UGH, just want to Elope! Vent of the Day..and Question.

FaithCaitlin

My mother wants this wedding, not me. FI and I would be happy to elope and go on a nice long honeymoon.

I'm an only child and I think my parents would be devestated if I eloped. They refuse to talk about it and when I try to compromise and discuss a smaller wedding, I automatically get screamed at.

I'm stressed with planning and I think I really need to take a wedding hiatus. My wedding isn't until 12/22/12 for goodness sake but my friends, family, etc make me feel like I need to get things done NOW! (I do have a ton going on next year but still..).

FI came up with a solution but I'm not sure if it's possible. He thinks that we should have the big wedding but elope the weekend before. We'd tell our officiant (for the big, formal wedding) ahead of time that this is what we are doing, and get him to play along. Is this even possible?!

I don't want to disappoint my mother but I also don't think I really want to do this. Or, is it just the overload of wedding stuff that's making me feel this way?

Krysta6

parents are so hard to deal with when they have a vision for our weddings. Since you have so much time to plan I would take some time think about what you and your FI want and go from there. If it were up to my parents I would have a 300 person wedding. We would be happy with 50-80 people. But we have compromised and the list now has 135 people (I'm hoping no more than 100 show up!). It took my parents a while to realize that this day is special to us not just them and that they would have to compromise some since it isn't their wedding day.

I think its up to you about eloping the weekend before. But take some time and explore what you guys want for your special day so you don't get bullied into a wedding you will hate

FutureMrsFezz

I don't think you should lie to your guests.  If they think they're coming to see you guys get married that's what it should be.  I wouldn't have a fake thing after you're married.  I know it sounds like a good solution, but I don't think it's right.

I think you should tell who ever you need to tell that a big wedding is not what YOU want.  It may sting, but it's not about what everyone else wants (unless they are paying).  Then you don't really have a choice.  You can't really tell them what to do with their money.  If you guys are paying and want to elope, then do it.

lgrn22

I am not sure what the difference between eloping the weekend before would make. If you want to do it though why not? I have thought about marrying my FI early just to get on his insurance but I really want to have the real moment in front of everyone. My mom has little comments that she says but we are paying for the entire thing (except my dress) so anytime she says anything I just say who's paying for this. But she is pretty good.
But as everyone will say, it is your wedding for you and your FI. If it starts to stress you out, take a break, come on here and vent and dont mention anything wedding to your family. They can not comment on anything that they do not know. You have plenty of time. You don't have to stress about getting everything done. I do have to admit that being on here sometimes also stresses you out because so many people have things one that you do not and it makes you worry, but go at your own speed, it is not a race.

waterroxy17

I think some parents look at it as their party to. Maybe make them aware that this is your special day. It's about the two of you becoming a family. Planning a wedding is a stressful thing in itself, you dont need extra stress.
Sit down and talk with them and come up with a solution or comprimise. If you don't do that now, it will only continue.

FaithCaitlin

Thanks for the advice and for allowing me to vent! Guess it's time to have a serious sit down with my mom n

rxjen

What Fezz said!

dewreb

I have a friend who eloped prior to her wedding for financial reasons (so she and her husband could more easily buy a house together). She only told a few people that she was already married. I don't think there's anything wrong with eloping and not telling your guests. I WILL tell you that with my friend, I asked her during the reception if it was anticlimatic since she was already married, and she said that it was. I don't know that she was upset about it, but she said she thought it would probably be a lot more exciting if they hadn't already gotten married.

FaithCaitlin

Girls, just wanted to update to say I'm feeling better. I think I just "lost" it there for a bit. But, things are back on track and I *think* I'm sane again, haha!

Thanks for all the responses!