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Can't sell my dress :(

As some of you know, I like encouraging brides to sell or donate their dresses after the wedding. I think it's a wonderful way to bless another bride, and to be good to the environment. I've been planning on selling/giving away my dress after the wedding since the very beginning. FI has taken issue with this, as he tends to be a lot more sentimental with objects than I am. I pointed out to him how wasteful it is to keep a dress that I'll never wear again, and he seemed to agree.

Well, last week when I was in LA I had a fitting with FMIL. (btw, my dress is nowhere near finished. The skirt isn't even attached, and no embellishments have been added at all. The woman is going to give me an anxiety attack with her lack of ability to finish projects ahead of time...) Anyway, during the fitting, FMIL starts going on and on about how a wedding dress is an "heirloom," and should be of the highest quality so that generations to come can take it out and admire it. Ew. Apparently I'm not allowed to sell the dress. I'm so agitated by this. It bothers me that I have to do something that I'm ethically opposed to just to make FMIL happy! :( I hope my closet enjoys spending time with my "heirloom" dress, because no bride will get the chance to enjoy it after me.

Re: Can't sell my dress :(

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    cmp1986cmp1986 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd just sell it anyways. That's insane!!! Who's paying for the dress? If you are paying for it, you have every right to sell it, if you want to. Honestly even if you didn't pay for it, you have a right to sell it. I'd tell both of them, I understand where you are coming from, but I do not want my dress to just sit there collecting dust. It will cost money to preserve this dress for which I will never wear again.
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    edited December 2011
    Actually FMIL is making the dress. That's why it's such a sentimental issue for FI's family. While I see it as an article of clothing, they see it as something bigger and more meaningful. They're all artists. Maybe that's why they can't let it go?
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    FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hate to side with FMIL on this one but.. I do. :/ If she was just fussing about you selling a dress you bought, I'd be like "Whatever-- sell it anyways" BUT, since she is making your dress, I'd keep it. To her it's her art, her handiwork. She wants you to WANT to keep it because SHE made it. Even though it's just a dress that could be given/sold to another bride, it will probably create more hardships if you do indeed sell it. When it comes to my FMIL, my motto is "do little to disturb the peace unless the peace really needs disturbed", haha. 

    In my opinion, this is one of those "pick and choose your battles" situations. It sucks that you can't do what you want (well, you can but we all know that you probably shouldn't.. just so you don't have to deal with the aftermath).

    Over everything else, the fact that your FI wants you to keep it would make me even more inclined to keep the dress. 

    Regardless, I'm sorry you're in this situation! It sucks when you feel like you don't have a say when it pertains to you. Hang in there girlie!



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    cmp1986cmp1986 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Faith. If she's making the dress for you then you can't sell it. I can see your point of view, but I can see theirs too. Just keep the dress and maybe down the road they will change their minds.
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    FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_cant-sell-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:0f61fa68-d8ae-413a-8219-ec06b489961fPost:24e14f88-f4bf-42ff-8877-a6c6e9da472b">Re: Can't sell my dress :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with Faith. If she's making the dress for you then you can't sell it. I can see your point of view, but I can see theirs too. <strong>Just keep the dress and maybe down the road they will change their minds.</strong>
    Posted by cmp1986[/QUOTE]
    Yep. Maybe you can sneakily sell it after awhile or after a few years of sitting in your closet maybe FI will say "Honey, this dress is just sitting here collecting dust.. do you really still want it??!" and then you can happily say "I guess I can get rid of it...". Make him think it's his idea! ;)

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    edited December 2011
    I agree with Faith and cmp. Sorry! If she is making the dress and buying all the material I think you should most definitely keep it. One day when you have a daughter it will be great for your DH to tell her that her grandma made this by hand and she might enjoy that dress rather than some other stranger. You might not have a daughter, but this is very meaningful to your FI and his mom. How many brides can have a hand-made dress and exactly what they want? Plus, if you made something as special as a wedding dress for your FDIL, how would you feel if she wanted to just sell the dress? There's no harm in keeping it, esp if your not paying for it. If you were paying for it, or your made it then i'd say its all up to you.
    Sorry girlie.
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    edited December 2011
    I kinda of agree with you - I get that itsher art I guess but there will be tons and tons of pictures and videos to remember it by and it is not like you can display it like other art.  Well I guess you could, one of the real housewives of Beverly Hills has her wedding gown framed and hanging on the wall at the end of a hallway - it looks pretty cool but she also lives in a ginormous mansion and can get away with it.  Are there any family members getting married soon that you could sell it to? Cousins? second cousins? then it stays in the family like they want and you also get to do what you want with it and pass it on to someone else? 
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    edited December 2011
    :) Yes, I know I must keep it. But writing to you all helped me to realize that it's her art, and that's why FI and her think it's so important that it be kept. I also have a copper rose that I'm forced to keep because FI made it and gave it to me on our first date. I really don't want the dang rose. Luckily I've made FI some clothes that he won't wear and our conversations about them have helped him to realize that I don't want his art the same way that he doesn't want my clothes! But yes, Faith is right, I'll have to keep it to make FMIL happy. Best to not rock the boat!
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    edited December 2011
    I'm late as usual but Faith offered excellent advice :D
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    edited December 2011
    a little late, but I think Faith has definitly given you pretty good advise above all :)
    try to think of it in a good way
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    HeathirddHeathirdd member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So glad you decided to keep it, I kind of look at it like a family quilt, something someone toiled over that you want to pass down...and also its one of those things that doesnt feel like an heirloom...YET. Maybe if you DO pass it down sometime along the line it will...my veil is literally just an old piece of lace that my mother wore, her mother wore and HER mother wore...so its not about what it is, its about what you do with it. :)

    Congrats! and also, I want to give your FI a little plug, its a great scenario to have him supporting you keeping it versus the other way around...I know alot of girls struggle with that and I would hate that much more.

    Very best!
    Heather
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    edited December 2011

    I agree with keeping it ..... I would NEVER wear my mom's dress, but I would have loved loved to wear my grandmothers!

    Imagine in 60 years from now a grandchild wearing your dress that her GREAT GRANDMOTHER made by hand.  I know you aren't sentimental about those things, but you may have family in the future which wish you were.

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    RaquelSRaquelS member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I say keep it, and store it in FI's side of the closet. lol
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