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I have a Bridezilla on my hands (& its not me)...HELP!

Good Morning fellow Knotties :) I am in need of some good advice today...

 Okay so here's the scoop: 

I am from the US but currently living in Germany. I am currently planning my wedding (I am not the bridezilla as stated in my subject line) for Aug 2012. If any of you have planned a wedding from abroad, you feel my pain with this!

So, a good friend of mine (the little sister of an ex bf) from back home on the East coast is also planning her wedding for sometime in 2012. She asked me a while back to be her MOH...very flattered, I clearly explained that I would love to but she needed to understand that I am living abroad and maybe can't make it home for everything or be as involved. She understood (at the time). So here we are both planning weddings...

First issue:

I asked her when she was planning to have hers and she stated sometime in July, I said that sounds good bc we were thinking August so that works out bc I can just fly home for hers and then stay for mine, thus cutting out 2 separate flights. About a week later I find out from my cousin (who is a mutual friend of ours) that she was upset with me...I called her & she told me she felt I was telling her when she should have her wedding and she didn't want to have our wedding within a month of each other and went as far to say that we shouldn't even have them in the same year! (I'm a bit baffled). Mind you she is 4 years younger than me and I've known her since she was 14 so she's like a little sister to me. And she's also spoiled rotten and the type of personality the flips out if EVERYTHING isn't revolving around her. Did I mention I love her? So yes, this is hard. Well since then I was able to explain to her I was simply trying to cater around her date bc she cared when hers was and mine was flexible, for me saving on 2 flights is worth it.

Second Issue:

I've since dove into planning my own wedding more extensively and  realizing I will need to make a trip home to view venues ect (we were undecided on the city until last week, bc family is everywhere). So, my friend is the type of person that the wedding showers and parties are just as equal to the wedding. Yesterday she calls me and tells me she is thinking of having a smaller wedding and cutting the bridal party down, so I thought perfect time to tell her I have been thinking it's probably best I just attend her wedding since I am not sure I can fly over for her bachelorette party (she wants it 2 months before in Vegas), again for her bridal shower, again for her wedding, and again for my wedding...that's 4 flights...4 expensive International flights! Oh wait, I still need to make a trip to view my OWN venues...5 trips!

Were not rich and were paying for our own wedding while her In laws are paying for theirs, whatever they want...so she has zero concept of cost of a wedding for two people paying for their own.

Well, she started crying and got really upset that I can't come to all her wedding parties, I explained to her that I can probably fit the dress and still be in the wedding bust she needs to understand I cant be there for everything. But she just couldn't understand. And went as far as to tell my cousin that I thought looking at venues for my own wedding was more important than being a part of hers. Huh? Wow, really?

So, I just don't know how to handle the situation. I already walk on eggshells with her bc I love her in a little sister kind of way and I don't want to upset her for the world but where is the line and how can I make her understand I love her, I want to be there for her without taking away from the fact that I too am getting married . It hurts my feelings that she trumps my wedding with hers and makes it very clear where as I have enough respect not to do so. I am way more mature in years and in personality than her and this is where is shows....HELP!!!

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Re: I have a Bridezilla on my hands (& its not me)...HELP!

  • edited December 2011
    Okay so I've had a similar situation, but nothing that extreme. Mine was just FSIL's own wedding drama and not being understanding to our situation. But anyways..
    I think that she is just overreacting. I am assuming your military, since your in Germany? I could be wrong tho.
    I would honestly, sit down and write her an email, it's the best way to clearly explain everything in my opinion, phone calls provide too much oppertunity for her to interject. Explain in your email, the cost of these flights - give her an example, pull up bing, grab a flight price that is two months out, and put it in there. And explain that you simply can not afford to come home for all the MOH duties. Maybe ask her if you can share the MOH duties with another close friend, or simply maybe coordinate everything with another bridesmaid, that way your still actively planning it even though you aren't there. In my own opinion, I think Vegas for a party is wayyyyyy too much. That's a LOT of money, and not everyone has that.
    I would just really explain to her that her feelings are important, and you love her and are really honored to be her MOH, but that financially it is going to be hard on you as well.

    I know emails, can be a hard way to communicate, however when your dealing with an emotional situation, It can be a lot easier to explain everything. Just explain, it isn't that you don't care for her, just more or less it is going to put you into a place financially that you can't be.

    On a Side Note: If you are military, have you maybe looked into Space A Flight to the states, to a near by base and either rent a car and drive home/venues. I've personally never flown Space A so I don't know if it's worth it, but I've been told it can save a TON of money.

    Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to, drama like this can really be stressful and emotionally exhausting. Hang in there.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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