Telling the Family: The Perfect Opportunity...or Not?

PolackMcGee

We're engaged! We have been for a few weeks, but haven't told anyone yet. We've been dating for nearly 10 years (high school sweethearts), and have always said we didn't feel the need to get married. That all changed recently (nothing earth-shattering, just a series of conversations). Needless to say, our close family members are going to be shocked and thrilled.

Every summer for the past 5 years or so, me, my FH, his mother and his sister have a sleep-over at my parents' house. Swimming in the pool, getting sloshed, relaxing in the hot tub - a good time is had by all. I figured this year's get-together in August would be the perfect time to tell everyone that we're engaged. Last week my FSIL (and hopefully MOH) got accepted to a very prestigious master's degree program at a well-know university. We're thrilled for her! However, FSIL's achievement is most likely going to be celebrated to SOME degree at our little family party. Now I'm wondering whether or not we should make our announcement at the sleep-over, since we don't want to steal the spotlight from FSIL (she loves being the center of attention).

Is there a tactful way to allow FSIL to have her toasts and congratulations from my family while still making our announcement? Should we wait for another opportunity to tell everyone? TIA.

FutureMrsMcDaniel

Hmmmm, this one is tough for me. 

On one hand, if you all get together every year, FSIL's achievement won't be the reason why everyone is there.  So I highly doubt you all will celebrate FSIL the entire time.  So that should give you all the opportunity to announce your engagement.

On the other hand, I find it strange that you guys are waiting a month or longer to tell your family.  But maybe that's just me.  I wanted to tell all my family right away!

What if you two made an announcement when everyone first gets together?  I mean, family members are allowed to have good news at the same time.  You probably just better be prepared to answer why you all waited to let people know.

Regardless, your family is going to be very happy for you two and so will your FSIL!  Congrats!

abbyful

My opinion is wait a little while after the "celebration" for her announcement, then tell them.

I had a similar situation, the day we told my fiance's extended family (we told his parents a couple weeks before) was the day of his cousin's bridal shower and another cousin's birthday party. We waited until after the bridal shower (I even took my ring off so no one would see it and ask) and the bride-to-be had left, as not to steal her thunder, and then told everyone in between the two parties.

PolackMcGee

Thanks, FutureMrsMcDaniel! I want to shout it from the rooftops, but we've agreed on telling people in an orderly fashion. First, our officiants (we have TWO close friends that are licensed officiants in our state, and we'd like both of them to perform the ceremony), then the parents (and sibling). My parents live a little over an hour away from us, so we don't see them extremely often, and we want to tell our *close* family members in person at the same time. Waiting until next month is going to be tough, but for some reason it doesn't feel that weird to me. The wedding is over a year away, so it isn't urgent.

abbyful, that's what I was thinking but I wasn't sure if it would work out. I also don't want it to seem like we're one-upping her. Everyone will know about her big news before the sleep-over even happens, and the sleep-over isn't meant to commemorate her achievement, so I just want to make sure we do this right and no one's toes get stepped on. Thanks for the advice.

janedoe1113a

I find it odd that you're going to be telling friends who are officiants before you tell your parents.

skyler1108

If your sleep over is a multi day event like a weekend or something I think you can still tell them after you have celebrated FSIL's achievement. You should tell them the day after you have celebrated for her so she can still have her spotlight.

jnc1113

NavyBaby, we asked our officiant, my FH's home church priest, before we told the families.  It was super important to us that his priest marry us, so we wanted to give him the date first to make sure he could do it.  As for our families, we similarly waited until we had them all together to break the news at once, so that no one would feel like anyone got the news first in a preferential way.  It may not be the norm, but we waited a few weeks after getting engaged to tell our families, too.

To the OP, I have been there and I wish you the best in telling them.  It's a sticky situation, and I wish I had some advice, but I just wanted to say that I've been there and I feel your pain!!!

Oh, congrats, btw!!!