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October 2011 Weddings

Engagement Party?!

I have decided that Dan and I are going to throw ourselves an engagement party. There are two reasons....1. No one else is going to do it for us and 2. My dads side of the family has not met Dan's family at all. I REALLY feel that they need to know each other before we get to the wedding! So here is the problem....My mom is giving me crap about it. She doesn't want to go because my father is going to be there. She dosen't think that we can throw our own engagement party. She wants to know the date and time right now even though I have not planned anything about it besides its going to be in the end of September and we going to be at my brothers.

UGH! Am I wrong in thinking that this is a good idea?! I am pretty sure that it would be a good excuse for all of us together. And my brother is super excited that he gets to cook and we are going to pay for the food. It really feels like every step of the way ( and how few steps I have taken) my mom likes to make me crazy!!! Oh and its not like I am asking for gifts or anything, if they want to contribute they can bring some food or drink (another thing she was complaining about)
Thanks I feel a little better :-)
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Re: Engagement Party?!

  • Hun, I'm going to have to side with your mom partially on this.  Throw a "get-together" or a "bbq" anything but  an "engagment party" because I know you know, you don't throw those yourself.
  • I agree with Future-mrs maybe cook them a nice diner or take them out to dinner as a get to know you type of thing. 
  • erolliserollis member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2010
    I see nothing wrong with hosting your own e-party IF no one else is giving you one, both sides of the family have not met AND it is made clear (by word of mouth) that gifts are not apart of the equation.

    Hosting your own is not proper etiquette but neither is throwing your own birthday party (if some people did not host their own b-party they would never have one. Never ever.)

    The e-party is about family getting together for the first time and celebrating the beginning of the engagement/ long road ahead before the marriage. There will be plenty of opportunities to have get to-gethers in the future after the celebration of your engagement.

    Since you are hosting you can have games and give prizes to people. You can even have favors if you want. You can give ring pops as a favor since it is an e-party.

    We did not have an e-party. No one I think even knows what one is in my family. Instead I asked my aunt nicely if we could invite his parents to Thanksgiving at their place (she was excited to meet them). His parents have never met my Aunt n Uncles family before and they are a big part of my life. They have met my family (mom, dad, brothers, sister) many times before. Thanksgiving is also a family birthday party for my cousin. We all ooed and ahhed over my ring and talked about wedding stuff. It was a very enjoyable and eventful weekend for all. It would not have happened if I didn't make it happen.
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  • I think I'm torn on this. I feel like it's okay to call it an e-party since you're doing family meetings but also could just call it a nice get together and maybe your mom wouldn't be so bothered.

    We are going to do a dinner to let all our friends meet but we aren't calling it an e-party. Just are going to invite everyone to get together.
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  • Yeah, I think that I am putting etiquette on the side lines on this one. I could call it something else but it is going to be the same thing either way and I found really cute invites that are really cheap! I know that no one in my family is going to do it for us anyways. Maybe my brother can host it for me since it is going to be at his house, he is selecting the menu and going to be cooking it. Does that make it any better?

    Its not like I am going to have huge decorations or anything like that, I am not really even thinking about games eaither. I think that ring pops would be a fun thing to have there and maybe something else little like that. My family is super laid back and just wants food, drinks and good times.


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  • I think that that is fine and that it's a great way for your families to meet and celebrate your engagement... which is why it's an engagement party!  If I've learned anything so far... it's to not worry that much about what other people think.  If this is something that you and your FI want.. (and are paying for) then go for it!! :)
    We are having an engagement party next month... its appetizers, drinks, and a cake.  We are having it at 7pm and not making a huge thing of it but just a fun night with friends and family.
    Hope it all goes well... :)
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  • IMO I think you can call it what you may call it. I like your idea that since it's at your brothers house that he can be considered the host of the engagement party. I would still call it an engagement party. I am not having one, but that is because my family don't do that they just have the bridal shower. You will have to let us know how it goes when you have it.

  • saorisenylsaorisenyl member
    100 Comments
    edited July 2010

    I would think if no-one is going to throw you an e-party, and you and your FI really want to have an "engagement party" then why shouldn't you be able to.  if there is a chance your Mom or anyone may throw a surprise one, your possibly ruining their planning.  But if your sure they are not, then go for it.

    Technically it is an etiquette no no.. and from what I understand the brides parents are supposed to handle this, sooooo if your Mom isn't planning it she's already breaking the rules and shouldn't have much to say.  You could always clam her up real quick by pointing to an etiquette book and saying "oh look your supposed to have handled this".

    To avoid all the "crap" I would just let your brother say he's hosting it, word the invites with come celebrate with us and let people say what they want while you have a wonderful time that you will always remember.  :)

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  • I think it would be fine to throw your own e-party!!! Great excuse for bringing the family's together. My FI and I are thingking about doing this too. Just make sure you specify NO GIFTS! I think that's really the only way that this is ok.
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  • We are having an engagement party and my mother coming is an issue as well.  So she's not coming, but she still has the option, if she chooses to (doubtful), to have her own party for us with the people she'd want there.
    Its not an ideal situation, but whatever works works.
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  • My FI brother is married to my sister (yes, yes, i know all the jokes.. ) However it is great for occassions like this. Both sides of the family already know eachother. My sister & bro-in-law offered to throw the party this weekend. It worked out perfectly anyway cause its my bro in law's bday and we are doing it joint. I think youre in a similar situation because your brother is holding it at his house and you are helping. (we are also helping w the cooking, favors, etc) There is nothing wrong with having your brother host it and you help him out. It is a lot of work!
  • HinajHinaj member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2011-weddings_engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:650Discussion:ddf0bbe0-f644-4dca-8f68-62d58e067e57Post:ed1fc648-ac9b-4715-ba1c-82927be66b1d">Re: Engagement Party?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hun, I'm going to have to side with your mom partially on this.  Throw a "get-together" or a "bbq" anything but  an "engagment party" because I know you know, you don't throw those yourself.
    Posted by future-mrs[/QUOTE]


    Exactly this.  Call it something else if you are hosting it, but if some body else is throwing it for you, like your brother then it is an engagement party.  Yes, in the end, the results are the same, but you were able to stay ettiquette friendly for those who might raise an eyebrow at this kind of stuff. 
  • That and the main reason is if you throw YOURSELF a pre-wedding party it looks extremely gift grabby.  It's a little conceited IMO...JMO though.
  • I wasn't posting for the reason that I don't quite think it's appropriate either and didn't know how to word it but I see there's a few other girls that share my opinion.  All in all, you can do as you please =) but if you're just wondering what others are thinking, I'm siding with the other Kristy and Hina and whoever else thought that a party can be a great way for everyone to get to know each other but I wouldn't refer to it as an engagement party.

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  • I think that we are going to call it a "Perfect Pear Party". And my brother is going to host it. I am going to spread by word of mouth that there is no gift giving, if someone really wants to do something they can bring some food. Its only going to be close family that needs to meet and my MOH and her BF and Dan's BM. So it's an engagement party with a different name and there isn't going to be anything that is really wedding related.

    I think that the Pear theme is going to be super cute!!!! My brother is a super awesome cook and I told him that I wanted pears to be in the food, he will figure something out! Also my MOH and I are going to make pear mojitos! They sound so good!

    So.......is that ok?! I am going to do it anyways because my family is super excited but I was just wondering,.....
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  • We are having a very small wedding and we only have one bridesmaid and one groomsman...so we are throwing our own engagement party. I don't think there is anything wrong with it! We aren't asking for presents or anything so i don't see why ya can't throw it yaself!
  • I say do what makes you two happy. We are tossing around the idea of an engagement party that would be hosted by us. I think there is nothing wrong with doing "whatever" makes you happy and who ever doesn't understand or turns their noses up, are people you don't want around you anyway. Call it what ever you want too, it is your e-party/wedding.Wink

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