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Was your shower or bachelorette a complete surprise to you?!? (Super LOOONG)

So I am having somewhat of an issue with this, no biggie, but I tend to overanalyze things and I just can't help but it feel forced or like I am manipulating my way to get what I want.

The BM that was planning my BS began planning almost immediately after I got engaged. Sadly our friendship ended and with that the plans. I knew if I ended up getting anything it will be because of her only. The other girls although have been in my life A LOT longer than she was, are too busy with their lives and never find time to do things like that. Well after a big argument I had with the girls about their dresses, one of them finally decides to step up and do something. Of course 3 months away and with no clue what to do.

My friend decides to do it at my FMIL house. So she asks me to ask FI to ask FMIL if it was ok. She starts looking things up and getting things ready. She asked me when I think it will be fine to do, I tell her the end of feb or beggining of March, then I tell her the 20th works fine because I already had the 19th off for epics.

So I think we are on the same page, it turns out she thought it was the 20th of MARCH!! Really a week before the wedding?!?! My friend does not think sometimes, how is that at the end of feb or start of march? We realize that we're not on the same page and decides on the 12th. Ok w/e. That's another weekend I have to ask for off. It turns out my other friend that's helping her thought it was the 13th and the 12 she has a baby shower. She gets her invite and tells me she won't be able to go. So my friend thats planning changes it to the 13th and we have to call everyone to let them know.

On the other side I have my FMIL asking me about it and I told her that my other friend doesn't want me involved in the planning so I dk anything. But I do tell her that its outside, about 20 ladies and I tell her the food she plans. None of which she seems to like. And she starts insisting to make it inside. Then I get a call last week from her asking me about it again. (Oh yea she didn'teven know when it was found out through invitation and its at her house because MY BM has 0 communcation skills and she's a therapist!) My FMIL has it set that its inside. And I tell her NO its outside and that she doesn't need to worry about anything, the girls will take care of it. She proceeds to tell me that he house is upside down and she needs to see whats going to happen to see what she needs to do. Then why is she insisting on doing it INSIDE, outside she won't have anything to worry about as far as rearranging?!?!?! I don't get her sometimes!!!

And then my BM instead of making this whole thing easier on me has added more stress with her not even calling my FMIL to see if the date was fine or to do it outside. I really don't get her, why would you want to do something at someones house and not consider them or at least keep them informed. It's so intrusive and disrespectful. She finally called her Saturday and everything seems ok.

My cousin, which appointed herself MOH, has been MIA. My BM has called her several times to include her in the planning and nada. She finally just tells her to get the prizes for the games. So my cousin calls me Saturday and starts asking me what to go get. REALLY? We are having cupcakes at the BS, but I know my friend is going to want to bake to save money. I'm all for saving money, but its ok for her to spend $300 on a watch or sunglasses. So my cousin tells me she is going to get me the cupcakes I want from mishas. So in a way I feel like a manipulated my to get that =(

And the bachelorette... OMG I am sorry I wrote a lot... but wow! So I've been telling my friend thats helping out BM do the shower and who also use to work at the same place I do, that they need to decide quick what they are going to do because my friends at work that have been excited about the bachelorette party since I got enagaged need to ask for the day off. So shes like ok ok. They finally decide to do it the 19th, great abother day I have to ask off. With the shower, bachelorette, wedding and HM, consecutively on every weekend, that 4 weekends off, I don't like to take advantage of work like that. But since she had no problems asking for everyday off she thinks its ok. So my friends at work can't ask for it off because its too late and they already have the 12 off so they decide to do it then. Of course the bridal shower is the next day at 1pm, I hope I won't be too hammered. SO now its like a war between both bachelorrettes but both sides have been asking what to do?? Shouldn't it be a surprise?!?! As if I don't have enough decisions to make?!?!? I feel like I know too much or am involved too much.
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Re: Was your shower or bachelorette a complete surprise to you?!? (Super LOOONG)

  • herculeschloeherculeschloe member
    edited December 2011
    I've had so much drama about both my BS and BP that I was not/am not looking forward to them. My mom ended up having to throw my shower bc my MOH (who has since been demoted!) dropped the ball and then didn't even help my mom. The new MOH took the reigns and is planning the BP but I honestly didn't think I was even going to have one! I am a total believer that the bride shouldn't be involved in any of the planning. This is how I have done it in other weddings I was in and it just seems to make more sense...it should be a surprise! And I can say that I would NEVER have the nerve to be talking about it so much with the bride...but I guess some of us just "get it" and most others dont! Anyhow, I wish you luck and hope it all goes well after all this trouble!! :)
  • edited December 2011
    Your people need to get it together! I dont know background history ( if theyve been involved in bridal parties or not) but it sounds like they may need a little guidance and open communication from you. It seems like everyone is scrambling all over the place now that you are running out of time. I dont know what you do for work but is it possible to do the Bachelorette Party late night? I know that this may not be ideal but whoever wants to come will make the sacrifice and come. Or you can have a smaller bachelorette party with just close friends and your BP. I dont suggest you do one party after the other in 2 days.You may not be hung over but you could be tired and you want to enjoy both events separately and not worrying about a Bridal Shower the next day. As for your MOH,  it is NOT mandatory for your bridal party to throw you a Bridal Shower so you should be grateful that you are at least getting a party and if your MOH wants to bake the cupcakes I think she is in every position to do so as a host and the person shelling out the cash for the party and it is rude that you are mentioning and judging her spending habits to get your cupcakes.......
    South Florida July Siggy Challenge-Bouquet image . image image ................. Invited:120image Attending:121 image Declined:001image Not Yet Replied:0image RSVP Date: July 25th Ready to Roll!!
  • edited December 2011

    OMG I would be livid! I really do think that sometimes people dont get it. Hopefully things run smooth at the BS or I have a feeling you will go crazy on them. I couldn't do it. I think I would have canceled it all and did my own party, lol but I'm OCD

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  • edited December 2011
    Oh boo, what a communication messy mishap! I say just breath and answer the questions so you don't stress yourself out more... Unfortunately, a lot of people have no idea what is needed to be done or the importance of these events.

    I am a control freak so I am planning my own bachelorette party... I want to do a cruise so I am coordinating the bookings since I used to be and still do the travel agent thing on the side. I also am saying what I want to do while on the cruise lol

    As far as the Bridal shower goes... my mom and aunt are taking care of it, and my friends are doing the games part. I just said I want it girls only, brunch style food with mimosas and sangria, but other than that I don't care.

    Maybe try giving the girls a guideline would help them too?

    Hope it gets better!
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  • edited December 2011
    I know it's not mandatory for your party to throw a bridal party Jen, that's not what I'm complaining about at all. And the only reason I mentioned money was cuz she is always doing that. She has no problem spending money on herself but when it comes to friends and family it hurts her to spend a little, it's like a burden. So I would appreciate it if you didn't call me rude. I am the most unselfish person you'll meet. And I don't have a lot of money but when it comes to giving to my friends I find a way, I know I shouldn't expect that in return. So I was finally somewhat selfish on something and ur going to call me out on it, no thanx! And to top it off I am complaining how it doesn't feel right. Wow! My family doesnt know about bridal showers so they didn't do anything. My mom is making the food though for it because I told my friend that it would be cheaper if she did it than hiring someone cuz would you look at that I didn't want her to spend too much money!
    Stephany Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Listen, the way your post came off was kinda rude and you said it yourself "like I am manipulating my way to get what I want" . I  just gave you my opinion on what you were asking, I did give you my SINCERE advice so take it for what it is and move on. Sometimes you will not always hear what you want to hear around here...
    South Florida July Siggy Challenge-Bouquet image . image image ................. Invited:120image Attending:121 image Declined:001image Not Yet Replied:0image RSVP Date: July 25th Ready to Roll!!
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