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Venting- MIL!

So my mother FMIL hasnt mentioned a word about the wedding since July 18, 2009 (when she congratulated us on getting engaged).  She's been acting super nasty since before that as well... just in her nature.  She's like that with all of her sons wives/ girlfriends/ etc...Now its time to start the invites and she finally has a mouth!  Hell no!  She is not putting in any money, any ideas, any effort, any interest, any ANYTHING!  IS it wrong of me to let her have a date and thats it???  We're having a smaller wedding and some of my friends aren't even invited.  She wants to invite some people she knew from who knows where 20 years ago... wtf????  woosa.....woosa....!!!! 

Re: Venting- MIL!

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    Dee729Dee729 member
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    edited December 2011
    ah...very touchy subject...

    Its hard to say no to parents....wether they are paying or not...we had that with my fathers mother who wants to invite friends of hers, and my dad is having the same probelm you are!  he is paying for the wedding and is having a hard time saying no to his "mommy" 

    Good luck sweetie!  Sorry, I'm not real help....I'm letting my father handle this...
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    edited December 2011
    lol this is a very common case with the inlaws and our parents. its a double edged sword in a sense..if theyre putting in money, they feel they have a say in whos invited. if they're not putting in money, they feel they have a say anyways just because theyre your parents or parents of the groom . so, whichever way you try to dodge the bullet you get hit anyways lol I HATE confrontation and avoid it like the plague, so i try to be accomodating to my parents and his parents, without getting taken advantage of, of course ;) IMO, talk to your FI and say that his mom wants to invite x amount of people and she's not fronting any money and see what his opinion is
    you do want to allow her to invite a handful because frankly, she is his mom and you don't want to look like the bad guy. i think if you play it nice, she'll come around. :)
    Good Luck!!!
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    uscgwife21uscgwife21 member
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    edited December 2011
    I would say that if you are having a small wedding and you can not even invite some of your friends do not let her invite half the family that you are not even close to. It will get hard because she may try to get FI on her side and it will put you in a bad place. Don't fall into the pressure especially if she isn't contributing so much as her ideas! GL
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    edited December 2011
    Oh mothers-in-law. I'd say to be careful about this, and let FI handle it. After all, it's his mother. Just let him now you're not backpedaling on this, he should know how to talk to her.
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    bears4lifebears4life member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hmmm, I'm not even sure what advice to give you on this. It's like a catch 22...sorry hun. GL!
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    edited December 2011
    tough spot huh?  I took this approach with my own mother who had a list a mile long with names I never even heard before.  I told her "there will only be 100 guests at the wedding and unfortunately none of us are going to be able to invite everyone we want, not even me, so as much as I'm sure you would LOVE your bible study friends daughter to be at the wedding, I just cant invite her."  I also made a point to explain to her that we simply will not invite someone FI and I dont know or havent seen in over a year unless they are family.  you'll have to put your foot down (stand united with FI on this one) be polite and stress the fact that not even you and FI get to invite everyone you want to be there.  Perhaps you can make concessions with her on who will be invited to the shower etc.  and include some of her friends?  Good Luck Hun
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    edited December 2011
    I would say let FI handle this, but you two need to be on the same page about it.

    Unfortunately, my mother acts the same way as his mother-- has shown no interest, is a very mean person, but she wants to invite whoever she wants. I had to just say no to her and be strong about the decision.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP, definetly have your FI handle her after you let him know what you think.
    The last thing you want is drama with MIL and FIL right before the wedding. If your FI and MIL get in a fight or an arguement, they will get over it and forgive eachother because, afterall, thats his mother/son.

    But if you and her have it out, then its a whoooole other story and you don't want that negativity around your day. GL!
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    odiloveslegosodiloveslegos member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with everyone else you dont want to get in the middle of that!

    FI's family is Filipino which means he has 6 Godparents who have 2 children over 18 that he his close to!

    So what we did was a break down so everyone felt comfortable.  I had my A and B lists of people, FI had his, my parents had thiers, and so did his.

    When FI and my lists were in we added our parents.  We ended up sacrificing a few of our A list people to make them happy but it seems at the last minute a lot of people drop out and we're hoping to put those people back in that way.

    Hope this helps!  GL!
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    edited December 2011
    I wish you the best hun! Thats not really fair that she is doing it to you.
    I went the nasty route and told her no money...no say. She understood and now were fine. I had to put my foot down or she wouldve invitied all of her coworkers who have never met us!
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    edited December 2011

    Send FI to deal with her as long as FI doesn't give in.

    This is my inlaws exactly. They offer no help. My parents control the purse strings/check book and so they control the guest list. When FMIL came up with more people (people who they had not spoken with in years), I said come up with the check for those people and you can invite them. If you can't come up with it, tough cookies.

    Sorry. I'm a FIRM believer in sticking up for yourself. If you don't put your foot down with certain people now, they'll walk all over you later.

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    edited December 2011
    I say NO NO to this, I guess because I haven't been expose to this situation THANK GOODNESS! I guess last option for you if you don't want any "issues" with her is either tell your FI to talk to her and tell her you guys don't have room for this people OR give her a number of X amount of people she can invite let's say 15 and she can't go over that number because you guys just CAN'T afford to have any more than it is already discussed.

    Good Luck!
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    edited December 2011
    The other day my FMIL started talking about ppl she was going to invite (who knows what she was talking about since she thinks we shouldnt waste money on a wedding not that i asked her for anything) anyways so my  FI told her very nicely thats fine but they are going to pay for them because we are paying 65 ppl and thats it.

    Im sure they wont be invited now lol...just a suggestion.
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    edited December 2011
    Love the Woosa! Keep your sense of humor honey! It will help you keep your sanity!
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    edited December 2011
    Honey... I TOTALLY understand. Me and MIL are at a stand off. its been 4 months since we've spoken. She's already made me cry twice and now i refuse to go there until she apologizes. My mom has decided if she doesn't pay for our rehearsal/ welcome party.. she must pay for all of her guests.  In my situation its the way to go.  :) 
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    Lacey36Lacey36 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    yeah sorry your dealing with that. It is very touchy subject, but go with your gut and maybe just please her with something small like that. I hope you can work whatever it  is out.
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