September 11th Wedding Date??

amlaplante

So, my fiance and I have decided on September 11 for our outdoor wedding for many good reasons:
1) His cousin is getting married Aug 14 and we wanted at least a month between weddings (a lot of the same guests will be at both weddings).
2) We would push the date back however in Seattle rain is a BIG factor and pushing the wedding back increases the chance of rain.
3) We would do it the weekend before however that is Labor Day weekend and a lot of our family as well as us have plans on Labor Day weekend every year.
4) We need enough time to save money for the wedding otherwise we would do it June.
5) September in Seattle is beautiful and the weather (as long as it isn't raining) is perfect.
-We are getting an insane amount of negative feed back about the day... Ladies what are your thoughts? This day works perfectly for us, but everyone is saying we shouldn't do it because of what happened on September 11th.

rainsfallsoftly

If you do it then, I would in some way acknowledge it, whether it be in your wedding programs or ceremony prayer (if you are having one). 

lyndausvi

I could never do it (DH had friends die in the attacks), but I would not have a problem going to a wedding that day.

I do not think you need to say anythiing about it in the program unless you were directly effected by the events.   Bad things happen everyday in our lives.  I do not see the need to highlight this tradedy when there might be another day that was more tragic in your lives. 

Example if you are from Okalahoma, April 19 might be more tragic than Sept 11.  if you happen to be in Thailand on Dec 26, that day might have had more of an effect on your lives.  It does not even have to be an international or national event that had a bigger effect on your lives.  You could have had someone close die from a car accident or murder, whatever.

katanne9

Honestly, I would probably just go ahead and do it. Unless you or FI had any close family or friends affected (and since you're in Seattle, I'm thinking probably not).

If you feel the need you can always do something special to recognize the day, but don't feel like you have to. It could be something as simple as having a flag waving outside.

MNVegas

It certainly is not a date I would pick. I was working in Boston on the day of the attacks and scared to death when I heard planes were hijacked from Logan. My coworker's brother was killed in the attack in NY. 2 people in the town where I lived was on one of the planes that crashed into the towers.  One of the funerals was held at the funeral home next to where I lived at the time. I attended the wake to honor the memories of those that died. I was working in financial services at the time and many of our business associates in NY were killed or lost loved ones in the attacks.

It would be totally inappropriate for me to pick that date and would have a pit in my stomach seeing 9/11 on an invitation. But if you were not personally affected by the tragedy and want that as you date, then you certainly have the right to have your wedding on 9/11.  I would, however, be very sensitive to your family and friends reaction. Anyway to maybe pick 9/10 or 9/12 in order to avoid "insane amount of negative feedback"? 

EDK2010

I personally wouldn't do it, but you know your family and friends the best.

A few things you may want to consider:

1) You didn't list what year you are getting married, I am assuming it is 2010 but just keep in mind that 2011 would be the 10 year anniversary.
2) I agree with pp that you should maybe have a moment of silence or something to recognize the day.
3) Be aware of times, it looks like you are on the west coast so it may not affect you because of the time change. But I would look into what times the planes hit and buildings fell as to not arrange my ceremony during that exact time(s).
4) Know that some guests may choose to not come because of the date. My stepmom lost her cousin during 9/11 and would probably not attend a wedding on that day as she always attends a memorial Mass.

HTH

pandasquishy

I wouldn't have my wedding that day, and I wouldn't go to one either.  Even if you don't know someone personally who died, odds are someone you're inviting did.  I think it's just too soon.  Maybe in 50 years it would be okay.  

Is there some reason you can't have it the weekend after?  You said you couldn't do it the weekend before, but surely one week won't make that much of a difference with the rain.

liz745

If you were very personally affected by Sept.11 then I would say that it would not be appropriate. However, although something horrible happened on that day in the past that does not mean that we cannot have joy on that day in the future.

However, if you or your FI knew people who died on that day it might not be appropriate. For example, When my FI and I were looking at wedding dates, April 20 came up because it would work for us, however he is from littleton, CO and was very much affected by the Columbine Shootings (his parents live behind the school) but that doesnt mean that we think no one should get married on that day.

I wouldnt have a moment of silence during your wedding either. Weddings are supposed to be happy, keep it that way. But if the negativity bothers you alot then you could consider moving it the next weekend.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Well, my friend's father died that day, so I don't know how she would feel if I had my wedding then. 

You can't do the 10th or the 12th?

amlaplante

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_september-11th-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:542cf539-326a-4e9a-a3ed-ed421b530121Post:1b5ee3dc-7fa6-4d5f-93e7-b832aaa48def">Re: September 11th Wedding Date??</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't do the 10th or the 12th?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No, we want a Saturday wedding.</div>

adamnkel

My FI is a Detective in New York so the only reason we were going to get married on that date was if there were no other dates avail at our hall and even then he would have really had to think about it. He was very close with people that died on that day though and if you and FI or your close family were not. I say go for it. GL with you decision

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_september-11th-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:542cf539-326a-4e9a-a3ed-ed421b530121Post:5a3c0aa7-1529-42a5-9b90-a1884bb4006e">Re: September 11th Wedding Date??</a>:
[QUOTE]If you do it then, I would in some way acknowledge it, whether it be in your wedding programs or ceremony prayer (if you are having one). 
Posted by rainsfallsoftly[/QUOTE]

I would never acknowledge it during the ceremony.  Just no.  It's a wedding, not a memorial service.

swim1011

Will a week really make that much of a difference?  I would just move the wedding up to the 18th, and move on.  I personally wouldn't want people commenting the rest of my life on how our wedding date was 9/11, either. 

its apelila

I attended a wedding held on Sept 22nd, only 11 days after the attacks.  I'm sure the bride/groom had to make a decision as to whether or not they should still go through with it, so soon afterwards, but personally, I was glad to focus on something happier, even for just a few hours.  I dont know if I would actually do it, but I would definitely consider it.  Good luck!

jnic0319

I actually wanted my wedding on September 11th, it's the perfect time of year and a lot of bride's didn't want it.  Unfortunately someone scooped up the date before me at my venue so instead I have October.

Unless someone in your immediate family or close friends was killed on Spetmeber 11th, I say go for it.  Weddings still happen on December 7 (Pearl Harbor Day).

We have friends and family in the armed forces and those who are police and fire fighters and we are relatively close to NYC, so we were going to have a moment of silence before our ceremony as an opportunity to recognize all of those close to us who have given so much (we do not know anyone who was directly effected).

Good luck, and remember, there will always be something bad that happened to someone on any given day, just make sure it's not going to hurt those closest to you and then go for it, you have to be happy.

amlaplante

Thank so much everyone.

Just as a side note. No, we don't know anyone that was personally effected by what happened on September 11th. I think we are going to stick with the date. I made a valid point to my FI's uncle (who was the main cause for concern). I asked him if on our actually wedding day, is he really going to be sitting there watching us say our vows and commit our lives to each other, and instead be thinking about the men and women that died on September 11th 8 or 9 years ago? He said no. I understand peoples concern, but I do believe we need to be able to move on with our lives and do things as we did before. It doesn't mean we are forgetting what happened, or being disrespectful we just aren't letting the terrorists win in changing our way of life.

Again thank you everyone for your input!

jeanieg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_september-11th-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:542cf539-326a-4e9a-a3ed-ed421b530121Post:39c11f83-405b-42fa-9bd9-17499937e5da">Re: September 11th Wedding Date??</a>:
[QUOTE]If you were very personally affected by Sept.11 then I would say that it would not be appropriate. However, although something horrible happened on that day in the past that does not mean that we cannot have joy on that day in the future. However, if you or your FI knew people who died on that day it might not be appropriate. For example, When my FI and I were looking at wedding dates, April 20 came up because it would work for us, however he is from littleton, CO and was very much affected by the Columbine Shootings (his parents live behind the school) but that doesnt mean that we think no one should get married on that day. I wouldnt have a moment of silence during your wedding either. Weddings are supposed to be happy, keep it that way. But if the negativity bothers you alot then you could consider moving it the next weekend.
Posted by liz745[/QUOTE]

<div>this exactly. i'm happy you're going through with it.  the day doesn't deserve to have a black mark on it for all time, and it's been almost a decade now.  i think it's allowed to be reclaimed as a date when joy is permitted, at this point.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />  </div>

strawbearlyjamms

I'll be marrying on Sept 11, for some of the very reasons you will be.

I dont have any personal contacts with anyone affected that day, and I feel strongly that we shouldnt "blacklist" the day for that reason alone -- tragedy or not.

Many other people will be doing the same thing, too. ;-]

laura_fett

I was at a wedding that was on September 11th several years ago, only a few years after the attack. From what I saw, it didn't bother anyone. It was my friend's sister, and their explanation was that they wanted to make the day a happy memory instead of a sad one. If nobody invited to your wedding was directly affected, I don't think it will be a problem. Good luck and congratulations!

nataliem.22

I'm glad you went ahead with your date. Sept 11th is my birthday so it also holds more significance to me then just the attacks. Yes it was the most horrible event that has happened to America in some time and no we will never ever forget it. But as you said, in order to move on and heal from it we need to move on ourselves. You don't know anyone effected by the tragedy and to be honest if you did, I'm sure their loved ones would want to remember that day as something positive and special, the beginning of new lives and memories not the ending of old ones.

I definately disagree with some of the posts that you should have a moment of silence. They are there for your wedding not to honor the men and women that died that day. That can be done another time and another place but the day, the time, the place for you is for YOU and your new husband. As someone else stated it is a wedding not a memorial. That is in no way disrespectul. People who want to honor anyone lost or effected by 9/11 will do so prior to your wedding.