Overreacting or Underreacting?

achlys21

My  boyfriend of four years proposed yesterday morning (!) and of course we were super excited to tell our family. Naturally, since he proposed at 7 AM, we had to wait. We both agreed to call our respective families around noon or so. I did, but I didn't realize that he didn't (he got caught up at work and didn't have the time, as I found out later).He called his parents that night, around 8 PM (when his dad gets off work) and thought that his brother and sister-in-law would be sleeping, so he made plans to call them today instead.Here's the thing: I posted on Facebook that afternoon that we were engaged, and his sister-in-law saw it before my fiance had a chance to call. So she called my fiance's mom and told her what she saw on Facebook (thankfully, after we had told his parents), and was upset that not only had we not called, but we hadn't asked the brother to be the best man yet (as my fiance was for him when he got married). I think she should calm down and that it's not as big a deal as she's making it out to be.My fiance thinks that I shouldn't have said anything on Facebook until we had told everyone (in my defense, I thought that he had). I think the sister-in-law is overreacting (the brothers are not very close). My fiance thinks I'm underreacting, because it's "family". So now I'm confused and upset and I don't know what to do and I've only been engaged a day.

awed81

You should not have posted on facebook until all important parties had been told. I think he has a right to be upset with you. Especially if you posted it on facebook before he had even told his parents. You should have checked with him to make sure his loved ones were told the exciting news, not just yours. I'm sure you just got carried away with the all the excitement, but if I were you, I would apologize.

my2geldings

I agree you should have made sure everyone had been called, tho I can only imagine how excited you must have been to change your status. I guess I come from a different background, but I don't see what is truly worth getting mad over. After explaining to her how it all happened, there is no reason she should be still upset. This is your moment, it was a mistake-no need to make anyone upset over something so silly.

am8511

First off Congrats! You should of waited to post anything on Facebook or least check with your fiance if he told his family or not. I could see why is family is a little upset about it but it is done and over with now and they should just be excited for the both of you. Don't be stressed and upset yet, trust me it is no fun. I have been engaged for 2 weeks now and I was stressed out the first 3 days but it isn't worth it bc there will be plenty of time later to be stressed and upset later. Enjoy your engagement and this whole thing should blow over eventually.

futuremisses710

I do agree that you shouldn't have posted anything on Facebook until all family members had been told, however I do understand that you thought that had been taken care of already.  Lesson of the day: communication is key   But, live and learn.  I honestly wouldn't get too stressed out about it.  Just explain to your fiance's brother and his wife about what happened, and how you didn't plan on them finding out through Facebook and all, and hopefully they will be big boys and girls and realize that it wasn't intentionally and everybody is happy   It will all blow over soon, hopefully, so just concentrate on your engagement and all of the planning ahead of you.  Good luck with everything, and congratulations!

Archel

Oh come on guys, it's Facebook!  I don't think it's a big deal AT ALL. I posted my engagement on facebook the night it happened - before I even called my mom or anyone. I was just so thrilled and wanted to tell the world how it happened - shout it from the rooftops if I could. And that's how it should be!  This is the way the new generation shares information - through online social networking sites. Of course I called family later to tell them the whole story (and also, my family is not on facebook). But even having my friends find out on facebook I think is perfectly fine.You did nothing wrong. You don't need to appologize. It's facebook, for crying out loud.

coleandalexia2010

Now hold on, Awed, OP said she thought he had called at the time he was supposed to. In her eyes, she thought her FI had done his work, notified HIS family and all was well. It seems to me as if he should be the one apologizing for causing all this unnecessary drama. Now, achlys, I think that you were super excited (as anyone would be) and I don't think that you should have to wait to see if every single person should be notified before you announce your happy news to YOUR friends on YOUR personal webpage! I would give it a rest, let people get over themselves, and carry on! Cheers & Congrats, btw.

dsouldiva

I agree with Stage, FSIL is an idiot for being mad about the whole Best Man thing, you've been engaged A DAY!  This is definitely one to leave with your FI, he needs to put his foot down on this matter and tell everyone to "chill out" and that you haven't even set a date let alone started discussing Wedding party members.Apologise for the upset caused by facebook but be sure to explain it was a misunderstanding, you thought they already knew or you wouldn't have done it, a simple phone call should sort this out.  I don't think you need to crawl across broken glass or anything!

REM2008

First, let me say CONGRATS! Second, It was a simple mistake and people need to calm down.   You thought your FI had already called them.  They'll get over it.  There's more important things in life to worry about than something so petty.

whiteangel97

I think everything FSIL did was incrdeibly wrong.1. She has no right to get mad that your fiance didn't ask her husband to be the best man after a day of being engaged; that's crazy.2. She doesn't have the right to assume he will ask his brother anyways! He may already want his brother as his best man, but that shouldn't be ASSUMED.3. If she saw your engagement on Facebook, she should have called you or your fiance! Why on earth would she call their mother unless she was looking to stir up trouble. No good could have come from that phone call to their mother. Either the mother knew (as she did) and FSIL gets ticked off or the mother didn't know and everyone gets mad. Not to mention, she would have ruined the surprise for the parents also. I'm surprised she isn't mad at the mother for knowing about the engagement and not telling her!4. I feel she is overreacting. If I found out my brother was engaged on Facebook, I'd be calling him up to say "congratulations!" not "Why wasn't I notified first?!"I don't feel you should have to apologize for posting on Facebook at all. If you feel the need to say something, just tell what happened. You two were being considerate enough to not wake them up when you thought they were sleeping.

adlipmann

This is the problem with social networking - wonderful that EVERYONE you know can find out your exciting news in two seconds and trouble that EVERYONE you know can find out your exciting news in two seconds! The main thing is to try to be balanced - you don't want either family to feel more or less important to you as a couple.I would just apologize and plead over-excitement.Congrats!

lilcassers

All I see from these posts is "you should have" sweetie... just apologize for hurting their feelings but not for your actions. I see nothing wrong with sharing your excitement with your friends via facebook, I did the same thing. No one is better than anyone else and needs to know before your friends do. It is your choice who you should tell. I texted all my close girlfriends before I went and told family... that is just who I am closer with and I can't help that!

classyladie76

I got engaged this past weekend and tried calling both of my parents, neither of which called me back until 5+ hours later. By then I had already posted it on FB and the whole world knew except for them. But I did clear it with my fiance first, because he hadn't told his parents either. FB is a sticky situation, but if you honestly thought he already called, don't feel bad about it, it was an honest mistake, there is no need to cry over spilled milk; as long as he is able to forgive you, and as for the fam, hopefully they'll extend their forgiveness too.