Just Engaged and Proposals

hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING

ive been dating my fiancee an and off for  3 years. hes a solider over in iraq  defending our country. hes asked me to marry him via skype 2 weeks ago and of corse i said yes (yay!)  the problem is he wants me to do all the planning on my own and every time i ask him his oppinion on anything  he just says " what ever you want babe" its not just my wedding and i want him to be part of the prosses of planning.

he wants me to take care of all the arrangements... including the engagement party  by the time he gets state side. he told me he  doesnt want to be bothered with any of the planning  and that i should just plan it how i want to. but  i dont want him to walk in to this  huge barbie wedding ( hot pink, black, and white are the colors i want) and hate it. i want him to help when he gets back from irag but he told me he has enough to be stressed about.
any advice on what i should do?
do i just start planning it how i want to and if he hates it oh well?
do i try  to get him to help out and risk one of our war of the worlds fights?
im at a loss.
thanks  guys  so  so  so  so much in advance
xox
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Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING

  • That stinks esp if you don't have anyone else to help you. If it makes you feel any better, some guys just don't care about wedding planning that much. My FI is right here with me and I get that answer all the time when I ask him what he thinks of something or what he wants. I was upset a first, but I eventually just learned to deal with it. I hope that you have someone else like a mom or sister that could help you while he is away, but if you don't, I know what that is like too. My mom and I don't get along and my sister is wonderful, but she lives 650 miles from me so she really can't be here helping me do things. But fortunately I send her stuff via e-mail and text and ask her opinions of things. Good luck. You will make it through is.

    And do tell your FI thank you for serving this great country!
  • My FI and I have a method where he "rubber stamps" everything that I might think he would hate.  That allows me to go ahead and plan without leaning on him for any suggestions or input.  It sucks when he shoots something down (i.e. anything pink or "too girly") but you probably know what your FI likes and doesn't like so its not a suprise.  I've come to think of wedding planning as throwing a big party for us, and trying to make it the best for my FI.  That sounds so 50s housewife but oh well. 
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  • I would say to keep him in mind and do what you want. He is in Iraq!!! What color a wedding cake is is probably not on his list of "thoughts for the day" right now. I would hope that you would not make outlandish decisions so that you can later tell him that he didn't give any input. You guys have been together for 3 years. There should be things that you KNOW he is not going to like. Just don't do those things and try to do your best.
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
  • Um. You're for serious. Your FI is FIGHTING A WAR. In another country. Where there's bombs and guns and all types of craziness. And you're bothering him about wedding details?! Good gosh. I would hope you'd be a lot more concerned with him staying alive than helping you with wedding details.
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  • Well, do you expect him to do all of it seeing is in over in Iraq? Sorry. No sympathy from me.
  • Sweetie, I'm gonna tell what my fiance tells me every time I tell him that I want to know his opinion....
    'There are tree classifications for the wedding stuff in my mind, the first is something I really care about and I will try to change your mind to match mine, the second is something I do have an opinion but your opinion is more important than mine (so he won't say anything) and the third one is something I don't care about'...

    So I suggest to plan the wedding you want, but try to think about him when you plan it. I'm sure know what he likes and he doesn't like, so you  should be fine. (:
  • Do what you want. He'll love it. He wants to marry you. I'm sure he is not particular on how the wedding should be. Most guys aren't.

    As someone whose boyfriend (now fiance) was over in Iraq, I will tell you that you need to not let him be concerned with wedding details right now... at least until he is back stateside and feeling normal. When my fiance was over there, he told me not to tell him if somebody outside of his immediate family died or anything else that would take his mind off of his job. It's too much. Those guys get hardly any sleep and all they need to think about over there is doing their job. I understand it is stressful for you but take a minute and think of how stressful it must be for him.

    And I agree with most everyone else here... the bride gets all the work dumped on her no matter what!!
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'd wait until he gets home, and then plan it together.  

    Off in a war, it's pretty ridiculous to expect him to care about about wedding colors or whatever.  But if he gets home, and still won't help, he's being selfish.  Just hold off until he gets home.

    Oh, and since it is rude to throw your own engagement party, you can take that off your list of problems.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:2ff2790a-ce57-4484-ba5a-649a1e76440f">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Um. You're for serious. Your FI is FIGHTING A WAR.</strong> In another country. Where there's bombs and guns and all types of craziness. And you're bothering him about wedding details?! Good gosh. I would hope you'd be a lot more concerned with him staying alive than helping you with wedding details.
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

    I am SO glad someone else brought this up. You should be proud of your FI for risking his life to defend yours! Who cares if when he gets a chance to sit down and Skype with you he doesn't want to be bombarded with wedding plans.
  • Your wedding is nearly 3 years away. You don't need to be, nor should you be worrying about this stuff now. Let  your fiance focus on what's important - stay alive and fighting a WAR.
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  • first of all.... of  corse im worried about him in iraq. and i make sure he knows it believe me.. he has to constantly tell me to calm down and stop worring about him- "i know what im doing baby so stop worring, go be 18 and cause chaos like i know you do".... not to sound rude but i was a bit put off by some of you assumeing i dont worry about him. i worried about him when he was state side and went to what ever training camp thing he would have to go to for a week at a time.

    seccond- thank you all for calming my nerves a bit, i talked to him last night( or early this morning depending how you look at it) and he wants a milliary wedding, so the colors have shifted a bit from black and pink to navy and pink to everything would match lol. also he wants to get married next febuary instead of our orignal " right after i can leagaly drink"  wedding we already decided on, because  he gets back to the states in october and being in iraq apperently has made him want to start a family right away.  im aware thats  the bride  usually  does all the planning... but at the same time were both very strongly oppinionated and we dont nessarly agree on everything so it would be nice to have his thought on things so i feel like its OUR wedding not just mine.. idk maybe i am being a little immature about it  but i just want him to love the wedding as much as i will.

    thirdly- im not really close with any one in my family for a couple of reasons, and the only member  of my family that im close with, happens to like 600 miles away in newyork, the rest of  my family throws money at me to get me out  of there hair for a while ( no im not looking for sympathy on that i am very aware of how spoiled and to an extent lucky i am) and all my friends with the exeception of 2 are guys so i seriously doubt  theyed be any help haha.

    [QUOTE]boyfriend (now fiance) was over in Iraq, I will tell you that you need to not let him be concerned with wedding details right now... at least until he is back stateside and feeling normal. When my fiance was over there, he told me not to tell him if somebody outside of his immediate family died or anything else that would take his mind off of his job. It's too much. Those guys get hardly any sleep and all they need to think about over there is doing their job. I understand it is stressful for you but take a minute and think of how stressful it must be for him. And I agree with most everyone else here... the bride gets all the work dumped on her no matter what!!
    Posted by cowswithcoffee[/QUOTE]
    i deff understand what your saying. and thankyou <3

    [QUOTE]I'm going to have a RIDE ON LAWN MOWER CAKE TOPPER!!

    Posted by Midgetth[/QUOTE]
    hehe that made me giggle a bit.... but  i have to say thats cute :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:2ff2790a-ce57-4484-ba5a-649a1e76440f">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]Um. You're for serious. Your FI is FIGHTING A WAR. In another country. Where there's bombs and guns and all types of craziness. And you're bothering him about wedding details?! Good gosh. I would hope you'd be a lot more concerned with him staying alive than helping you with wedding details.
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]


    This!  I can not believe you are going to be a armed forces wife.  That takes sacrifice, patience and loving support of you soldier.  From your post, it doesn't sound like you posses any of these. 
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  • wow, some of you girls are just so rude... im sorry i said anything,
  • No one was rude, they were just pointing out that he is fighting a war, and has more important things to think about.
    And it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to have a baby, it doesn't always happen right away for everyone.
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  • edited May 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:6cbe61ab-5eb8-4ebf-919c-d2d854516495">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]wow, some of you girls are just so rude... im sorry i said anything,
    Posted by twigglex[/QUOTE]

    <div>Are you kidding? I don't classify any of those responses as rude. Disagreeing with you doesn't automatically mean we're rude.</div>
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  • My FI is on the couch and expects ME to do everything! 

    Seriously, that's the way most men are, they could care less less about details we, as the bride, will obsess about.   My FI has the same answer s yours, "what ever you want".  Every now and then I tease him about that being a very dangerous statement, and he could end up in a bright pink tux.   I try to plan what we both would be comfortable with, therefore he will end up with a camo vest & tie, while the other GM are in navy blue vest & ties.  My garter is camo (he has no idea abuot that one).
    He tells me he's the muscle for set up and he'll be happy with whatever I want to do.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:4daee79d-31d7-4e01-be2a-514474eced92">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING :<strong> I'd recommend going back with your waiting until you are legal to marry idea</strong>.  You have a lot of growing up to do before you get married, much less start a family.   Seriously, I'm not saying that to be mean, but because you sound immature, even for 18.  99.9% of 18 year olds are not ready for marriage, and you are not the exception.  Getting married right away would be a huge mistake.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    This. No one was being rude, they were pointing out what your first post seriously lacked: respect for the men and women fighting a war, while you worry about what flowers look best with your colors.
    My FI is in the Air Force, so I understand what your going through. But, you are comitting to a life time of a husband who might not be able to give his opinion 100% of the time. If you are worried about a small thing like this. Consider what will happen if he is deployed when you have children. Think it over.
  • cutie02girlcutie02girl member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2010
    Hey, congratulations on your engagement!!!!
    My opinion is to have a long engagement. Seriously, I'm 26 and you change sooo much between 18 and 21 and 21 and 26 and I'm sure from 26 to 30 as well.. but at least wait until you're 21. Getting married too young can make you regret and resent a lot of things. A close friend of mine thought she wanted nothing more than to be a mom and a wife.. she was dead set on it... She's now getting ready to be 26, she has a 4 year old and a husband of 5 years and she to this day says she wishes she would have waited. Hang in there, I know its really hard to hear that, especially since I think a huge majority of girls want to get married at 18 or 19. Enjoy a long engagement... and be happy that right now you have more than most do your age, a MATURE loving fiance who is doing an awesome thing for trillions of people right now! Laughing
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  • From a military perspective, a deployment changes a person and a relationship a lot. 

    My best advice is to not make the wedding scheduled immediately after he gets back.  That will let both of you make decisions on important things like starting a family when you're on solid ground together and have sorted through the re-adjustment phase successfully.

    That also allows you to do some of the planning now, but waiting for him to get back before you do some of the details.

    In direct answer to your question, try giving him "yes/no" questions rather than "what do you like" questions.  That way he can make a simple decision - military wedding or not? Pink - yes or no? Chocolate or vanilla?  Narrow things down to two things you'll be okay with, and give him the option.  That way he's involved, but it's not so taxing.  That's all most men can handle anyway, and being in a war zone definitely shifts his attention a bit.
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  • I'm an army brat, so I have a different kind of insight to provide for you.  My father was in the military, my mother was not.  The type of strength it takes to be an army wife is more than anyone ever thinks they can possibly possess, especially when there is a war involved. 

    My mom got married when she was 17 to my dad, who was already in the army.  Right when they got back from their honeymoon, they moved from the east coast all the way to the west coast.  For a month.  Then they moved to texas. For a month. Then they moved to Spain. And Austria. And Germany, where they had my sister.  Then France.  Then my mom moved back to the states with my sister while my dad went to Germany.  They're still married, but they are definitely more the exception than the rule.

    There are so many things in military family life than you can ever imagine.  Infidelity runs rampant, on both parts.

    The psyche of the military man is completely different than his civilian counterpart.  That is what basic is for, to change them.  And the war will change them even more.  I'm not saying you can't make it, but it is going to be very difficult.  From my experience, men in the military are very cut and dry and everything is in black and white.  Women tend to not work that way, we like to see things in varying different scales of gray.  You might not realize the impact that will have on you until you're stuck in the marriage. 

    Wait. Please, don't plan it for when he gets back.  If you love him and he loves you and you are meant to be together, you will be.  But the war can change people in a way that it cannot be described. Try to talk to some military wives and get advice from them. 

    Love really isn't all you need.  You're still young, you still have time, and you won't be wasting anything if you wait a little while to see how drastic the changes are when he gets back.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:aa2703aa-29a6-49e6-868e-45e702c95835">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait. Please, don't plan it for when he gets back.  If you love him and he loves you and you are meant to be together, you will be.  But the war can change people in a way that it cannot be described. Try to talk to some military wives and get advice from them.  Love really isn't all you need.  You're still young, you still have time, and you won't be wasting anything if you wait a little while to see how drastic the changes are when he gets back.
    Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]


    Exactly that.  And that you will grow, and he will grow, and hopefully you will grow together, but it's a whole lot harder to do with a baby.

    And I agree - you said a lot about 'wedding' and what he wants or doesn't want.  My guess is you're totally in love with him, and planning a wedding is one way of emotionally holding onto him.  Trust me - I never even thought the word "wedding" until my guy left for Officer Candidate School (Marine Officers training - 10 weeks, only written letters).  All of a sudden, it was like an illness - I watched bridal shows, looked at magazines, went on The Knot.  But I was 24 years old when this happened, so I realized that it might be a little bit of me missing him and could see myself marrying him someday, but not so much an indicator that we were quite ready at that moment.

    Be in love - enjoy being in love, take time together when he's back home to enjoy being young and in love.  Please, please, please don't get married right away! You can't go back and re-do the dating phase, and it's so much fun!
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  • I kinda want to take a red pen to your posts and send you back to high school. Or, keep you there a little longer, from what it sounds like.
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  • Yes he is fighting a war but he is still a human and has a life! Some people apparently don't know members of the military. 

    I would "sit down" with him and see what is really important to him. My husband was really picky about his stupid grooms cake and general colors. Other then that I had to drag things out of him. Or I would do something and he would later mention he didn't like it. 

    I would get some friends to help you with it while he is gone. Let him know it is a team effort to get married and he is part of the team. Tell him you want to help keep his mind off all the stress with the planning. Also don't forget to have FUN with it. You would me amazed at all of the ugly things out there you can make fun of. E-mail him suggestions of things and take pictures. If you can tell he actually does have an opinion about things then keep doing it. On the other hand if he seems annoyed then just make the decisions and show him later.  
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:4268099d-367b-4861-97c8-2d3ac3ad0671">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes he is fighting a war but he is still a human and has a life! Some people apparently don't know members of the military.  I would "sit down" with him and see what is really important to him. My husband was really picky about his stupid grooms cake and general colors. Other then that I had to drag things out of him. Or I would do something and he would later mention he didn't like it.  I would get some friends to help you with it while he is gone. Let him know it is a team effort to get married and he is part of the team. Tell him you want to help keep his mind off all the stress with the planning. Also don't forget to have FUN with it. You would me amazed at all of the ugly things out there you can make fun of. E-mail him suggestions of things and take pictures. If you can tell he actually does have an opinion about things then keep doing it. On the other hand if he seems annoyed then just make the decisions and show him later.  
    Posted by Jenabenna[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>If you honestly think people off fighting a war need a sit down so that they will get on board with planning a wedding that is still years away, you are the one that clearly does not know anyone in the military.  Get a grip.  

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:4268099d-367b-4861-97c8-2d3ac3ad0671">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes he is fighting a war but he is still a human and has a life! <strong>Some people apparently don't know members of the military.</strong>  I would "sit down" with him and see what is really important to him. My husband was really picky about his stupid grooms cake and general colors. Other then that I had to drag things out of him. Or I would do something and he would later mention he didn't like it.  I would get some friends to help you with it while he is gone. Let him know it is a team effort to get married and he is part of the team. Tell him you want to help keep his mind off all the stress with the planning. Also don't forget to have FUN with it. You would me amazed at all of the ugly things out there you can make fun of. E-mail him suggestions of things and take pictures. If you can tell he actually does have an opinion about things then keep doing it. On the other hand if he seems annoyed then just make the decisions and show him later.  
    Posted by Jenabenna[/QUOTE]

    Are you kidding. I think most of us that responded have experience with the military and even deployments, my FI is in the Air Force. My dad was in the Navy, cousin in the Coast Guard, brother in the Army.
    So, that's experience for you.
    And it already sounds like he is annoyed she brings it up. When I get the chance to talk to my FI, I don't bother him with wedding plans I want to know how he's doing, and just listen to his voice and vice versa.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:89bfc5c1-0d96-4a36-bb0c-8781023ffa15">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]I kinda want to take a red pen to your posts and send you back to high school. Or, keep you there a little longer, from what it sounds like.
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

    Very slow day at work, so just for sh*ts and giggles...

    <font color="#ff0000"><font color="#000000"><strong>Old</strong>:</font> <em>ive </em></font><em>been dating my <font color="#ff0000">fiancee</font> <font color="#ff0000">an</font> and <font color="#ff0000">off for  3 years</font>. <font color="#ff0000">hes</font> a solider over in iraq  defending our country. <font color="#ff0000">hes</font> asked me to marry him via skype 2 weeks ago and of <font color="#ff0000">corse</font> <font color="#ff0000">i</font> said yes <font color="#ff0000">(yay!)</font>  <font color="#ff0000">the</font> problem is he wants me to do all the planning on my own and every time <font color="#ff0000">i</font> ask him his <font color="#ff0000">oppinion</font> on <font color="#ff0000">anything  he</font> just <font color="#ff0000">says " </font><font color="#ff0000">what ever</font> you <font color="#ff0000">want babe"</font> <font color="#ff0000">its</font> not just my wedding and <font color="#ff0000">i</font> want him to be part of the <font color="#ff0000">prosses </font>of planning. <font color="#ff0000">he</font> wants me to take care of all the <font color="#ff0000">arrangements... including</font> the engagement <font color="#ff0000">party  by the time</font> he gets state side. <font color="#ff0000">he </font>told me <font color="#ff0000">he  doesnt</font> want to be bothered with any of the <font color="#ff0000">planning  and</font> that <font color="#ff0000">i</font> should just plan it how<font color="#ff0000"> i</font> want to. but <font color="#ff0000"> i</font> <font color="#ff0000">dont</font> want him to walk in to <font color="#ff0000">this  huge</font> <font color="#ff0000">barbie</font> wedding ( hot pink, black, and white are the colors<font color="#ff0000"> i</font> want) and hate it. <font color="#ff0000">i </font>want him to help when he gets back from <font color="#ff0000">irag</font> <font color="#ff0000">but</font> he told me he has enough to be stressed about.
    any advice on what i should do? <font color="#ff0000">do i just</font> start planning it how<font color="#ff0000"> i</font> want to <font color="#ff0000">and if</font> he hates <font color="#ff0000">it oh</font> well?  <font color="#ff0000">do</font><font color="#ff0000"> i</font> try  to get him to help out and risk one of our war of the worlds fights?i<font color="#ff0000">m</font> at a loss. <font color="#ff0000">thanks</font>  guys  </em><em><font color="#ff0000">so  so  so  so much in advance </font>xox
    </em>
    <strong>New: </strong>I have been dating my fiance on and off for 3 years. He's a soldier over in Iraq, defending our country. He asked me to marry him via Skype two weeks ago, and, of course, I said yes (yay!).  The problem is that he wants me to do all the planning on my own; every time I ask him his oppinion on anything, he just says, "whatever you want, babe." Its not just my wedding, and I want him to be part of the process of planning. He wants me to take care of all the arrangements, including the engagement party, which he would like to have by the time he gets stateside. He told me he doesn't want to be bothered with any of the planning and that I should just plan it how I want to. However, I don't want him to walk in to this  huge Barbie wedding (hot pink, black, and white are the colors I want) and hate it. I want him to help when he gets back from Iraq, but he told me he has enough to be stressed about. Any advice on what I should do? Do I just start planning it how I want to, and if he hates it, oh well? Do I try to get him to help out and risk one of our war of the worlds fights? I am at a loss. Thank you very much in advance.

    <em><strong>OLD: </strong><font color="#ff0000">first of all....</font> of  <font color="#ff0000">corse</font> <font color="#ff0000">im</font> worried about him in <font color="#ff0000">iraq</font>. <font color="#ff0000">and i make</font> sure he knows <font color="#ff0000">it believe</font> <font color="#ff0000">me.. he</font> has to constantly tell me to calm down and stop <font color="#ff0000">worring</font> about <font color="#ff0000">him- "i </font>know what <font color="#ff0000">im</font> doing baby so stop <font color="#ff0000">worring</font>, go be 18 and cause chaos like <font color="#ff0000">i</font> know you <font color="#ff0000">do".... not</font> to sound <font color="#ff0000">rude but</font><font color="#ff0000"> i</font> was a bit put off by some of you <font color="#ff0000">assumeing</font><font color="#ff0000"> i dont</font> worry about him. <font color="#ff0000">i</font> worried about him when he was <font color="#ff0000">state side</font> and went to <font color="#ff0000">what ever</font> training camp <font color="#ff0000">thing</font> he would have to go to for a week at a time. <font color="#ff0000">seccond-</font> thank you all for calming my nerves a <font color="#ff0000">bit, i</font> talked to him last <font color="#ff0000">night( or</font> early this <font color="#ff0000">morning depending</font> how you look at it) <font color="#ff0000">and he</font> wants a <font color="#ff0000">milliary</font> wedding, so the colors have shifted a bit from black and pink to navy and pink<font color="#ff0000"> to</font> everything would <font color="#ff0000">match lol.</font> <font color="#ff0000">also he</font> wants to get married next <font color="#ff0000">febuary</font> instead of our <font color="#ff0000">orignal</font> " right after <font color="#ff0000">i</font> can <font color="#ff0000">leagaly</font> drink"  wedding we <font color="#ff0000">already</font> decided on, <font color="#ff0000">because  he</font> gets back to the <font color="#ff0000">states</font> in <font color="#ff0000">october</font> and being in <font color="#ff0000">iraq</font> apperently has made him want to start a family right away.  <font color="#ff0000">im </font>aware <font color="#ff0000">thats  the</font> <font color="#ff0000">bride  </font><font color="#ff0000">usually  does all</font> the planning... but at the same time <font color="#ff0000">were</font> both very strongly <font color="#ff0000">oppinionated</font> and we <font color="#ff0000">dont</font> <font color="#ff0000">nessarly</font> agree on <font color="#ff0000">everything so</font> it would be nice to have his <font color="#ff0000">thought</font> on things so i feel like its OUR <font color="#ff0000">wedding not just</font> mine.. <font color="#ff0000">idk</font> maybe<font color="#ff0000"> i</font> am being a little immature about <font color="#ff0000">it  but</font> i just want him to love the wedding as much as i will. <font color="#ff0000">thirdly</font>- <font color="#ff0000">im</font> not really close with any one in my family for a couple of reasons, and the only <font color="#ff0000">member  of</font> my family that <font color="#ff0000">im</font> close <font color="#ff0000">with, happens</font> to <font color="#ff0000">like</font> 600 miles away in <font color="#ff0000">newyork</font>,<font color="#ff0000"> the</font> rest of  my family throws money at me to get me<font color="#ff0000"> out  of</font> <font color="#ff0000">there</font> hair for a while <font color="#ff0000">( no im</font> not looking for sympathy on <font color="#ff0000">that i am</font> very aware of how spoiled <font color="#ff0000">and to</font> an <font color="#ff0000">extent lucky</font> i am)<font color="#ff0000"> and all</font> my friends with the <font color="#ff0000">exeception</font><font color="#ff0000"> of 2</font> are <font color="#ff0000">guys so i</font> seriously doubt <font color="#ff0000"> theyed</font> <font color="#ff0000">be any</font> help <font color="#ff0000">haha</font>.
    </em>
    <strong>NEW: </strong>First, of course I'm worried about him being in Iraq. I make sure he knows it, believe me. He has to constantly tell me to calm down and stop worring about him - "I know what I'm doing, baby. Stop worrying, go be 18 and cause chaos, like I know you do." Not to sound rude, but I was a bit put off by some of you assuming I don't worry about him. I worried about him when he was stateside and went to whatever training camp he would have to go to for a week at a time. Second, thank you all for calming my nerves a bit. I talked to him last night (or early this morning, depending how you look at it).  He wants a military wedding, so the colors have shifted from black and pink to navy and pink so that everything would match. Also, he wants to get married next February, instead of our original  "right after I can legally drink"  wedding we had originally decided upon. He gets back to the States in October and being in Iraq apperently has made him want to start a family right away.  I'm aware that the bride usually does all the planning. However, we are both very highly opinionated and we don't necessarily agree on everything, so it would be nice to have his thoughts on things so that I feel like it's OUR wedding, not just mine. I don't know...maybe I am being a little immature about it, but I just want him to love the wedding as much as I will. Third, I am not really close with anyone in my family for several reasons. The only member of my family that I am close with lives 600 miles away in New York. The rest of my family throws money at me to get me out of their hair for a while (no, I'm not looking for sympathy on that; I am very aware of how spoiled and, to some extent, lucky I am). All my friends, with the exeception of two, are male, so I seriously doubt  they would be of any help.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:4268099d-367b-4861-97c8-2d3ac3ad0671">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes he is fighting a war but he is still a human and has a life! Some people apparently don't know members of the military.  I would "sit down" with him and see what is really important to him. My husband was really picky about his stupid grooms cake and general colors. Other then that I had to drag things out of him. Or I would do something and he would later mention he didn't like it.  I would get some friends to help you with it while he is gone. Let him know it is a team effort to get married and he is part of the team. Tell him you want to help keep his mind off all the stress with the planning. Also don't forget to have FUN with it. You would me amazed at all of the ugly things out there you can make fun of. E-mail him suggestions of things and take pictures. If you can tell he actually does have an opinion about things then keep doing it. On the other hand if he seems annoyed then just make the decisions and show him later.  
    Posted by Jenabenna[/QUOTE]

    ::facepalm::

    1) My grandfather is a WWII vet. My uncle was a naval officer for 30 years. I have several friends who have fought in Afghanistan and Iraq, including one who was killed in action. Your assumptions = FAIL.

    2) She absolutely needs to sit down with him and decide what's important - ie. when they want to have kids, how many, who will work and who will be responsible for childcare, what kind of careers they want to pursue, etc. <strong>The important sh*t.</strong> Because in the great big scheme of things, grooms cakes and linens colors amount to jack squat when it comes to a marriage.

    3) She should not need to be planning a marriage and babies at the age of 18 when neither her life or her fiance's life (in terms of careers, living situations, education, etc.) appears to have any degree of stability. What happens if she does go through with this plan that she has (which is apparently a "better" option than basing a marriage start date on when they can legally get smashed at their wedding)  and he is killed overseas. She is then an 18 year old widow with a baby, and no way to raise it.

    4) According to her original post, he's made it very clear that he has zero desire to help plan a wedding from a warzone, because he "has enough to be stressed about." I would imagine trying to stay alive in a warzone would be higher on his list of priorities than napkin rings and favor boxes.

    Seriously, take a step back, take a deep breath, and <em>wait.</em> If you guys are really meant to be together, waiting 3-4 years for his and your life to gain some financial stability and independence will only strengthen your marriage, not weaken it.

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  • Oh oceana. You used red and everything. You now have my heart.
    image
    (Married)meganandshane.weebly.com~
    (Planning)shaneandmegan.weebly.com
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_hes-iraq-expects-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:0a661cc9-001a-4532-b740-e5a2f97eae3bPost:cb4cedeb-0f90-45e5-808c-340d1d4e3342">Re: hes in iraq and expects me to do EVERYTHING</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh oceana. You used red and everything. You now have my heart.
    Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

    Eh, I aim to please. :)

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    "Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons

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  • Oh, JenaBennaBananaNannaFoFennaMeMiMoMennaJena

    All I have to say to you is pffffft Tongue out />:|
    Anniversary
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