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August 2011 Weddings


I've decided to delete my post because there are so many variables and things to take into consideration that there is no one right or wrong way of handling it. Since my Mom is the one who has to handle the situation, I will let her deal with it as she sees fit. Thanks for the feedback though!

BabyFetus Ticker

Re: Shower

  • The first thing that sticks out about your story is what your mother has to do with this at all?

    Personally, I think the MOH didn't handle this well. Ideally, she should have spoken with each BM first and decided how finances were going to work and what everyone could contribute. Then gone from there with making potential plans.

    I guess it's a little late, but it could just be that the MOH just didn't know better, or it could be a cultural/family tradition for a big shower? Did she realize that you're also getting married and have your money tied up for that? I don't think it's fair for her to pick a place and then say "everyone has to contribute X" or even an equal piece of the pie. Not everyone is financially equal.

    You need to be flat-out honest. Say "This is embarassing for me, I feel like a party-pooper, and love (friend) but cannot afford to contribute $400." Then go on to tell her what you CAN contribute. Maybe you can contribute $X instead. Or maybe you can take care of all the favors and make the invites. Or maybe you offer your home for the shower and then everyone could split the cost of food.

    Either way, honesty is what's required here. Not resentment.

    And for the record, don't hold it against your friend. It's likely she doesn't even know what's being planned!
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