Just Engaged and Proposals

engaged to be engaged? Its an Indian thing...

So, I'm completely North American (grew up in both Canada and the States) but with an Indian background, and my boyfriend was born and brought up in India.

We've talked about marriage, and we know w're getting married. In Indian culture the parents kinda meet the other parents, take a look at the proppective bride-grrom, see if the familes are compatible, give the couple their blessing, and the families proceed to pick a wedding date.

My bf's family has already come over to my house, just for a chat. This week, we go over to the bf's house - it is established that we will be engaged by the end of that meeting. I thought I would be super excited about the engagement, but I'm not. I think its cause being brought up here, I always wanted the guy to surprise me one weekend, get down on one knee and propose. I guess I'm feeling disappointed.

I should be happy - but I really wanted a proposal. I know other Indian couples where they were engaged through the family, and then the fiancee took the girl out and proposed with a ring and all (or they proposed, and then had the families meet), but those fiancees were Indians brought up HERE, so they understood how important asking was. I'm not sure my bf understands that this is important to me, even though I've brought it up.

Sorry for the long post - I do love my boyfriend, and I very much want to marry him. I dont' want to sound like a whiny nit. I know in the end, its important that he too wants to be with me, and we're takig the steps to marriage. 

Re: engaged to be engaged? Its an Indian thing...

  • You don't sound like a whiny nit, you sound like a girl who deeply values and respects her Indian culture, but who was brought up in America/Canada.  This is your way of life, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your western-style proposal.  Do you know for definite that your boyfriend is not planning something like this?  Have you been very clear about your wishes when discussing it with him?  Or has it been more like, "Oh, this is what so-and-so did and it was so nice!"  Because if he knows how important this is to you, he should respect that.
  • I'm with the PP. Talk to him and tell him this matters to you :)

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  • I agree with the others...talk to him and make it clear how important this issue is for you.  I'm American and my FI is Indian- I told him how important it was to me to be proposed to and surprised.  My FI made sure to propose before our families met for the engagement ceremony. 
  • I completely understand what you're going through. I too am engaged to be engaged and my boyfriend is Indian. It's obvious that you love him very much. I would express to him the importance of a proposal and ring and what it signifies to you and the people who love you. I too have to do the same, because my bf doesn't really understand. I imagine he will be happy to hear you out and as long as he loves you the way you love him (which I'm sure he does) he will do it for you :) I wish you the very best!!
  • Thanks for the advice - I've let him know, and I think he understands now. It's funny planning for the wedding, almost having the dates finalized, and almost having the pre-engagement ceremony planned , but not being engaged :). I've gotten super excited cause we should know the wedding date by next Wednesday, and the dates we want are available at the gurudwara :)
  • Oh awesome! Many congrats! I hope now that he understands you two could perhaps shop for a ring together! That's great you're going to know your wedding date soon :)
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