If you did not see my original post on this, go to this link:
http://talk.theknot.com/boards/main_frame.aspx?page=showpost.aspx?postid=61670530 So I waited two days and then I wrote MOH #1 a letter. I though that I would feel better if I just got my feelings out. I told her how disappointed and hurt I was that she was making a CHOICE to not attend my wedding, because it was an inconvenience. I also told her how upset I was for her not even acknowledging that she was bowing out of being an MOH and didn’t even tell her cousin she was standing up in our wedding the week before as an MOH!! I also could have provided her with free housing and transpo while in Miami, which she did not even ask about or work with me on it, she just gave up and said she wasn’t coming. I sent the email and actually felt worse, not better. MOH #1 calls me in tears after receiving my email and accused me of putting her in a position of having to choose between her family, that I didn’t understand that she had no days off work. Of course I never put her in a position to choose between me and her family – the only way that would have been the case or been a problem is if both weddings were on the same day, which they are not. They are on back to back weekends. This has nothing to do with her family. Come both weekends! Also, she didn’t need to take days off work to come to my wedding– fly out Friday night and go home Sunday. It’s a no brainer. I texted her to say that I was visiting with my family and that I would call her back this week. I then left go go have dinner with MOH #2. I decided to just lay things out on the table with MOH #2 and I said, I’m sure you have talked with MOH #1. She said she did but wanted to talk about her week first. MOH #2 has been in dire straits financially and is having huge problems with her ex husband not paying for anything. Before I even brought anything up she told me that she was sorry but she just couldn’t afford to come to Miami for the wedding! She also said that she was moving in with MOH #1. I told her I expected this and although I was disappointed, I understood. Now I’m down two MOH’s in one week, 5 months into the planning. MOH #2 is in dire straits, and although I’m very disappointed, I get it. But MOH #1 is not, and it’s just an inconvenience so she’s not coming. She doesn’t see how this should affect our friendship. All I keep doing is running through all of the things that I have done for her, as a BFF that weren’t convenient or necessarily inexpensive for me, because she asked me to or because I knew how important it was to her. Not because I've kept score, but this isn't the first time that I was left holding the bag. And the one thing I ask of her she can’t do it. Now that they are going to live together that makes it even more awkward. I want this not to matter and I so want to move on from the hurt but I can’t. This has become so stressful and hurtful and I haven’t slept very well since last week. I don’t know what to do to move past this.