Bridal shower and b party question

Karyan30

 keep in mind before you read: my whole bridal party is OTT (Chicago and Panama) and they know who each other are but they are not really friends. My mom and basically everybody is also in my country so I have done this wedding planning all on my own with great help from FI. Now, my MOH asked me months ago to let her know when i will be back home to plan the shower accordingly. I told her the date yesterday and she asks me what do I want shower or b-party? I didnt know I had to choose. She tells me whoever participates in one doesnt participates in the other.
Is that the way it works? At the beginning I said wahtever you want but I thought about it and I sent her an email today saying a prefer a shower if I have to choose bc it will be easier to involve everybody all the BM (bc they might have conflicting ideas on the b-party bc some of them like hard party and others dont) and family like aunts or family friends who might not make it to the wedding. And now im thinking that my mom really hasnt asked when im coming home for that. Knowing her im 100% she hasnt even planned on throwing me a shower. Not that any of them have done anything useful to help with the planning. I never felt more alone. I wish i didnt have MOH or BM bc their lack of involvement just hurts.. mind u, my MOH flew here for my e-party and gave me a nice gift but thats about it. i have asked for her help on trying to find things that i need cheaper but no response.

Should i get involved on the shower thing? should i say something to my mom to take part of it? I thing is too much that I have to plan my own shower, or give any input..let alone a b party i dont think thats happening at all..pls advice

Dee729

I never heard of having to choose one party over the other!  You SHOULD be able to have BOTH!

I would talk to your mother about it and see if she can have the girls all work together...

In my case...my MOH and one of my BM along with my mother were the 3 people involved in my shower...some of my other BM gave them money to help out even though they lived out-of-state and were not attending.  My MOH can't be here for my b-party, so she asked the other BM to all come together and pull it off.

if that doesn't work for you...then mom needs to step in and help!

Karyan30

so if you dont have to choose, who forks all the espenses?

Karyan30

and do the same ppl is invited to both and they bring or send gifts to both? thanks for your comments. im really frustrated with this.

Dee729

gifts are generally given at a bridal shower...your bridal shower tends to have more woman at it...the older crowd woman attend this more than your b-party.

The shower should be a collaborative effort of your BMs and mother and/or sister(s)....but anyone can assist in throwing it for you.

The b-party should also be the BMs and sister(s) or close family members.  Usually the MOH and BMs mostly.

for my shower...I did the guest list...I invited every single woman invited to the wedding, who lived LOCALLY, was invited to the shower....of course we sent invites to my out-of-town BMs...

for my b-party...just all my girlfriends and BMs....are invited.  Some may not be able to afford to stay over night and just come out for a few drinks.

My bachelorette is Labor Day weekend at the Hard Rock.

You should not expect gifts at the b-party, bonus if you do! like lingerie gifts, honeymoon stuff. 

Hope this helps somewhat.

twinkle82576

I'm not at this point in planning yet, however, not only should you have both parties, but you should also not have to plan them.

Karyan30

thanks Dee that helps a lot! at least i feel like im not crazy for being dissapointed. Being that I already told my MOH when i will be in town and that she should involve BMs (of which just one doesnt live there but Im sure she will cooperate even if she cant attend) and my mother, the ball is in the other court. If I am asked for a list, I will provide it but I am not getting involved.

Regarding the B party, since none of my BM live here, I guess I won't have one. I did had one (kind off) back in feb with some friends (one of them is one of my BM but I asked her after the fact) 2 of the people bailed out (it involved traveling), so my friend's friend eneded up going instead ( she was very cool but i literally met her there) their fly got delayed so i spent the first night by myself..we had a good time at the end but a lot went wrong and i was heavily involved in the plannig bc everybody was "busy" so it didnt really feel like it. Im actually not friends anymore with one of the girls that bailed out..she owed me for the hotel (I put the cc to guarentee the reservation!) for like 6 months..it sounds like the b party from hell!

MariposaRose

I agree, you don't have to choose, you can and should do both if you can.

I'm having a co-ed bridal shower for everyone who is invited to the wedding. Since my BMs can't afford to hos for me, I'm planning it and hosting it myself. I wasn't gonna do it, but figured why not since it's only once.

The B-part, my girls weren't sure what to do because some wanted strip club, others didn't... so I gave suggestions as to what to do, but asked them to figure it ou on their own and I'd do whatever. I didn't want to have to plan yet another party.

But the b-party should be BMs, close friends and anyone you want to party the night away with! Usually your mom and FMIL do not attend, unless they are uber cool chicks! lol

Don't stress over this, you should be able to do both and they can be simple things. Not elaborate. Just a fun time.

Good luck