LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG RANT/VENT (PIP)...am I a horrible bridezilla or just normal?

CAbiera

We're having a very small and intimate wedding.  I only have three bridesmaids - my moh, and my two little sister in laws to be.  We go dress shopping today, and my FMIL says she wants to come also since she needs a dress for a different wedding she is going to in April.  Sounds good right?  WRONG!!! 

From the moment we walked into the first bridal store for dresses, I knew we were doomed.  My FMIL asked me what my color scheme was - burgundy and champange.  She starts looking at BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES!! Then she says, I am not going to wear champange because it makes me look fat....omg!!! She wants to look like a bridesmaid?!??!!?! 

I begin to KINDLY explain that is not exactly how I would like her to look at MY wedding, the dresses she was looking at were not exactly age appropriate, nor decent.  She actually picked a dark purple, almost plum colored mermaid type dress with ruffles and a train!!!  <- seriously? 

I had to leave the store, because they attendant was even encouraging her and telling her she could wear whatever she wanted.  Okay...maybe I'm being a bridezilla, but I told her MY MOM should be dressed awesome because it's ME getting married, and that she should spend about $500 for a dress when HER daughters are getting married...but NOOOOOOO....she didn't seem to understand.

I finally left the store, looked at a few other stores, and when I showed her a sample "mother of the bride" dress, her response was...that's for older people...well how old does she think she is?!?!??!?!!  Then she came into our fitting room and started telling the girls which dresses SHE liked or did not like as if it was her decision what they were going to wear.  She even brought in these horrible looking dresses and made them try them on just so she "could see"....*sigh*

We finally made it to David's Bridal, where we were looking for dresses for the bridesmaids, and when I showed her the mother of the bride dresses, her response was, I will wear whatever I want to fit my body......(I was trying so hard to contain myself at this point)

On a side note, she is separated from her husband, and I feel that she is trying to "make him see what he's missing", but not at my expense PLEASE and definitely NOT at our wedding...The reason I say this, she made the comment, "wait until he sees me..."  She finally picked the dress shown below which upsets me because I don't even know what my own mom is wearing yet.... :c(

Am I a horrible bridezilla or just normal?  I'm happy with her selection of the dress, but I just felt as if she was stepping on my toes and rushing since she is going to use the same purchased dress for a wedding in April and then again for my wedding....

Where can I get my mom's dress now because I want her to stand out and not look like they are matching???????

herculeschloe

Its hard, because my mom did end up getting a BM dress because the MOB dresses just weren't cutting it- all looked really frumpy and old on her. But, she picked one that was very appropriate and nothing close to my BMs. But I do think she should be consulting with you more since it is your wedding. My FMIL (who I still am not sure has a dress 4 days before the wedding, but I had to stop worrying about it so I stopped asking) could have cared less what kind of dress I want to see her in. At this point, ANY dress would be an improvement from the vision I have of her wearing linen pants to the wedding! Maybe it would be easier for your FI to talk to her and explain what would be approrpriate to wear...It puts you in a tough spot!!

WeAreGs

I don't think you are being a bridezilla in wanting your colors to go together and not wanting her to dress in something that is not age appropriate or that looks bad on her, that is totally understandable. Luckily the dress she picked is both age appropriate and nice so hopefully there is no issue there....

And on that note, my mom is wearing a tight mermaid style dress that has some sort of a short train and it is eggplant-burgandyish because she has the body for it, and I actually encouraged her to do it as she looks amazing in it. No cover up either.

What I do disagree with you on is when you said, "I told her MY MOM should be dressed awesome because it's ME getting married, and that she should spend about $500 for a dress when HER daughters are getting married"... you're marrying her son, so it is important to her and spending $500 for her sons wedding is not bad... that, to me, was bridezillaish... sorry

danzigwedding

Well...since you're asking...between horrible bridezilla and normal...I'd go with horrible bridzilla. i dont see anything wrong with your FMIL picking a dress before you knowing what your mom will wear. and with her giving you her opinions on BM dresses. i can see where that would get annoying, but everoyne has an opinion. Dont let it bother you. you're going to make the final decision anyways.
I'm a pretty laid back person in general so Im sure a lot of girls will disagree, but i think theres so many other-more important things to stress about than what you're stressing about now. 
just my humble opinion

waterroxy17

I dont think you are being a bridezilla at all. You should be able to pick out what you would like your bm to wear. I think she may be venting from her seperation... possibly? I know my mother isnt going to be wearing a MOB dress because she has a great body and I dont want her to look frumpy. Hopefully that helps

Pamela718

You are NOT a bridezilla! I would've reacted the same way. I hate it when some people just dont understand how what they wear matters to the bride. I mean you're paying a lot of money for a photographer so why will you want her ruining your pictures but not dressing age appropriate. I think what she chose in the end looks fine but I undertand that getting there was like pulling teeth.
I give you props on being able to control your emotions and handling yourself well. Just remember it's going to be an amazing day no matter what your FMIL wears. If she looks silly then that will reflect on her.

Krysta6

I think the fact that you are venting here and not yelling at her makes you not a bridezilla! Its normal for us to think about these details and not like it when other people try to insert their opinion where it was not asked for. My mom will probably show up in something so not MOB material. But after caring for like the past 6 months I don't care anymore. I have bigger things to deal with now, like going over budget!

 Hang in there!

CAbiera

Thanks for your support ladies!!! I know I am a little emotional, but I think gets natural as the wedding gets closer.  You guys brought up some very good and valid points that a person who is so stressed and overwhelmed may not always think about.  I'm okay now.  Thanks so much again for all of your opinions.  I am a better bride-to-be now for it! ;c)  xxox

lgrn22

Just worry about standing out yourself. your mom and FMIL are adults and am pretty sure they can make decisions on what to wear themselves. I do like her selection and now that you know your mom can pick something completely different from it.
This whole process will be stressful and there are things you have to decide on what will get on your nerves and make you emotional. This is one to drop. I have NO clue what my FMIL is going to wear, nor do I care. My mom is stressing out and again I don't care what she wears b/c I know she will pick something appropriate. You can't micro manage everything, if she didnt come with you, you would have no idea what she would be wearing.

lmanzur

Honestly I do think your behavior is very much bridezilla.  While I agree with you about only you and your bridesmaids picking out the dresses for them to wear I also think that you are wrong in thinking that your wedding day isn’t a day for your FMIL to shine as well. You are marrying her son and it’s a special day for her too.  She wants to look her best and honestly MOB and MOG dress are awful so if she picks out something with a younger feel but it’s appropriate I don’t see a problem.  What your mother is wearing shouldn’t have anything to do with her choice at all.  This isn’t a competition. My beautiful and kind daughter in law never made me feel like a second class citizen at her wedding and neither did her mother.  I asked my DIL’s input on my dress because I value her opinion and not because I needed her to dress me.  We go shopping together often enough that I know I can trust her opinion. I consider myself very lucky that my son married such a wonderful woman.

dewreb

I will admit, I think it's very strange for brides to worry about what anyone besides themselves, their grooms, and their bridal party will wear, but I have noticed on these boards that their are definitely others who would feel the same way that you do. For me, I just don't see how what my mom or his mom is wearing affects me or my wedding. On the bright side, I think the dress she picked is nice, and I don't think that it looks too young or risque. Maybe you could ask your mom where she prefers shopping and you can start at those places, since it sounds like you don't want to go to David's Bridal.