Just Engaged and Proposals

Is your father 'Giving you

OK, so of course ALL the ladies at my church who all LOVE my FI are stoked about the wedding...and in a conversation the other night, the idea of the bride's father giving her away came up...Now I want me dad to just walk me up the aisle, give me a peck, and sit down...not actually do that "Who Gives this Woman to be married?!" like i'm a piece of property in 1864!!!! Does anyone else agreet there is a difference between walking you down the aisle, and giving you away?!
imageimageVacation Till our honeymoon!!!

Re: Is your father 'Giving you

  • Personally, I love the idea of my father giving me away. To me it symbolizes the fact that everyone, including my parents, are acknowledging the fact that I am embarking upon a new life with my husband as my closest family, not them. It is the formal moment when I start my own family. I love that.

  • Heck no! I absolutely adore my father, but unlike centuries ago I do not consider myself property to be given away. With less than 3 months until I get married I have learned it is important to create the wedding you want with traditions that matter to you. Please don't do something just because it's a tradition or because you think it's expected. Your father can still walk you down the aisle and your families can be asked who supports this woman or something along those lines if you want to incorporate them in some way. Good luck!
  • My MOM will be walking me down the aisle, kissing my cheek, and taking her seat. I'm not a huge feminist or anything (in fact, some might even call me anti-feminist, in some respcts), but I live alone, take care of myself, and am giving MYSELF away. I respect my mother and the part she has had in my life, and to me, her walking me down the aisle is her giving us her blessing, but that's it.
  • I don't think one way is more right or wrong than the other. Just do whatever suits you but don't judge those who do it differently because you don't know their reasonings or what it means to them.


  • I was in the same boat.  The giving away tradition comes from a time when the woman was her father's property until she married, and then became her husband's property.  It was a symbol of passing over that ownership.  I was not my father's property or ward, and giving me away would have been wrong.  My dad walked me down the aisle, placed my hand on my husbands, gave us both a hug, and sat down.  In the program, I noted that he was escorting me down the aisle.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_father-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:13ec81c1-c2a4-4f55-b7da-73551b761ac3Post:ed9cc515-6919-40f7-bc03-89fa42e8337e">Re: Is your father 'Giving you</a>:
    [QUOTE]Personally, I love the idea of my father giving me away. To me it symbolizes the fact that everyone, including my parents, are acknowledging the fact that I am embarking upon a new life with my husband as my closest family, not them. It is the formal moment when I start my own family. I love that.
    Posted by penguingal06[/QUOTE]

    Exactly this.
    imageimage
  • Some people say who presents rather than who gives. In our church the question isn't asked because then it assumes that FI and I wouldn't be entering into the marriage freely of our own will. But if it were asked it wouldn't bother me. I know what it used to mean, but I know that nobody in my family views me as property being transferred.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_father-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:13ec81c1-c2a4-4f55-b7da-73551b761ac3Post:c31680ae-104b-4fa4-88bc-cc727c01fcaa">Re: Is your father 'Giving you</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was in the same boat.  The giving away tradition comes from a time when the woman was her father's property until she married, and then became her husband's property.  It was a symbol of passing over that ownership.  I was not my father's property or ward, and giving me away would have been wrong.  My dad walked me down the aisle, placed my hand on my husbands, gave us both a hug, and sat down.  In the program, I noted that he was escorting me down the aisle.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]


    I like this idea...i actually asked my father what he thought and he had the same idea.  Sounds perfect to me<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
    imageimageVacation Till our honeymoon!!!
  • I am also having my mother give me away. My father was around but wasnt involved very much in my life ( their divorced) and I live out of state and my mom and I are best friends and my dad has never even visited. I thought about what other people were going to think since its not traditional but I know its my wedding and shes whats important in my life. I think you should do what you want to do since it is your day :o) and if you dont want him to" give you away" I think that you should just do what you said and have them kiss you and sit down. Make the ceremony your own! Good luck!
  • We are doing who presents too.  I am 31 and have lived with FI for three years.  My father is not giving me away. 
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  • I found vows that say something like :
    "Others would ask, at this time, who gives the bride in marriage, but, as a woman is not property to be bought and sold, given and taken, I ask simply if she comes of her own will and if she has her family's blessing.

    Bride, is it true that you come of your own free will and accord?

    [BRIDE] Yes, it is true.

    [PRIEST] With whom do you come and whose blessings accompany you.

    [FATHER] She comes with me, her father, and is accompanied by all of her family's blessings.

    I really liked this!

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  • Mine will. This is my second wedding. For my first one, both parents (mom and stepfather...biodad was uninvolved, to put it nicely) walked me down the aisle. This time around I was going to walk it solo, but it seems to be very important to FI to see me come down the aisle on my dad's (and again, I do mean my stepdad's) arm. He's not asking for a whole lot, so I'm happy to do this for him.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_father-giving?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:13ec81c1-c2a4-4f55-b7da-73551b761ac3Post:26c4295b-b370-409e-ba65-8250e3ecca7e">Re: Is your father 'Giving you</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are doing who presents too.  I am 31 and have lived with FI for three years.  My father is not giving me away. 
    Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]
    Same here.  I'm in my 30s, have a home and have been on my own for over a decade.

    It would have felt appropriate when I was 22, in grad school, and still being supported by my parents, but it doesn't feel quite right now.

    I haven't really figured out exactly what I'm going to do.
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