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August 2011 Weddings

His family not happy about a DW :(

I need some advice ... or maybe just to vent.

His parents and sister are NOT happy about a DW. I hate that they're unhappy. FI hates that they're unhappy. My heart is breaking that FI is unhappy. This is supposed to be the fun time!

What do I do? I can't spend what the original venue wanted. Plus, I've cancelled anyway ... and told them where to go and how to get there .....

Looks like I have 2 options:

1.) Do the DW anyway and deal with backlash
2.) Cut the guest list down and do something smaller here.

1.) Is not the most attractive option to me, for obvious reasons. However, 2.) requires me to start all over completely from scratch. I might even have to choose another date. But would it be worth it to spend less and have everyone happier?

I'm sure you guys can give me brutal honesty!! But be nice, I'm pretty frazzled!!

Re: His family not happy about a DW :(

  • Maybe they're just concerned about the cost for them to go?

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  • Oh no!  I know you were so excited about the DW.  If it is really what you want your FILs need to understand that.  They may be concerned about the cost of the trip for themselves and that is why they are unhappy about it.  I know Las Vegas would be really awesome but maybe you could scale down the DW and do it in Atlantic City so that no one would need to fly.  You still get the casinos but even better there is the beach too! 
  • It sounds like it's a combination of both
    a.) disliking the idea of missing out on a "wedding-y" wedding
    and b.) traveling.

    I think our only real option at this point is to plan something smaller here. Which is fine - it just means starting all over again.
  • Aw... I'm so sorry the FILs aren't on board with things. Just when everything was looking up. If you're not set on an actual destiniation, then I would just plan a smaller wedding closer to home. If that's what you'd want, of course. You and your FI being happy with your wedding is the most important.
  • I agree with the ladies above - figure out WHY they're worried (and it seems like you've done this already!), and then go from there. But most most most most of all: make sure you and your fiance are happy with the decision! You don't want to look back on your wedding day with anything but blissful happy feelings!
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  • Looks like they have it handled above...  ^^^^^^ figure out why and fix it... I know you were happy about the DW so try and work it out...   :(
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  • I don't recall how many people you originally had in your guest list. But speaking as a *ahem* more mature bride, here's my take on it: Family and close friends are important to you for your entire life, whether you know it at a young age or not. There is nothing wrong with a DW at all, but if his whole family is a bit upset about it, re-think a local wedding, with a lot less cost. Cut the guest list and find a cheaper venue or other venue options.

    August is fine for outdoor weddings, with tents, and you find your own caterer. I know ballrooms and banquet halls are easy, and shopping around for locations separate from caterers is hard.........I know because I"m doing it. I also know you live in an area where wedding costs are high. But if you think outside the box, you may be able to find something. Check your local boards for ideas.

    I'm going with one of two caterers (we still have to have tastings): both do catering affiliated with gourmet food stores in "upper crust" suburbs. Because catering weddings is not their only source of income, I know they can get to my price with negotiations and some changes...... they are both in my ballpark of under $20 per person (not including staff or rentals). Because they bring in specialty gourmet foods from all over the world anyway, for their businesses outside of catering, they have better prices. They sell greens, blue cheese, chicken, beef, veggies, bread, so I don't have to worry about them gouging me for money.

    Do some research, ask some questions on the Boston area board. Ask for vendor help. My local board has been a God send for help with vendors.

    Good luck.
  • Maybe you can have a smaller reception for family at home.  Thats what my sis did, her and her husband got married at a 'parents only' type situation, and then had small family receptions in each home town.  Everyone was happy and it worked out pretty well (and was not nearly as costly).  Maybe they are just worried about their financial situations with work and traveling, so maybe having a 'sendoff, or welcoming back' reception, luncheon, bbq; would be the compromise everyone is looking for?
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  • Thanks for all the advice guys. I honestly appreciate it.

    But I have to lean towards Sue's advice .... this is his family, not some complaining girlfriend. So we but the guest list waaay down to like 60-70 and are looking for smaller inns and restaurants here.

    As long as I can spend less, everyone will be happy!
  • I know it must be tough to start over again, but if his family is unhappy, your FI will be unhappy.  This is a moment to share with the people who matter most to you.  If he isn't close to his family, then go to Vegas, but if this could be a potential sore spot for the long term ask yourself is it really worth it?  There are many options out there that can be cost effective.  Since your are in Boston, have you thought about something small on the beach at say Martha's Vineyard or Cape Cod. Parks and Beaches and general can provide a beautiful backdrop without the high costs.  It still feels like you went somehere but may not have to cost a fortune.  Good luck, your fellow August brides are pulling for you.
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