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**LONG** Calling it off

Yup my big day. I am very sad about it and I haven't told anyone or don't even know were to start. But I really think its the best I can do for my family and that over everything is the most important thing. I have a deposit on my venue which I am sure I will loose I have a deposit on my DOC and I have my florist that was nice enough to hold the day for me with out a deposit oh and I already have my dress! So its money that I would loose but at least I don't have to put more money out. My BM have bought there dresses too, but I am planning on giving them there money as we got them a good price.

I just don't know how to tell family and friends. Oh might I add I was so excited when I finished doing the my DIY STD that I have mailed those out to everyone! LOL so now what do I do?

FI and I have talked about it and he know how much I want this wedding but I just cant be selfish and think of what I want we have 3 kids and that over all is more important to me. I can always renew my vows after a few years and then have a big wedding right? Over all the most important this is that FI and I love each other and even with out the big wedding will get married and be together.

** One more last IMPORTANT thing my BM has started and sent out the invites to my Bridal shower, what can I do about that?**

Thanks for letting me vent ladies.

Re: **LONG** Calling it off

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    edited December 2011
    I am very sorry to hear that...Is there anyway you could just do something small like on the beach or in a park where you can wear your dress then maybe have a BBQ or something? You could use fake flowers. I wish you the best!
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    edited December 2011
    Is having something smaller an option? I know you may want to save your dress for something bigger and that's understandable. You're making a really difficult decision but you're totally right that you can always do something more down the road when you don't have the pressures of today.

    I'm not sure if there's etiqutte on calling guests when you need to cancel. But I was thinking if you two get married say in the courts or something you still deserve a shower. Just something to think about.

    I'm sure your fiance can help and you BMs in calling guests.

    GL hon and hugs to you for being so strong!
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    jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why can't you do something real small and just invite only inmmediate family and have a few really close friends and just do a simple dinner at a Resturant?

    Noone needs to have all that foofoo. GL
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    babytecbabytec member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh! I am so sorry to hear this!! but at the end of the day, you have to make the decision that's right for both of you. You'll need to call the guests to cancel or enlist your parents to do it for you. I think you can still have your shower if you're getting married in Court! Good Luck hon!!! we're here for you if you need to vent it out!
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    edited December 2011
    Oh honey I'm so sorry to hear that!  When it comes down to it you guys have to make the decision that's right for you both and your family.  Have you thought about downsizing it, instead of canceling it altogether? We're here for you girl!
    BabyFetus Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear that, is it possible for you to have something smaller?
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    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry that you're calling it off and losing all those deposits.

    But, you know what's best for your family.

    I wonder if one of the other girls might consider using your venue and can pay you for your deposit? Same with DOC? Maybe someone with your date?

    Again, so sorry love!!
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    Lacey36Lacey36 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    aww Im so sorry to hear about that. But like pp's said what about a real small intimate affair wedding? If that wont help, with the STD and bridal shower invites i would just say something like sorry for the inconvience but some unforseen circumstances came up and we will not be able to have the wedding day. Im sure people will understand. GL with whatever you choose.
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    questvcquestvc member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Thank you ladies for all your thoughts. FI says he knows my mom will help if we downsize i didnt know this but he says she will. lol. So i guess when I talk to her we can go from there. Thanks again ladies.

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    cinthia122cinthia122 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry to hear this, but you are completly right.  All that matter is the love the two of you have between in each and your beautiful kids.  You can have a bigger "wedding" when you are ready and renew your vows then.  GL!  Again, sorry to hear you are going through this.  It is tough.
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    bluebookbluebook member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry about this, but like OPs said, you have to do what is right for you and your FI. How about doing something small and asking the Colonnade to work with you perhaps with putting that deposit down towards a dinner at their restaurant for your closest friends/family? They obviously don't have to but perhaps they will be nice? Doesn't hurt to negotiate. See if you can get something for that deposit (maybe like a few night's stay for a mini-moon for you and your FI after you tie the knot? it really doesn't cost them too much to do that).

    Good luck!!!
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    edited December 2011

    knottie vibes for your talk with FMIL!

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    twinkle82576twinkle82576 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry to hear about this. Like PP all said, maybe something smaller? GL!
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    daphnessdaphness member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ugh i am so sorry about you having to call it off.  You know, its so difficult trying to plan a wedding in this economy, and trust me I'm sure you are not the only person that has had to do this.
    Why dont you just change the date for maybe the year after, and like everyone else said...do something smaller.
    Best of luck, and no matter what happens, you still have each other. After all, its just a paper : )
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    murrc2murrc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So orry to hear about this, but you know whats best and its better to figure out now than later.  I hope your mom will be able to help you do something smaller and knottie vibes going out to you!
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    edited December 2011
    Im really sorry to hear this.  In the end though, you have to do what is right for you and your family.  Like the other girls said, if you still want to do something, I would try to do something small.  There are soooo many options.  Do you have a clubhouse where you live or any family that does?  Most of clubhouses only want a small rental fee.  A park is also another option.  That would be awesome if your FMIL is willing to help. 

    GL!
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    edited December 2011
    You are strong and lovely and you will be a wife soon!!

    I'm so sorry but it sounds like you have a wonderful fiance standing by your side.

    I wish you the best vibes and happiness - discuss the problems with your vendors, hopefully you can get deposits back!!
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    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry! Before you give it all up, definitely consider something small for now and you can always do the big thing down the road when the time is right.

    Sending vibes to you that this gets worked out!
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    zobo410zobo410 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's not about the size of the wedding it's about the union of your love. You should be blessed to have family/friends around to share that with you. I'm sure EVERYONE will understand and you can have a wonderful park/beach something wedding. Lots of love.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    keziah27keziah27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    sorry to hear.  i'm sure everything will turn out ok.  a friend of mine had to do this so she just got married in court and ended up having her dream wedding on their 5 year anniversary!  i'm sure you don't want to put it off so long, but just know things will work out, whether you decide to make the wedding smaller now, or you decide to put it off for a while.  let us know how things turn out!
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    Ven1Ven1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the rest of the girls, if you can do something smaller, I would go that route. 
    If that's not an option, then I agree with you for not doing the wedding now. I have actually been legally married for 2 years, but didn't have the money to do a wedding back them. We decided to wait until we could save some money and even though it's been hard I think now is the best desition we've made.
    Stay strong! I know people that spent tons of money on a big wedding to get divorced in less than a year, the most important thing is that you have someone that loves you!
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    minerva0416minerva0416 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    im sorry so to  hear that< wish you the best of luck,
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    edited December 2011
    I agree w/ the girls... see if perhaps there' a way of having something smaller and more intimate.

    Either way, the most important thing is that you both are in love and have a mutual understanding :)

    Keeo you're head up! Sending you lots of knottie vibes <3
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    ayanapoohayanapooh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Awww Carolina! (((((HUGS)))))

    I'm so sorry you're going through this! And I didn't know you had 3 little ones! Well I'm glad to hear that your priorities are on your family, which is obviously most important.  But I agree with PP's, I think you can downsize to just immediate famliy and still do something really nice.  You know I always have great ideas for you (LOL) so email me if you'd like to chat.  ayanapooh at aol.com.  GL sweetie, it will all work out!!
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