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August 2011 Weddings

calm me down, tell me I'm being a brat...

You all remember that bridesmaid who's been a pain in the butt I vented about the other day? She irritated me this morning and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.

We're all going next week (the 2nd) for my first dress shopping trip. She was invited along with my MOH and two other friends of mine. In passing conversation today (via text messaging) she has informed me that she has already invited her little sister and niece (17 and 12, respectively) to come along with us so that the three of them can look at bridesmaid dresses for HER reception!

I'm kinda pissed off. This is MY day. I know that sounds so childish, but it's my first time ever trying on dresses. She can make an appointment of her own any other day, can't I have one or two hours to be special just for me? She hasn't even set the date for her supposed reception yet, so why does she have to do this now? And why does she even need BM dresses for just a reception anyway? (Remember, she's already married).

Plus, it's not like it's a convienience thing since none of my friends are in her bridal party - in fact, none of my friends are even her FRIENDS. So it's almost like she's subjecting me and the other 3 women to look at BM dresses for her wedding when they don't even really care.

Plus, I'm taking the girls out to lunch and drinks after my appointment - so now there's 2 extra people - and KIDS at that?!?!

HOWEVER, I know I'm being a baby and that I am not the only bride in the state and that she has every right to try on whatever she wants. But I can't help but feel like she's only trying to take some of the spotlight off of me.

Am I being a brat?

Re: calm me down, tell me I'm being a brat...

  • In my opinion, you aren't quite in the realm of brattiness. You are more on the cusp, trying to decide if you are going to switch into brat status. 

    To me being a brat is when you are so unreasonable and no one knows why you are being that way. I don't think you have gone that way yet.

    I would say that if she is bringing more people
    a- she needs to drive herself
    b- she and the kiddos are not invited to the after party

    Just say to her "I really wanted to spend some time with the ladies, and I don't think it would be appropriate to have children while we go to drinks."

    This way you look like the adult, thinking about the children, while also getting your way.Laughing

    Good Luck!
  • I'd be pissed off, too. Try having a heart-to-heart with your friend about this and tell her that the day was originally just going to be for YOUR wedding, with the girls in YOUR wedding party. If she's a good friend, she will understand.
  • prncszprncsz member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    All I can say is wow she really has a lot of nerve. There are just something you don't do and this is one of them. Why hasn't she done this bridesmaid dress thing before now, why is it now so important that she go when you decide to go. I would just take her out of the wedding because it looks like she is just determined to turn your day into her some kind of way.
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  • lcoreylcorey member
    100 Comments
    I know it goes against all good manners but I would tell her that this is YOUR wedding and not hers. If she would like to look for BM dresses to do it on her own time. If she pulls anything like that again, that's strike three and she will no longer be in your wedding. It doesn't sound like you are close to her at all and are inviting her to be your BM to be nice. Your other BMs and your MOH will probably breathe a sigh of relief and start planning things they couldn't with her around.
  • Nope you aren't being a brat at all, especially after what you said in the previous post.
    I would let her know that she is more than welcome to come and do the wedding dress stuff, but you understand if she needs to use the day go and look at BMs dresses with her sister and niece.
    August 2011: E-Pic! Photobucket
    229 image Invited to celebrate!
    191 image Remembered to RSVP!
    26 image Can't make it
    7 image Got lost on the way to the mailbox

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  • This shopping trip is about your wedding. She should make a separate trip to do shopping for her wedding. Plus dragging along her sister and niece is an inconvenience and I think that she'll be busy w/them instead of helping you out.

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  • I agree with all PPs. It is just so absurd that someone would do something like that. People never fail to shock me with their bizarre behaviors.
  • Thanks ladies! I wrote that right after I got her text, so I was pretty bratty!! Thanks for calming me down.

    I know this friend well enough to know that the heart-to-heart about "this is my day" will not go over well - it'd end in tears and yelling and foot-stomping about her wanting her day too and "we should share this since we're gonna be brides at the same time!"

    So I think I'm just gonna casually mention "If you're still planning on bringing the kids, I can't fit everyone in my car, so you'll have to meet us there." Maybe the inconvienience will make her change her mind.

    I have no idea how to bring up that we'd rather her not bring the kids to lunch? Maybe I can just say something like "you guys will probably be hungry for lunch by the time you're done, so there's some family-friendly places and a couple of fast-food places nearby so I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding somewhere to bring them on the way home." If she says something like "But I thought you were buying everyone lunch?" I'll just say something like "we're going to an adult restaurant/bar and it wouldn't be appropriate for them to join us."
  • I would explain what you said regarding the lunch as well as mention the fact that you certainly had not budgeted for two extra people and simply cannot accomodate. Good luck with this and let us know how it ends up going! Hopefully it goes smooth regardless and you have a enjoyable experience!
  • I agree with mrussell, make it very clear that the lunch is only for the BMs.
    August 2011: E-Pic! Photobucket
    229 image Invited to celebrate!
    191 image Remembered to RSVP!
    26 image Can't make it
    7 image Got lost on the way to the mailbox

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • girl. I told you to get rid of that chick a billion years ago. thats it. I am coming down this summer and settling scores. She just bothers me! 
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