Family meet up dinner question (longish)

desertsun

My FI and I want to take advantage of having families in the same town for the holidays and plan a dinner for our families to meet for the first time (just got engaged this week).

Both families together will be about 20 people. We definitely do not have space in our apartment to host an event like this, so we're looking into restaurants that can reserve a private or semi-private area.

My question is: I think we're probably supposed to pay if we're setting things up, b/c that makes us the hosts, right? But my FI is going back to school in January, and we're expecting money to be tight for a little while, so it would be great if our families chipped in. I just don't know if it's okay to ask. Really, I expect people would offer to pay at the time, but it can be such a hassle trying to figure out seperate checks in these situations, and I'd like to avoid money tension at the first meeting.

So, should I just expect FI and I to pay? Should we tell the fams ahead of time that is the plan? Or should we just insist on picking up the tab at the time? Or should we ask the fams to each contribute an equal amount?

It's been a long day, and my brain is having trouble not only making decisions but also being concise. (sorry).

Advice?

CN: Should FI and I foot the bill when our families gather at a restaurant to meet each other?

DanielleD7782

I think you guys should offer to pay. There is a pretty good chance that your families will offer to pitch in. Unfortunately, I think you should try to pay since they are the reason they are all coming together. Do they all live in town?  I would say try to find a nice restaurant that doesn't charge a rental fee and will be reasonable....and ask for cash as holiday gifts!

My FI and I are having both of our families to our house on Christmas and aren't asking anyone to contribute to costs. Theres a VERY good chance his/my mom will either offer or just bring something.

pandasquishy

Yes, you are hosting the dinner so you should not only expect to pay, you should pay.

arixana

Why not try to have the function at your place? May not be 20 chairs, but 20 people isn't a lot even in a small apartment. Rent/borrow some fold out chairs. Cook a nice dinner. Might be cozy, but aside from being more cost effective, you'll get a chance to show off your own personality at your place.

lyndausvi

if you invite them to a restaurant, then yes you need to pay.  As a server I would HATE you if I had to spilt the checks up for that many people.  In some restaurants do not even let you with that many people. 

I agree just have them at the apartment.  Growing up we always went over to my grandma's tiny apartment.  At any given time there would be 30 plus of us.  We always managed quite fine and they are some of my fonest memories.


Some things to consider.  Have it as an open house.  That way people are coming and going.  Everyone might not be there the whole time together and that is okay.  it's also hard to get everyone schedules to coordinate around the holidays.  So people can just pop in and out without commiting to a whole evening.

Setup the food on a side table or even in the kitchen counter.  Yes I'm sure you want to be all Marth's Sewart and stuff.  While nice, people care about the company more than that stuff.

Get extra tables or chairs if you want and think outside the box.  You can move furniture and put extra tables in the living room.  Athough we rarely did that because we always had to have a football game on and people prefered to sit on the sofa or the floor.  those who were not into the game sat at the table.  It always seems to work out fine for us.

desertsun

Thank you everyone for your advice!

I would LOVE to be able to host an open house at our apartment. Unfortunately, my grandmother is wheelchair bound and the apartment is not handicap accessible, so we have to pick a location that she can get to. Sorry, important detail I neglected to share in my OP.

None of the in-town relatives offered to host and we didn't want to impose by asking. In addition to which, we didn't want anyone to have a "home court" advantage.

So, restaurant seems to be the only option.

We will plan to pay for the dinner. It would def. have helped not to have to foot the entire bill, but we want to make sure we're being polite and doing things properly. It was probably tacky of me to even ask.

Thanks again for the help!

cvl105

Neither of your parents lives locally?  IMO, it's your parents, you should be able to just straight out ask them.  No need to feel bad asking your parents to host. But again, that's my opinion.

Another thing to think of is to just have your parents meet another time. There is no need for extended families to meet, IMO.  Have your parents visit another time and just have a simple dinner at your apartment. Christmas may not be the best time for this since of course you went to spend it with extended family as well. 

MNVegas

If you are hosting than it is your responsibility to pay. How long will both sets of parents be in town? Is there any way you could pick a night while they are in town for just the 6 of you? That way they can meet but it will also cut down on your expenses. Another idea is to host a luncheon for everyone, which should also be less expensive. You may get lucky and parents may offer to chip in, but I would not expect or ask them to.  Be sure to plan something that is affordable for you. GL.