Am I being a Bridezilla? (LONGGGG) Need opinions...

jssoto82

Ok, so I got in a major fight with my sister (who is also one of my MOHs). Here's some background : my sister is married with two kids (my niece is 13 and my nephew is 8). She works full time as an accounting controller. She is a great mother/wife/sister/daughter. She does everything for her kids. They are involved in soccer, dance, computer classes, swimming, etc. My parents live with her & her husband. They take care of the kids while she is at work and help her as much as they can.Ok so here's the deal...My wedding is April 10th, 2010. My niece is 13 yrs old. I am planning the biggest day of my life. My 3 sisters are my MOHs..and I must say they are the BEST. We have MOH meetings where we discuss the Bridal shower, the wedding, favors, etc. They are all helping, but my sister with the kids is actually the one that has the best CREATIVE MIND. So she's been the best one with ideas, creativity, etc.HOWEVER, lately she has also been incorporating planning for my niece's quince that is 2 years away. At first it was just about locking in a venue. She did that and got a great deal. I was very supportive of that and even gave her all my research stuff. But now she's digging into the nitty gritty. She already bought the flip flops for the guests for the dance floor, tank tops for the quince court, etc.The other day she came with me to the invitation store and she was looking for invites for my niece's quince (when it was supposed to be about helping me find my wedding invites).I've joked about it and kind of brushed it off...but finally today I couldn't hold it in. I texted her saying "it's really hurting my feelings and that she is kinda of stealing my thunder"- 2 years is unnecessary. And in a way she is also taking this joy for planning my niece's quince from me and my mother and sisters because by the time my wedding is over, she's gonna have done everything for the quince and there will be nothing for us to do.So I tried ignoring her calls after my text because I was with my parents and just didn't want to talk about it. My dad got annoyed that she kept calling me, and I had to answer. We got into a screaming match and I started crying. My parents were stunned- but my mom was happy that I finally said something, because every time she made comments, my sister would snap at her.My sister pretty much said "You are wrong. I have to plan. My life is too busy. This topic is too sensitive for me. I will no longer discuss this topic. You think you are always right".She blew up on my parents when they got home too.So now, we haven't talked since this afternoon. I guess we're in a fight. I don't know what to do. I even told her "I'll take something off your busy plate. forget helping me. Plan your daughter's quince."This really hurts me because my sister is such an awesome person, great sister, great mom. I want my niece to have the biggest quince and have the best of everything. But can't she just wait 7 more months to start planning. She already pretty much locked in the hotel. Why can't everything else wait till later? she's gonna use my vendors anyways....she already said that.  I just want to enjoy my wedding planning. Am I being a bridezilla?

melissainabq

Sorry but yes - you are overreacting. Your wedding is not going to be as important to everyone else as it is to you, and you need to remember that everyone else also has a life to live. You get a day - you can't expect everyone to plan the rest of their lives around your schedule so you feel like you're the center of attention until your wedding day arrives.

rclnd83

No! You're not a bridezilla. You stood up for yourself and that's really important. Sometimes other people can't stand that. Jess you spoke your mind about the difference Between the wedding and the quince. I hope there's no rival between who can throw a better party. I'm kind of in the same boat with my sister. And totally understand the screaming fights. Chica YOU did the right thing and spoke your mind and that's all that matters. The next step if finding common ground and hope the dust will settle soon, so you can be a happy planning family.

millenia98

ahh *big hug to you*I understand how you feel. 100%. You just held it in so long and exploded.Well, the way you feel about your wedding day is the way your sister is feeling about her little girl's quince. I think some Moms take it to the extreme. I guess your sis figures you have your other sisters and your bridesmaids... but her daughter only has her. She probably thinks that planning right alongside your wedding is the only way she'll get it done and get good deals.She should really chill and just get her stuff done closer to the date, but it's her choice. Just let her do it on the side. When you guys start talking again, remind her that you love your niece and will definitely help out in anything but that you need her ideas right now. You understand she's busy but you need her. When family feels needed, they'll whine at first but deep inside they'll come through more than anyone.I'm glad you got it off your chest. That was step 1. Everything else will fall into place. Stress and emotions - it happens. Just relax. Let her live her life and she'll DEF come through in a clutch for you. You're her little sister.

jssoto82

Thanks guys for your insight! I really needed to hear others opinions.... even harsh ones like melissainabq (j/k I really appreciate the feedback). What hurts me the most is that my family Is EXTREMELY TIGHT. I don't know another family that is as exagerratingly close as my family. For example, when my niece got her period... my mom, and my 3 sisters- all took the day off and took my niece to the mall for "Woman's Day". We showered her with perfume, shoes, clothes..all woman stuff. So someone mentioned that for my niece's quince she only has her mom (my sis)...but that's not true. My mother, my two sisters all would give the shirt off our backs, and put sweat, blood, and tears, for my niece's quince and for anything else for each other. So it's definitely no battle between who can throw a better party. it's always been a team effort, and "if I can't have something, I still want you to have it kinda thing"..This just really sucks and it's such a shame that it had to get to this. I don't know what to do now.

millenia98

I'm the one that said that b/c imagine... your sis is her Mom...and as a Mom, she probably thinks that she has to be #1 with being there for her daughter. I'm not THAT close with my family as you're describing (which is amazing, by the way)... but if you're THAT close with everyone - imagine how your sis feels about your niece's quinces.Anyway, you don't have to do anything. Let time heel. Have a few days off to yourself and you guys will be as good as new. Don't think that being THAT close doesn't have a downside. I mean, fights, hurt emotions, screaming...that's the way life is.Take some time to breath and everything will be fine. It's your CLOSE family - nothing will destroy that. Keep online searching and planning your wedding. You'll have more ideas by the time you guys meet again. PS - WE have the same wedding date. Cheers!!

ups783

Honestly, I think it's perfectly understandable for you to feel a little hurt. Especially since you're so tight knit, and she's putting something that's not happening for 2 years before your wedding, which less than a year away.I don't think you should burden her with chores for your wedding if she's super busy, but I think she should respect that if she's out with you running wedding errands, then she should focus on that. She obviously set that time aside for you, not to plan the quince. She can do the quince work at another time, not both at once because that's not fair to you or your niece. I think you should talk to her once she's had time to calm down, and tell her how much you feel in the nicest way possible. Tell her how much you've been looking forward to sharing this experience with her, but you feel that it's being overshadowed because she's planning two things at once, unnecessarily. Both events will turn out better if the family focuses on one at a time. It will stress her out less too. Just my 2 cents. No worries, though...your family sounds amazing, so I'm sure it will all work out!

jssoto82

Millenia,Thanks for all that great advice! You're my date-twin!! I had no idea!UPS,Thank you also! It's always good to hear other points of view.I my Knotties!

TtotheG

First, holy premature batman! Two years? Lord, I hope they gave her a good deal. My feeling? How can she assume that her daughter may even *want* this in two years? She might rather something else, and yes, I've seen this happen! Girls picking cars (or other things) over quinces/sweet 16s/bat mitzvahs.Doing things ahead of schedule is always good, but this ahead ... - she may need to just sit and realize her tastes and her daughters tastes can take a total 180 in two years. A 13 year olds vision is very different from a 14 going on 15 year olds. This is a small fact that might help your arguement.As far as bridezilla, I think you have every right to feel the way you do. Yes, you may only have one day, but it's decently annoying when you're shopping for your centerpieces and your MOH is off in the corner doing soemthing totally counterproductive. The world may not revolve around us, and no one else might care as much - but you do and that's what matters. Just simply tell your sister that it means the world to have her creativity and input involved in the wedding. If she wants to shop for her daughters quince that's two years away - why don't you make two seperate appointments at vendors? For instance, an appointment at 2:00 for you then an appointment at 2:30 for you niece. That way you are both focused on what is most important to you?

TtotheG

Oh, another thought for your sister - vendors are subject to price changes through the years. Invitations may go out of print, centerpieces may go out of style, etc etc.Being ahead of the game is ALWAYS a good thing, but there is also times when one can be too ahead of schedule. A year out is more then anough time IMHO.

TheJennius

No.You're not.I get quite a fire from some people in my social circles that have found out I'm planning a wedding 1 year + 3 months in advance; imagine how they'd react if they'd know of a 2 year Quince. Like a pp said, it's good to be early, but there's a difference between being early and just being ridiculously, unnecessarily early.You were honest with her, and that's what counts. If she can't understand that your wedding as of now is more important than her daughter's Quince, she needs to readjust her priorities (and her calendar). This is not to say that she should absolutely consider you before her children, but event-wise, a wedding is more special (at least in my opinion - my freaking Quince was a blur compared to my wedding) than a Quince, your wedding's date is closer, etc. etc.Another pp said it, let the moods calm down. Hopefully she'll come around and notice she's not being exactly supportive. Hope everything works out!

avmn10

I definitely don't think you are overreacting.  Two years in advance to plan a quince?! Stinks to get into a fight with family though...good luck, hopefully she sees your point of view, let us know what happens!

[Deleted User]

I dont think your overreacting. I think its a good thing you said what you felt even if it led to an argument (I know what youre going thu, I'm kind of experiencing something simular now) Give it some time for the tempers to subside and have a talk with her. Im sure she can wait 7 months to then begin planning an event thats in 2 years or atleast help you plan as much as possible and plan the quinces when she has free time (since she has more time till then) GL!!

muddilicious

I think it is excellent that you told her how you feel, but to then ignore her calls is kinda immature, and can cause the fights to escalate.  I know that is harsh, but you should try to keep those lines of communication open, esp.  since you are such a tight knit family.But I def.  see how you feel. 

Steph&Byron

JS I am the eldest and the first to get married so I don't know what is it to have kids or for my sisters to have kids but I don't think you're being a bridezilla.  I know melissa said that know one cares about your wedding like you do but I think that sisters are the exception.  It may not be that important to her but she should make you feel like it is a big deal for her too.  I think she got defensive when you tried talking to her especially after not picking up her phone calls but if you talk to her when you're both calm I'm sure she'll understand how you fell .  It sounds to me like you guys have a great relationship so everything will work out.