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pirate88

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laurenclaire1386

It sounds like you don't think either of your families will react favorably.  My only advice is to be honest and straight forward with both families.  How old are you?

kdqueen16

I'm not trying to bring you down, but it is really a huge decision that needs to have a lot of thought put into it. Especially if you are young. My fiance and I are very young, but our parent's knew that we were thinking about engagement. We had dated for two years and I had been hinting to my parent's about it for the last six months of those years. My parent's were almost more excited than I was about the engagement! 

My advice to you is to let your parent's know that you are considering it. It shouldn't come as a shock to them if you have been maturely and seriously dating for a long period of time. If they are in complete shock and are not okay with the whole situation, then I think you need to value their opinion and see if any of their arguments are valid.

Another thing you might want to consider is having your fiance ask your father's permission to marry you. Father's find that very respectful and mature.

I wish you both the best. Don't let people say that this is impossible because you are young, because it is not. I never let people's negative comments bring me down and it's a good thing because now I am well on my way to being married to the most amazing man I know. Just keep going after your dreams, but at the same time be reasonable and mature. It's okay if it takes extra time for you to achieve those dreams. 

liz745

Im in a similar situation. My advice is to just be honest with them. Listen to thier concerns and talk about why you want to do it sooner. My FI and I decided to wait until after school but two of our best friends are doing it next May. Its all about what works for each individual couple.
Your parents love you and if you have been dating this guy for 4 years im sure they have come to love him too. They just want what is best for you. If when you tell them they suggest waiting longer dont freak out (not saying you would) but just calmly sit down with them and discuss how you and your FI feel about the situation.

Good Luck!

MattsAnnie

I agree with PP Id just add that when you do sit down with them be prepared. Id have you sit down with them together before he re asks you. Tell them what you are considering and show them how you plan to make it work.Show them the pros of being married while you work towards your degree and career, you have eachother to support and lean on etc. Show them you still want all the same things but you want to face the future together. Then say you want their blessing before he "officialy" asks you with a ring.
Good luck!

lilgina64

If he proposes within the next year, could you just have a long engagement and get married when you get out of school?

Just to look at it from your parents prespective for a moment.. If you present it to them that you love each other and want to get married but realized the benefits of a longer engagement to be out of school and in a better position to start a life together, they will be much more receptive is my guess. It also gives you time to save up money for the wedding you want, and for a nest egg for a nice little place together. It also gives them time to adjust the idea of their children being adults and getting married in the future.

I think this is probably your best option. showing them that you are patient and carefully planning everything out shows a lot of maturity. Try to present them with multiple scenarios and options in which finishing your degree is your primary focus, then the marriage. An engagement won't derail you're education.

Bobbysprncss

I agree that you should have a long engagement and get married once you are finished with school. My FI and I have been together for 8 years. We would have already been married by now, but we knew it was better for me to finish school before getting married.

Ninnybride

Four years is a long, commited relationship; I've been with my FH for eight. Congratulations! Long post, but:

While you are young by some opinions, you are certainly not being impetuous; you've know each other for long enough to make a decision that you are both happy with. I agree with making sure to tell each set of parents in person, because no matter what the circumstances are, a marriage is a big deal, and great news that you want to share with your families face to face.

No advice to give about if they do not react positively, but find a way to push aside your jitters when you make your big announcement; If you sound happy and confident, you families will perceive that, and not worry/doubt/go into protective parent mode about your decision.

I always like to remember that episode of the Cosby Show (yes, I'm old ) where Vanessa brought over her boyfriend from college for the first time, then announces that day that they've been engaged for six months, his parents already knew for a while, etc.

Not your situation, but the point is that when Vanessa asked Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable why they weren't too pleased with her announcement, Cliff made a great analogy: "Imagine your favourite food: Steak, potatoes, gravy, etc. Can you smell them? Good. Now imagine that your favourite meal was served to you on the underside of a garbage can lid. That is how you presented your fiance to us."

It's so true! If you aren't happy, confident and proud of your decision, and afraid of their reaction, then they very well may doubt your readiness to make that leap. Be ready to speak with them, as many here have advised, and if getting married is what you and your lovvie want to do, then don't let anyone's doubts waver you; the only two people who really know about your relationship are you and him, and if you're both ready, blessed be!