October 2011 Weddings
Resentment is growing...Am I wrong? (very long)
A little back ground. My brother and my 2 nephews have lived with us for over a year, a few months before our wedding my niece moved in. My brother lost his job then his house burned down, which is why they are with us. At first I let him have his space and tried my best to give him free reign to recover from the cosmos running him over. It took him a year to find a job....ok, I let that slide, he just recently got his GED and doesn't exactly have any concrete skills to fall back on. The thing that pissed me off was that when he finally got off the couch and applied to more then 1 place a week he got a phone call and by the end of that week he got a job. Its with a temp service but they are looking to hire full time. At first he worked days so my H and I tried our best to create a better schedule for the kids. My H dropped them off and I picked them up, they did their homework and 20 minutes of reading, then went outside to play, ate dinner had a small amount of video game time then went to bed. This went on while we were both working full time and planning the wedding. I was also helping one of my MOHs do things for her wedding in April of next year. A month or so before the wedding he got switched to the night shift which allowed him to take the kids to school and pick them up. This was great, my H and I worked more to save up more money for the wedding and I was able to finish my planning.
Of course this caused the kids schedule to die. He didn't make them read or go outside and he barely looked over their homework. I understand I may have been a little too intense about their homework and reading but I'm a teacher and I know their potential so there's no excuse for them to hand in crappy work when I know if they took their time they could get an A instead of a C. My brother on the other hand could care less about school. He dropped out his senior year and still sees the school system as what failed him. Granted kids in the 80s were scooted by but he is the dumb*ss who decided to have unprotected sex with his girlfriend and drop out 6 months before graduation to try and be a "man." My parents were willing to do whatever they could to make him finish school (they could have been more supportive of his girlfriend but they blamed her and not him for the baby, which happens) but he still decided to quit and has been struggling ever since.
My nephews came home with bad progress report grades and all he did was "ground" them for a week. His version of grounding is no video games or tv but they can go outside to play and to the skating arena with their school and 3 days into it they end up watching tv and doing whatever anyways! And every time I step in to correct them when he is around he either tells me to stop or makes a smarta** comment that completely belittles my attempt. For example, my nephew took my nieces hat as a joke, she got made so he apologised and put it back on her head, then told her to ease up because he was only playing around. As he walked away she got up and tripped him then kicked him. I told her to stop and told her that was extremely uncalled for. She then told me that he took her hat and was being mean, I told her she was lying to me because I watched what happened, he was joking with her just like she did with him earlier in the day and even if he was being mean that did not give her the right to trip or kick him and I told her to go to her room. My brother made an angry cat noise from the kitchen, which of course made the kids laugh and he told them to go outside, I told my niece she was going to her room and my brother told me I was over reacting. Of course the kids ran outside and my niece proceeded to laugh and say, "all I did was kick you" to my nephew as she walked out the door...I lost it! I told him he was an a**hole and his childish noises and utter disregard for my punishments make them not respect my authority. He then told me that they are his kids and he will punish them, so I told him that would be fine if I didn't have to be their "parent" 50% of the time while hes gone. He then told me I didnt have to raise his kids and I pointed out that if I didnt who would because no one else is in the house. He then put me on ignore and went outside with the kids.
I know I'm not their parent but I have had to act like it for the past year a half and maybe instead of being a jerk and belittling me he should back me up and appreciate the fact that I'm trying to lighten his load! Am I wrong with this? I'm not going to let them do whatever the hell they want because its my house. I pay the bills and I'm letting them stay there (yes I realise how shitty that sounds but its the truth). I am just so tired of my brother and his half ass parenting! I don't want to be a b*tch, I love being an aunt but they are always here I never have any time to myself, I'm either breaking up a fight or getting woken up bc someone is hungry and they dont want to wake up dad because he worked all night long and I'm beyond tired of having to wait until the middle of the night to have sex with my husband because the kids are awake!
The worst part of it all is that even though he has a job they cant move out because there would be no one to watch them at night so I'm stuck with them all until he gets a new job which doesn't look like its happening any time soon.....I dont want to resent him but I am and it upsets me and the whole experience is making me and my husband NEVER EVER want children, which is depressing because we used to. I have tried to let the little stuff go but it seems like as time goes on it just gets worse and I dont want my husband to get to where I'm because that will kill their relationship. I'm hoping spending Christmas with my husbands family will give me enough time to recuperate and look at this a new way... Thanks for listening.
This discussion has been closed.