where to begin???

cmmosley81

Ok so here is where I am having a hard time. Do I  register for gifts even tho A) I am living with my groom and we are kinda already married( we had a commitment cermony to be domesitc partners like 5 yrs ago and I changed my name). Also should I have a rehearsal dinner? I am only havig the big wedding because I want to wear the white dress and all that goes with it.

blipsettpr

Are you going to have a bridal shower? If so then you should definitely register. Maybe register for something outside the box other than house stuff if that is already covered. Make it your own!

cmmosley81

I wasnt going to I didnt know if it was right to do. We say we are married now so  I think it is kinda wierd to some people

jennylove810

If you are already married, you can not have a wedding unless a divorce or an annulment takes place somewhere in between.

My honest opinion is that since you have been telling people for the last 5 years that you're married, you already live together, and you already took his name, it would be in poor taste to register or have a shower.  I would not do either of these things.

skarupak

When you say "kind of already married" do you mean you are legally married? Did your commitment ceremony involve a legal marriage? Did family/friends attend this commitment ceremony? It seems they are at least aware that it took place.

General consensus on these boards is that it is in poor taste to have what in essence is two weddings. If your commitment ceremony involved a legal marriage, you are already married. Your groom is your husband. For whatever reason, you opted to forego the "white dress" big wedding five years ago in order to get married when you wanted to.THAT was your wedding.  So I would, going forward, call what you are planning a "vow renewal". I don't see anything wrong with having a pretty white dress, inviting friends, having a party, etc. I'm not sure you'd really need a bridal party for a vow renewal, so no rehearsal or rehearsal dinner would be necessary. I also would not register. I think guests would be aware enough that they are attending a vow renewal and that gifts are not required or expected. Some still might give, but I wouldn't set anything up as though you are expecting gifts.

Megs7622

I agree, if you are legally married already and have been acting married I would have a "Vow Renewal Ceremony"

wrdgirl

Gift registry is not necessary.  Sounds like you just want to have the wedding reception that you never had and is asking this question because "traditionally" a wedding comes with a gift registry.  And you also mentioned that you don't think having a bridal shower is "right" because you already declared to everyone you are married.

And I think your concern is valid.  Personally I think creating a gift registry after you have announced that you are married for 5 years sounds more like "asking for gifts".  If guests going to this wedding reception you never had wants to give you something then that's a whole different issue and you still don't need a gift registry for that.

Just a side note, if no one knew you are legally married and never witnessed this I think the situation will be different. 

JessiC21

Domestic Partnership, while having all of the benefits of a legal marriage is not a legal marriage. It means that they can insure each other as "family" and claim each other on taxes, and get the benefit there. It is adopted in most states to prevent specific marriages.

It is wonderful that you changed your name after the commitment ceremony and that you now want to take your domestic partnership into the world of marriage.

There is a significant difference between a domestic partnership and a marriage, and so, yes, you should have a big wedding and do the "white dress" thing and make it all legal and beautiful.

As for registering, I would forgo that part. People may view it as a little awkward since you do tell them you are already married.

Good luck to you!

cmmosley81

thank you all I know that it is a hard topic. No we didnt declare our selfs husband and wife we just stated we would take care of each other for ever. The reason I changed my name is we have 2 kids and I wanted to have the same last name as my kids. I dont want to offend anyone and I thought who better to ask if ey think it is rude the future brides. So because everyone says we are married now do I call it a vow renewal? I have no problem calling it that and just putting somewhere it is the big wedding we never shared with everyone. When we had our ceremony we had 6 people there and  our parents werent there. Do I still have my dad walk me down the aisle?

banana468

So you two had a ceremony with what - a JP?  I guess the confusion is are you legally married?  If you were able to change your name I think the answer is yes but can you elaborate on exactly what paperwork  you filled out?

If you had a JP wedding where you are now legally married then I'd call it a vow renewal - it simply isn't the big wedding that you never had if you're already married.  It sort of sounds like "I regret what we did 5 years ago and now I want a do over."

cmmosley81

We had  JP who did a cereomony stating we will be there for each other forever. No we are not leaglly married. I changed my name with the court. I put in for a name change. As I said simply so my children and I have the same last name. 

banana468

OK - so you're not actually married?  Wow this is confusing!

But if you're not actually married, I don't see why you can't have the wedding.  This is just a very "new" situation!

kls114

Yes, if you are not married then there is no reason you cannot have the wedding you are talking about.