Am I being unsupportive?

ChenoaF

My fiance has decided that he wants himself and the men on his side of the family to wear a black mourning band on the wedding day in honor of those deceased in the family. We are having a poem read before the ceremony begins and placing roses in open seats. I think this is a little much, he says that I'm not being supportive of something he wants. He is also saying that it's an Italian tradition which I have tried to look up and I see nothing about black mourning bands being an Italian thing. Am I just being bridezilla? Is this just no big deal and something I should forget?Thanks :-/

SarahSmile23

does this band go around the finger or around the head? just curious. i havent decided how i feel about it yet, but i need more details!

Theresa626

To be honest, that seems like a lot of morbidity for such a happy occasion.  Did someone close to him die like a parent or a grandparent he was close with? Then I wouldn't argue with him about it at all. But, if most of his close relatives are still alive and well and he is just doing it to honor people like his great aunt, etc., I think it's a little much.  I would think the poem would be enough. 

bl0ndebunny

My fiance is italian and so is his family, and they have had a lot of close family members die, and I have heard nothing of this... I think the poem and roses are perfect...not too much...we are doing a poem and placing a bout for my brother on the table with our unity candle to honor him since he is the most recent death in either of our families

ChenoaF

The band goes on the upper arm. I'm not sure if it goes on the shirt or the jacket to be honest. His grandparents have passed recently and he said they even used it in the Godfather II movie...I'm going to have to look into that...during the wedding scene but I'm not sure. I just don't want it to be such an obvious thing, I feel the armband is. I think the poems and flowers are tasteful and a great memorial in and of themselves. But he is swearing that it's an Italian thing (although, google says nothing about that lol) and that's why he thinks it's so great. If it continues to be an argument, I'll let it go bc it's not worth it but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't just going crazy or something for questioning having it.

AileeneG

The only place I've ever seen that is at basketball or football games where the players will wear a band around their arm or something like that. Honestly, if it were me, I'd have a problem with it maybe because I've only seen it at sporting events. but if it's that big of a deal to him, I'd let it go, too. But I don't think that's crazy or bridezilla to think it's a little much.

MOBinFL2008

The poem and roses are enough.  He needs to remember that this is your wedding, not another memorial for family members.For the person who asked, the band would be worn outside the jacket so it would be very obvious.I've seen it in movies for the drama effect and I've seen athletes do something similar when they lose a team mate, but I've never heard or seen it done in real life.Perhaps if the loss had occured just a week or two before the wedding, I could see it, but IMO, it's not appropriate at your wedding.

crystlorca

How about instead of an arm band, instead they could do a black bracelet thing, like those "WWJD" bracelets that were so popular...think they are rubber or something and come in a billion colors. But if he got black, it wouldn't be all that noticeable but not completely hidden either. It would be more subtle. Just a thought?

BentleyBaby

I think the poem and roses are nice sentiments to remember those who will not be there for your wedding.I think it's great that you're trying to be supportive. But I have to agree and say I think it might be too much to wear the bands. I think it's wonderful to remember loved ones lost on special days like weddings, but in the end you don't want it to be a memorial service. You still want to enjoy your wedding and remember it as a supremely happy day- not look back & see signs of mourning everywhere.

SarahSmile23

what if you compromise? if he won't wear the bands for the ceremony, they can get some photos with the bands on?

tink143

My Fiance is Sicilian (that's close enough to Italian) and I have never heard anything of the sort.  I am very close to my grandparents, and two of them are actually currently ill, to the point we don't know if they will attend the wedding.  I would do the poem and the roses to remember them.  I have death issues though, lol so the poem would really be enough for me I don't know if I would even do the roses.  This sounds horrible but I wouldn't want to take up the seats of other people who I am still blessed to have in my living life.  I can completely understand why the bands would be to much.  Part of marriage is compromise.  I think already the poem and the roses is enough, can't he compromise as well.  I'm not saying argue, but compromise.However, if it is going to be a crazy issue, then one of you may have to fold.  It shouldn't work like that, but all of us who are getting married know unfortunately everyone doesn't always want to play fair.  Good Luck though, and don't let it go to easily, push the idea of "compromise" at least a little longer.

ChenoaF

Thanks guys I really, truly appreciate the opinions and suggestions. I feel a little less like I'm going crazy now, lol, I knew I wasn't totally out of line for not being all on board for this. I love the compromising ideas, the pics and the bracelets are definitely a little more subtle and still a very nice sentiment. 'Thank you, thank you, thank you.

John and Charisma <3

I am Italian and I have never heard of this. Just because they did something in the Godfather does not mean it is an accurate example of Italian tradtion. I agree, I have only seen these bands in sport events. I think everything but the bands sounds great. My very Italian grandmother is I was very close with, died the year before me wedding. I honored her (and my grandpa who is still alive) by having a picture of them next to a picture of my husband and I at the wedding (on the other side was a picture of his late grandparents). I also tied both her wedding ring and engagement ring around my bouquet. At the end of dinner we had gelato, one of my grandmas favorite things in the world. There are so many ways to honor those who are no longer with us and some of those ways can actually be fun. Try asking your fiance if there is another idea (perhaps a song or something) that you could use to honor those who has passed. GL!