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Sticky Situation.. Kinda long

SOoooooo, I have 6 girls and 2 flower girls in my wedding. One couples in the wedding have recently gone thru a breakup..... They have been married 14 yrs, 3 kids later and she decided to cheat......   BOOoooooooo

Okay so Here is my plan.... She is no longer in the wedding but he is...I have toyed with the idea of waiting till the last minute to replace her but
 I went ahead and already replaced her with my sister in law (perfect being that my brother is in the wedding). Since I and my FI are no longer speaking to her, she doesnt know she isnt in the wedding. She hasnt picked up the phone to speak to us, so Im not doing the same....
Her husband is my boy bestie, I spoke with him yesterday and He knows she is no longer in the wedding...... He shared with me that he briefly spoke with her and she asked him whats going on with the wedding. He said to her, I dunno........   Therefore, she either doesnt get it or is really dumb.... There is a chance they will reconsile before my March wedding...
   What should I do??  I know I should pick up the phone and call her.. BUT I have nothing to say to her..     What to do, What to do??
  Kelly

Re: Sticky Situation.. Kinda long

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    edited December 2011
    Ettequite wise, you DO have something to say to her - and it should go something liek this:

    "Because of reasons we're all well aware of, you are no longer a welcome guest or participant in my upcoming wedding. Please feel free to return any dresses or accessories you purchased and of course, any gift you purchased for me should be returned to the store. Thank you."

    You can either say this to her or email or snail mail it - but it IS your job to let an invited guest know that they are no longer welcome. Just pull the bandaid off and be done with it.
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    FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
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    edited December 2011
    First of all, why aren't you talking to her? Because of the cheating? Were you two friends prior to this? Next, I would NOT uninvite her to the wedding. That seems rude and uncalled for as I'm sure she won't come anyways. If you are sure you don't want her in your WP, I'd call her and let her know that your SIL wanted to be apart of the WP and given the situation, you are excusing her of her WP duties. Keep in mind that this probably won't be an easy conversation and that your relationship (whatever it was before) will probably be over. Maybe another Knottie will have a better way of wording the "you're fired" speech. Whatever you choose to say, be gentle. Who knows-- this couple may get back together and you want to remain on decent terms if they do. Plus, in my opinion, kicking her out of the WP should not be a punishment for what happened to their relationship. I'd try to hold back judgement. GL!

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    edited December 2011
    I would send her an email if she is  not responsive to the phone. I would just say as above, due to the circumstances that have come about I thnk it is best if you did not come to the wedding..
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    edited December 2011
    I think this is a really hard situation.  Are you really friends with this girl or is she your best guy friends wife who has become a friend through that?  If some chick cheated on my best guy friend (my roommate of three years before I moved in with FI was a man and I'm mad thinking of this happening to him) I know I would be 100% defensive and would probably say some things to her that were really mean.  If they got back together it may end up being an issue. So my advice (that I dont know if I would follow) would be to talk to him and really see what he thinks their chances are.  Then I would call her - Id fake some concern because if they got back together I woulnt want to 100% burn that bridge - but I would say that under the current circumstances you dont feel 100% comfortable her being in the wedding and amaybe she should hold off on the bm things like buying a dress untill she figures things out with your friend.  Or just that you think for everyones sake under the circumstances she shouldnt worry about doing the whole bm thing but that obviously if they work it out you want her to come., Id add it kinda worked perfect b/c your SIL really wanted to be a part of it - she should understand that but its still preserving something in case they do actually work it out. 
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    edited December 2011
    I would say email her if you don't want to speak with her on the phone. I agree with a few PP, don't uninvite her to the wedding just take her out of the wedding party if you want to. Hopefully nothing has been purchased yet on her part.

    I know reaching out is hard since you've obviously picked the husbands side of this divorce but it sort of has to be done because apparently she doesn't know that she isnt wanted in the party anymore.
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