More FMIL Drama...I really need your advice on this.....

Bride2BeCat

So....as an Asian, I've been struggling with my weight.  Not that I think I am morbidly obsese, but I seem to have the largest body out of everyone in my family and my fiance's family (since we're both Asian), and it makes me very self conscious. 

It's hard to work out when you've never worked out before and my schedule as a teacher never really allowed me to do so.  As soon as summer began, I started working out with a personal trainer.  And YES, it is hard because as I said, I haven't worked out before.  But...I do feel my body changing where I actually look forward to our sessions and miss it when we do train. 

Anyway, yesterday, was the FIRST day I left my daughter at my fmil's house with my little sister in law to watch her while we work out.  My little girl who is so innocent and tells me EVERYTHING shares with me the following conversation when I pick her up (conversation also confirmed by my little sister):

FMIL: Where is your mom?
Baby Girl: At the gym
FMIL: Shes too late.
Baby Girl: (just shows how innocent they are) She's been there since earlier
FMIL: No, she should have been working out since last year, she's too fat.

OMG!!!  Then to make matters worse...

FMIL: What did you eat for breakfast?
Baby girl: Cereal
FMIL: That's it?  Cereal?  If you're mom KNEW how to cook like me, you would not look so skinny and malnutritioned. 

WTF?!?!?! Really WHO TALKS like that to little 7 year old girls.

Today was my FMIL's birthday and this is EXACTLY what I texted her:
"Mary told me you said it was too late for me to be working out, please don't talk about me in front of my daugther.  She tells me EVERYTHING.  Happy birthday. God bless"

To which she tells her daughters that she doesn't care that I found out because she was merely stating a FACT of her own OPINION <- since when are opinions facts?  <- We teach that even in elementary school!?!??!! OMG!!! I'm just soooo unhappy with this woman, I WANT TO SIT DOWN and talk with her before we get married, but I don't know if it will even help.  Please let me know what you think ladies....

RaquelS

You've been going through a lot of crap with this lady. But to be honest, as the saying goes "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" and I think it's probably too late for her to learn when to keep shut about certain things. It's already deeply rooted in her to be that type of person and I'm sorry to say that I don't think anything you say to her will make her change. I'm so sorry you go through this, and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she will at least keep some of her comments and "facts of her own opinions" (lol) to herself. My goodness she should at least do it for her son. 

FaithCaitlin

This woman sounds crazy. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Honestly, I don't think talking to her is going to do anything but cause you MORE grief. I wish I had some good advice for you but I think the text you sent her was perfect. Again, so sorry she's such a witch. and good for you for working out! It's NEVER too late to start and I bet you look awesome! You go girl!

KimA85

What douchebaggery!

While I agree that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, it's possible to train it to abstain from undesirable behavior.  I would approach her with a "From one mother to another, I'd appreciate it if you abstained from disrespecting me in front of my daughter."

Here's the thing:  Your FI needs to realize that he is now a husband/father first, and his duties as a son are secondary to the health and well being of HIS family (wife and kids).  If your MIL is disrespecting you in your daughter's presence, he needs to stand by your side and do whatever is necessary, be it cutting off communication or not doing her any favors, until she learns that the way to her son and granddaughter is through a civil, if not friendly, relationship with you.

I know it sounds harsh, but do you want to spend the next 20 years like this?  Be proactive about your relationship with her now, because you'll only be able to take so many years of this kind of behavior before it turns into a really divisive feud.

mich2412

I agree with PP. Couldn't have said it any better. I am SO sorry you have to deal with this terrible woman!! All her stories shock me. This time she went too far and your text was perfect. At this point your FI needs to step in and let her know she cannot behave this way. Good luck and you are going to look and feel amazing on your big day. The best part of working out is how great it makes YOU feel and no one can take that away from you, ever!

cmp1986

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. I would say have your FMIL, FI and you sit down and talk. But I honestly think that it wouldn't change anything. I would just try and get through the next 2 months and after the wedding keep your distance from her.

RU3234

I agree with Kim. You have to seriously sit down with your Fi. I had alot of the same problems before i got married. I have now been married for 8 months and it has only gotten worse with my MIL and family. It has caused big problems with my DH because I want him to stand up for me no matter what. I am his family now and I am doing everything to convince him of that. It wont get better when you get married, only worse....Talk to him and make him see. It will cause fights and problems with you guys. THe only time my DH and I fight are over his family.