Good Morning fellow Knotties I am in need of some good advice today...
Okay so here's the scoop:
I am from the US but currently living in Germany. I am currently planning my wedding (I am not the bridezilla as stated in my subject line) for Aug 2012. If any of you have planned a wedding from abroad, you feel my pain with this!
So, a good friend of mine (the little sister of an ex bf) from back home on the East coast is also planning her wedding for sometime in 2012. She asked me a while back to be her MOH...very flattered, I clearly explained that I would love to but she needed to understand that I am living abroad and maybe can't make it home for everything or be as involved. She understood (at the time). So here we are both planning weddings...
I asked her when she was planning to have hers and she stated sometime in July, I said that sounds good bc we were thinking August so that works out bc I can just fly home for hers and then stay for mine, thus cutting out 2 separate flights. About a week later I find out from my cousin (who is a mutual friend of ours) that she was upset with me...I called her & she told me she felt I was telling her when she should have her wedding and she didn't want to have our wedding within a month of each other and went as far to say that we shouldn't even have them in the same year! (I'm a bit baffled). Mind you she is 4 years younger than me and I've known her since she was 14 so she's like a little sister to me. And she's also spoiled rotten and the type of personality the flips out if EVERYTHING isn't revolving around her. Did I mention I love her? So yes, this is hard. Well since then I was able to explain to her I was simply trying to cater around her date bc she cared when hers was and mine was flexible, for me saving on 2 flights is worth it.
I've since dove into planning my own wedding more extensively and realizing I will need to make a trip home to view venues ect (we were undecided on the city until last week, bc family is everywhere). So, my friend is the type of person that the wedding showers and parties are just as equal to the wedding. Yesterday she calls me and tells me she is thinking of having a smaller wedding and cutting the bridal party down, so I thought perfect time to tell her I have been thinking it's probably best I just attend her wedding since I am not sure I can fly over for her bachelorette party (she wants it 2 months before in Vegas), again for her bridal shower, again for her wedding, and again for my wedding...that's 4 flights...4 expensive International flights! Oh wait, I still need to make a trip to view my OWN venues...5 trips!
Were not rich and were paying for our own wedding while her In laws are paying for theirs, whatever they want...so she has zero concept of cost of a wedding for two people paying for their own.
Well, she started crying and got really upset that I can't come to all her wedding parties, I explained to her that I can probably fit the dress and still be in the wedding bust she needs to understand I cant be there for everything. But she just couldn't understand. And went as far as to tell my cousin that I thought looking at venues for my own wedding was more important than being a part of hers. Huh? Wow, really?
So, I just don't know how to handle the situation. I already walk on eggshells with her bc I love her in a little sister kind of way and I don't want to upset her for the world but where is the line and how can I make her understand I love her, I want to be there for her without taking away from the fact that I too am getting married . It hurts my feelings that she trumps my wedding with hers and makes it very clear where as I have enough respect not to do so. I am way more mature in years and in personality than her and this is where is shows....HELP!!!