI and see what he thinks. That's been the standard in my family for 20yrs because it is just plain more convenient for everyone to travel on a weekend than on Thursday. I don't think it will be a problem to wait to celebrate two days later, just this once :)
  • I defninitely think trying to see if she'll push back the Thanksgiving dinner until Saturday is a great idea. How you're feeling is not wrong at all. You definitely deserve to be on your HM and expect to have some alone time after the wedding. You shouldn't have to cut that short over a meal that could be pushed back a day or two. And like you said, "He's an adult now" and therefore can make his own decisions. Your FMIL is going to have to understand that he can't be there for every holiday especially now that he's getting married you guys will have to be able to rotate who's family you spend time with on major holidays. HTH! :0)
  • We're also getting married 11/21 and will be missing Thanksgiving for our honeymoon.  When we decided on the date, we discussed if this would be an issue for our families, should we delay HM, etc.  We ultimately decided that we wanted the time, immediately after the HM, for ourselves.  We let our families know that we would not be around for Thanksgiving.  I think FI's grandparents were a little disappointed but not at all surprised.  We told both sides that we would be spending quality time around the wedding with them (thurs/fri before and sunday after since we're not leaving for HM till Monday) which actually would be more time than we typically spend over the holiday anyway.  I think the key is that you and your FI need to be on the same page and present a united front to his family, whatever you decide to do. 
  • You said 'because FI wants to be home for Thanksgiving dinner, and his mom has kind of made a big deal about it"I dont think you have a MIL issue. I think you have a FI issue. you need to learn to compromise. one of you has to give. either he gives and you get what you want or you give and he gets what he wants.It's not for me to say which is more important-so I won't say if it's wrong or not-you have to work it out yourselves.

     

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