Rethinking the whole "wedding" thing...

divine_chaos

Rethinking the whole "wedding" thing....anyone else done or thought of just a private ceremony and then a huge party later? We have already had to push back a year related to medical issues. Thoughts please...

We have been together 12 years, my suggestion was still be married by our wonderful Cherokee officiant with only kids present and native flutist and photographer in Sedona on our anniversary. If he wants his best friend and mine to still stand then we bring them too. Followed with an amazing dinner at the restaurant that was going to cater.

Then have a great party at our home, music, food, fun.....I am always up for a party. Plus then everyone is only traveling to Phoenix-not Sedona. I wear my dress, we get the ceremony we want and then I get the huge party---he is not the party guy, I am.

Syndelin

I think it's appropriate to do things however you want to do them!

I don't really see this as any different from a "destination" wedding, where people come home and have a reception afterwards. 

I say if that's what you both really want and prefer, go for it!

kpwedkk

My mind is going about this two ways -
1) You want the same folks that were invited to your private ceremony, invited to your reception.  And vice versa, it's not extremely rude, but you want those invited to the reception to see your wedding too   That way the guests don't think that you invited them to cake and food and dancing, and expectation of a gift...

2) If it was a civil ceremony, or an elopment, then it could be something like a private wedding and then "We got married, and want to celebrate with you (guests)."

divine_chaos

We actually have told everyone there is a no gifts policy in effect. We have asked anyone that really wants to give us something to please donate to our charities that we have listed. After all this time we have everything we need and want in our home and we vacation, we just want to celebrate our final union with everyone that has know us all these years but really prefer to only have a very intimate sacred ceremony in the red rocks. It is hard to explain but the best I can do is say I want it to be about us not everyone else. I only realized this thru the planning process because I thought I wanted the huge wedding.....but I dont. Now I cant get him to agree. AAGGHHH!

Celles

The consensus on the international boards is that it's fine to have a small, intimate ceremony and then a larger reception, as long as the ceremony is truly intimate.  Iin other words: it's fine to be married in the presence of immediate family, but it's not fine to invite 50 people to the ceremony and 250 to the reception (since the 200 people who weren't invited to the ceremony will be left wondering why they didn't make the cut).  Since you seem to be going for the former rather than the latter, I think you're okay.

That said, if your FI isn't on board with the idea...  well, it's his wedding too. 

What made you change your mind about the larger ceremony?  If you can pinpoint for yourself exactly when your thoughts on the matter changed, then you might be able to determine if it's a reaction to stress or a sincere desire. 

All that said: personally, I'd cross state lines for a wedding, but I wouldn't for a party.  If I wasn't invited to attend the actual ceremony, then I'd probably skip the event altogther.  You should probably take into account the opinions of your friends and family in this regard, as well.  Not everyone will understand, and some may even feel hurt or excluded.

Celles

P.S.  It looks like you aren't alone:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_normal

janjan550

I think it sounds just fine.  It's your wedding so it should be what you both want.  I do agree with Celles though that some people may not see the "party" as being as important as a wedding, so they may not feel as inclined to travel long distances for it.

I am getting married in Sedona, with about 75 people.  We knew choosing Sedona might decrease the amount of people who were able to come but we figured the people who REALLY matter, aren't going to miss it, and that's what really counts, so I imagine the same would apply in your situation.  The people who REALLY count will probably understand, and will come whether you call it a wedding or a party.

In the end you have to know you won't look back on it and regret it, so what ever makes you happy!

Schocked

I think this is totally appropriate as long as the ceremony is truly intimate.

Ultimately I'd say do what makes you happy 

ArizonaRN10

I know exactly what you are going through.  I have been planning a July 2011 wedding to take place in Pennsylvania. It has been so stressful and seeing the numbers of guests adding and the amount of money it is going to cost I am starting to think a small wedding then a reception later is a great idea.  I am afraid I am choosing a bigger wedding because it is what my family wants.  Yes I want my grandparents to see me get married but at the same time I do not want to take away from the moment with my future husband.  We have been together for 9 years, engaged for 1 year.  We decided to buy a house before getting married. I believe if that is what you truely want to do then go for it. It's your day, your memories.  I think your friends and family will just be happy to celebrate that you finally got married!

Best Wishes

divine_chaos

AZRN- How funny I am a nurse too!
 
He and I have had some long discussions about it and we are still trying to decided. He says money is not an issue if we do what we want and I agree but I also am torn between wanting somethign sacred and intimate with just a few-he suggested taping it and playing it at the reception party. He says we wear the clothes do a first dance, have the big cake- but have the ceremony be very small. He doesnt want me to not have gorgeous flowers etc.