Just Engaged and Proposals

Help! Ring Problems!!

Ok, technically I'm not newly engaged, its been about five months and the wedding is only a month away, but since its about the ring, I figured I'd ask here.
I'm not sure how I feel about the ring he got me. He insisted on picking it out himself and having it be a surprise. And I always told him I'd like what ever he got me, figuring he knew what my prefences were and just because I love him so very much. However he the ring he got me is really not working out. It's not an engagement ring, its a birthstone ring. So we cannot find any bands that fit with it at all. They can't even make one to custom fit it because it's so odd. And then it's gold, which I can't stand. But I don't want to hurt his feelings! He was so proud that he got my birthstone and that he was able to pay for it on his own (this was before he got his job). But everytime I look down at my finger, I don't feel happy about it at all, it just feels out of place. It's soo not me. I've been wearing it for a couple months now, hoping it would grow on me, but really it's only gotten worse.
 Should I tell him? I feel so selfish and silly, after all its just a ring, right? But ifs that's true then why do I feel so bad about it? Help!
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Re: Help! Ring Problems!!

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    My problem with this whole post is that you lied to him for 5 months about it. If you didn't like it then you should have told him at the beginning. If you post a pic people might be able to find a band that would match it. IMO you missed the boat on telling him and should appreciate that you got a ring and that he loves you. After all its what the ring represents that is important. I suppose after the wedding you could choose to wear just your wedding band.

  • My advise is to keep the ring for sentimental reasons and wear it on your right hand...since you cant match a band with it. Then choose the wedding ring for your left hand. Good luck:)
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  • Ditto what AJF said.  Wear the birthstone ring on your right hand and get a wedding ring for your left.  You can also get a bridal set if you what a traditional looking engagement ring/ wedding ring combo.
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  • If your e-ring is yellow gold, you could always have it dipped so it would be white gold.

    As for not liking it?  Why didn't you tell your FI?  I think your first mistake was thinking he would "just know" what to get you.  My FI asked me the type of metal I wanted, the shape of stone I wanted, and even if I'd want side-stones.  He got everything right because he knew what I wanted and would like best.

    I agree with PPs.  Just wear your e-ring on your right hand and get whatever wedding band you like.
  • Agree with PP.  Be honest with him, wear the ring on your right hand and get a band for left.
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  • I like the idea of wearing it on the left hand!  Just tell him and explain it took you so long bc you were so afraid of hurting his feelings.  It's a tough call but in the end it will work out!
  • You need to tell him you don't like and want a different ring.  In your marriage you will have many things, harder than this, that you will have to tell, but won't want too. 
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  • I have the same problem.  I know he's proposing soon- we've set a date and he just wants the chance to surprise me because I've spoiled the proposal twice by saying, "oh this would be such a great place to propose" but now I know he's planning on giving me his mother's ring!  He had already given me a budget so I could look and tell him some styles that I liked.  I found my dream ring at my jeweler and it was within the budget, so I got my hopes set on that.  His mother's ring is nice, but it's a quarter the size of the ring I picked out and a shape that I've told him in the past I hate!  Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he just says. "It shouldn't be about the ring."  I know it's not but I think all the girls out there can agree with me that the ring is something you should love, not not even want to wear.

  • My engagement ring was a birthstone ring (emeralds with diamonds; my birthstone is emerald and his is diamond) and it was his mother's, AND it is yellow gold. 

    And I love it because he picked it himself and because it was his mother's. Also I like it because it is different. And I found a band to match it perfectly. 

    If I didn't like it I would have a hard time telling him, but I would have to because I would never be happy with it and wouldn't be able to lie to him. 

    Many women move their engagement ring to their right hand (or even put it on a necklace) when they get married and just wear their band. If you are ok with that, maybe you should do that and get the kind of band you really want. 

    Also, remember why you are doing this. The important thing is being with the one you love. 
  • I do think you should be honest with him. It's essential to your future marriage. But, I also think that asking for another engagement ring after so much time has passed is just not right. I agree with above posters - pick out a wedding band YOU love and wear that one. You don't have to wear your e-ring every day - many women just wear their wedding bands. Or having it dipped in white gold is a great idea - I know Zales does it. That way, you can wear it on your right hand and your wedding band on your left. It's unfortunate that you don't like it - just try to remind yourself that you have a man that loves you and wants to marry you. :-)
  • Don't think about it so much, focus on whats really important. The two of you and the rest of your lives together. The most important ring is the one he puts on your finger when you say "i do"......
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