Engaged a week and already my mother is trying to take control.

Faerieseana

Hi everyone, and Happy Friday.  Okay, here's my issue.
I got engaged last Saturday (I am SO HAPPY!!!) and my mom and I were talking about who I was going to select as my bridesmaids.  I have a friend who is in her 50s.  We were very close a few years ago, but the relationship has kind of dwindled.  I mentioned to my mom that if this woman and I were still tight, I would have asked her to be one of my attendants.  She told me that this person is too old.  We got into a slightly heated argument about it.  Her arguments being: she probably wouldn't feel comfortable, my attendants should all be my age, the dresses would be inappropriate, etc.  I argued back:  my attendants should be women who are important in my life, regardless of their age.  Has anyone else had this argument, or others, where your mom is trying to make your decisions for you?  How do you react?  Thank you so much for any advice you can give me!!!

future-mrs

Try to remember your mom is going to want to get involved, this is an important time for her too.  Try to compromise with her on what you can and when you don't want something she does, be polite and respectful.  You don't want to be arguing with your mom during all of this because you'll look back and definitely regret it later on.

Faerieseana

Thank you very much for the advice!!!!  I'm hoping that as things move forward we won't butt heads so much.  There is so much that we still have to do, and the last thing I want is to be at odds with anyone, let alone my mom.  It's also nice to know that I'm not alone in this boat!!

HobokensFury

I'm having mom issues too.  Both of our mom are trying to be control freaks to the point where they have said they're not comming to the wedding.  At first I got really upset but had to take a step back and say it's my wedding.  My mom has calmed down and hopefully his will soon too.

Jelenny

I am so glad I am not alone!!!!

I guess you are going to see what is more important to you....

So far the FI's mom, well parents have been great.  We had a discussion about Friday wedding since it saves 30% of the cost.  The Fi's mom pulled me aside and said if it has to do with budget they will pay extra since this is their one and only wedding to do, but they don't want to step on toes.  I don't expect it but knowing there is support is nice.

Both mom's nixed Friday
My mom threw a fit about winter weddings....oh yes and I had a WHOLE list of dates that I should avoid, including getting married in Aug since my brother did.  Not like it would be the same day!

Well all parents went with us to check out venues.  All had agreement in the locaitons at least narrowed to two or three.  We picked one and my mom flipped.

She hasn't spoken to me for over a week and will not answer the phone or call....it's great getting off to this sort of start.  To make matters worse the FI's parents are afraid they have upset her in some way....

sigh....

SmallSails

My mom was being like that but then we brought my parents and FI's parents together for a little chat. It seemed like once everyone was in the same room and she realized that since both parents are helping contribute, she's going to have to chill out. My FMIL is totally feeling my theme and vintage style for the wedding so having her there to reinforce to my mom that it was all going to work out was great. I'm much calmer now and so is my mom. 

 I think sometimes moms get too caught up worrying what other people will think. I know my mom finds it kind of crazy that I wanted to book an old parish hall for my reception when they were willing to help me out with an $$$ country club. But the hall just fits our theme and vintage style so much better. There's just some generational things that she does not get at all! But things are running much more smoothly now.

num1kj

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