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Engagement Party Confusion

Please Help!! Im going crazy! I thought the point of an engagement party was for my friends and family to come together with his friends and family and for us to get to know each other and celebrate! But it seems everyone has a different idea! My mother wanted to have one with just my friends and family and then his side could do their own thing. I did not like that idea. So now my friend has taken over the planning and she wants me to keep the guest list at 50 which hardly covers our family. So that means if we invite only the family we would not be able to celebrate with our friends, if we invite only friends the family could not come. My friend told me that the party was for only people you are close with-Im confused! The guest list is at about 120-some out of towners and some others that will just not show-so maybe 70ish will actually attend. We are renting a pavilion that cost $50 no matter how many people are there and she is not the only one chipping in for the other costs. And we can just not afford to have multiple parties-besides I want just one and for everyone to be there! What do I do? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings! =(

Re: Engagement Party Confusion

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    drbweddingdrbwedding member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I always was under the impression that engagement parties were for really close friends and family... Something small held at a person's house or condo. 120 seems like a lot to invite. That's like having a wedding.
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    edited December 2011
    i agree wtih pp....120 is a rather large engagment party...i threw one for a friend and she only invited very close friends and family..i think there was about 35 people there.  I don't know that you need to invite out of towners to an engagement party...unless of course they are like your bff's or something. 
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    edited December 2011
    That seems alot for an engagement party!I also think engagement parties usually are small scale gatherings at someone's home..
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    edited December 2011
    120 does seem like a lot, that's about the size of what my wedding was.  If I would hjave had an engagement party, I would have wanted to invite just close family and friends, i.e. Gma's and Gpa's, our parents, close aunts/Uncles/Cousins, close friends - as in the bridal party, not much more.If you narrow it down like that, do you hit about 50?
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone! I know 120 seems crazy! I just dont know how to say no! If I narrow it down to just the close family and friends it will still be around 70ish. I have a small family so I wouldn't be able to invite one aunt and not the other. His family are the out of town people and his mother wants us to send them invites so they do not feel hurt for not getting invited. And then he is the one with the big family so I just dont know where to draw the line!
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    drbweddingdrbwedding member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i would just have immediate family(mom dad sisters brother) and close friends and that is how i would draw the line. others will have a chance to celebrate with you at the wedding. i know that it's a tough spot to be in. but just remember this: people other than you(and maybe your moms) do not care about your wedding as much as you do. they won't be hurt if they aren't invited to an engagement party if they are invited to the wedding. it's one less party for them to accept or decline to come to.
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    edited December 2011
    Way too big. We had an e party in Indy thrown by his parents. It was his family and his parent's friends. It was around 40 people. We had an e party in Chicago thrown by one BM and her husband. Our friends were invited. It was around 30 people. The b+g do not throw the party. Why are you getting involved?
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the help! It's just hard because my family is so small we are all close-I see them at least once a month.  So I really think they would be hurt if I did not invite them.  But that is a good point-Im sure most people do not care as much as we do! =) I will just figure a way to cut it down! To be honest with you I think most of it is coming from all his cousins! lol! We are not throwing the party my one BM is heading the whole thing and my sisters are helping.  The only reason I am involved is because she wanted a guest list.  That's all! =)
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    edited December 2011
    I would really just invite local people. Do people really travel for engagement parties? Also, remember who ever you invite to that party should also be invited to the wedding. If you aren't sure, best not to invite them now then feel like you need to later. I do agree with some PP, some people may not be as excited about an engagement party especially. If it seems to official, are people expected to bring gifts? I guess it is different in each family/friend group, I think my friends would have rolled their eyes, haha. We just went out with a few for drinks! Good luck with the planning and I hope you get everything figured out, don't stress:)
    Steph & Brandon 4.17.10
    Planning Bio
    Married Bio - Updated 7.2
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    edited December 2011
    Ya I don't expect any people from out of town to come! His mom just does not want them to feel left out! (roll eyes lol) Right I agree-it should only be people that are coming to the wedding! No gifts or anything like that-we were just having it at the Monee Reservoir-there is a pavilion and a lake so we were going to grill some food, play some bags and volleyball, drink, and just hang out! Don't stress! Yes that is my biggest goal! Thanks!
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    edited December 2011
    I think everyone is different. My fiance and I both have big familys....my close family (mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins are 35 people alone!) We had 105 people at our engagement party and we had it at a local resturant. It cost kinda much but it was a great time! I am glad we did it that way because I would feel sad to not have all of my close family and friends there! So I think it's up to you. And yes 105 people is a lot....and that's the size of some people's weddings....but not ours! Our shower is also 120 people and our wedding is 350 people!
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    edited December 2011
    bdklatt-I agree everyone is going to be different-so we all have to decide on what we are comfortable with! Ya see that is how my family is-with my close family I will have 25 people! But I could not imagine not having my close friends there as well! Ya we cant do a restaurant-I know that would be pricey! that is why we are just going with the outdoor bbq party! I think in the end I would feel sad too if I did not get to celebrate with everyone! I know it's suppose to be an intimate thing-but how do you decide which aunt and uncle can come and which one doesnt!? And then if they bring their kids (cousins) how do you not invite the other cousins? lol ugh! Thanks! MrMrsDavidNash-The original plan was to do it at my house but then my mom didnt really want to deal with is so that is why we moved it. I dont want to do it at his parents house because he is divorced and his last Eparty was there. =( I have had a lot of people tell me they were excited to get together and celebrate so I would hope it wasnt all about the food!! lol All my friends were going to pay for this party-his parents have not offered to pay and I do not want to ask for money! Ya my sister has her own graphic design/printing company so she is doing all the invites/stationary....! Yes we do not want bitching! Or messy! I hope it isnt getting to personal between the families-this is suppose to be about us! And it's suppose to be fun! Thanks!
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    edited December 2011
    Also check out any clubhouses in your area....or families area. We did that recently for my fiance's bday and we had about 90 people. After most of the people left his aunts helped me clean.....which was about 8 ladies....and we got it done in no time! It was a FREE location...just like your house would be. But we live in a condo so we def. couldn't have done it there. Just a thought...
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks! Ya we live out in the country so no club houses out here! =) That is why the forest preserve is our best bet! And no house-my mom does not really want it there so oh well we will make this work!
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